How did this happen to me?
by mabelreid
Summary: Post S2 Spoilers for Revelations “Scream again and you‘re dead!” Reid must help JJ when she is raped. Will the aftermath tear their fragile relationship apart? JJReid
1. Chapter 1

_**A/n this was written as an answer to a challenge form OliviaElliotFan4ever. **_

_**Warnings: This story is rated for language violence and mention of rape and abortion. Please turn back now if you are offended by such things.**_

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing of CM. No profit is made from this posting and no copyright infringement is intended. **_

The BAU jet descended rapidly out of the night sky. The blackness overhead, and around the plane was full of stars that no one noticed because they were in various stages of waking up, or stowing headphones and playing cards in their packs.

JJ had been in a deep sleep, which was unusual for her. She hadn't the energy or the will to decide which case in her stack needed the team's attention. The last case had been tough on all of them. A religious cult had sprung up in the deserts of New Mexico. The leader had raped and killed several young women that had tried to leave the cult. They had gotten to him in time to prevent a mass suicide on the level with Jim Jones.

She felt the last familiar turn of the plane lining up with the landing strip. The sensation in her stomach always reminded her of going to the fair grounds with her aunt and cousins. Smells of treats like cotton candy, popcorn, hotdogs and French fries invaded her memories. They would play games and lose their pocket money to the carnies. Her favorite ride was the Tilt O Whirl. The feeling of floating in the middle of a storm tossed lake, and the dizzying spin put the same sensation in her gut as the descent of the plane.

She was yanked from her thoughts by the jolt and high pitched scrape of the landing gear kissing the tarmac. She jolted forward a bit as the jet engines screamed, and the brakes and reverse trust engines kicked in to slow the plane down to a stop.

She looked around and noticed that everyone looked a little shell shocked and very exhausted. Emily was sitting to one side with a book tucked in both hands. She was staring into space and didn't respond when the plane stopped and Morgan stood up. He said good night to her, and just grinned and shook his head when she ignored him.

"Hey JJ… you awake." He said to her as he passed her chair.

"Yeah… I was just thinking."

"Well don't think too much. Go home girl… and get drunk or vegg out in front of the tube. That's all I'm up for at this point." He grinned at her, but she heard the unspoken dregs of anger and sadness in his voice. His smile didn't reach his eyes.

"Yeah… I guess you're right." She sighed and stood up to leave.

"Can I have everyone's attention please?" Hotch said as he slapped his phone shut. They all turned toward his voice.

"You can all stop looking so paranoid. I have good news." JJ was stunned to see her boss smiling a wide smile that lit up his dark eyes and made them dance.

_Hmm… did the Lakers win the Championship and no one told me or has hell frozen over?_

"I just got off the phone with the Assistant Director. Unless something high profile happens we're all off until after Labor Day."

JJ and the others looked at each other before Reid asked in a highly suspicious tone. "Why?"

"She knows how difficult this last case was for us and how hard we've been working over the last year. She's dividing up our work load to the other teams in the BAU." Hotch explained.

"Come on Reid don't look so suspicious!" Morgan said wrapping an arm around the younger man's thin shoulders. "Let's get the hell out of here and go celebrate."

"I thought you said you were going home and getting drunk?" Reid commented thoughtlessly.

"Oh… so you were eavesdropping on the lovely JJ and I." Morgan said conspiratorially. Reid flushed crimson and avoided JJ's eyes. Normally she would have laughed, but surprisingly she felt irritated with Morgan's teasing.

"Leave him alone Morgan." She found herself saying as they all began to deplane. Gideon was the first out. He headed to his car calling a distracted goodbye over his shoulder. He was probably envisioning a trip to his cabin for the week. She wondered if he had anyone to go with him. He was extremely closed lipped about his private life.

_Aren't we all?_

Morgan opened his mouth to comment on her unprecedented defense of Reid, and then closed it with a snap when he saw the look on her face.

She exited the plane after everyone else. The exhaustion she felt masked any happiness that they had a week's time off. All she wanted to do was sleep. She turned right and walked as fast as she could to her car.

"JJ," Reid's voice called out to her.

She sighed and her shoulders slumped. Ever since their "date" to the football game, they had become good friends. She loved to play cards with him on the plane even if it was like shooting fish in a barrel for him. It was still fun to see if she could fluster him into losing just one hand. It didn't work very often, but every once and awhile she was the victor after a well placed comment. He always covered by saying he let her win, but she knew better then that. Another ritual they had that no one else knew about, was coffee after disembarking the plane no matter the time of day or night. Funny, she wasn't up for it that night.

"Hey Spence… if you don't mind, I'm not really in the mood for Starbucks."

She almost caved in when she saw the look of sheer misery and disappointment on his face. Then he rallied and smiled shyly at her.

"Ah… sure I understand I just… Ah - have a good vacation."

He turned to walk away and the slump in his shoulders made her wince with guilt. He asked so little of her and she had refused to have a damn cup of coffee with him.

"Hey Reid…"

He turned back with a hopeful look on his face.

"I really am beat tonight, but how about lunch tomorrow?"

His face lit up like a small child that had just received the best birthday gift ever. She felt her own mouth turn up in the first genuine smile she'd been able to produce in days.

"Sure… ah do you want me to pick you up or should I meet you some place?"

"Let's just meet at the open air market on Lexington. I love their sandwiches." She pushed a tired hand through her hair, pulling it off her face.

"Ok… they have great food." He turned to leave again and she bit back a laugh.

"Hey… what time?" She called after him. He stopped so suddenly and wheeled around so fast that she did let out a small chuckle. She couldn't help herself.

"Oh yeah… ah - is one o'clock okay?" He asked uncertainly. One hand pushed back the bangs that always fell into his eyes and that simple gesture righted her universe again.

"Perfect… I'll see tomorrow." He gave her a little wave and dashed off to his car.

She took off to her own car and once in the driver's seat she began to laugh. He really was adorable when flustered. If they had been playing cards, she definitely would have won.

On the way home she wondered at her sudden impulse to ask him out. This felt more like a date then simple coffee between friends. He was cute and sweet and obviously the smartest one in any room, but did that mean another date was wise? Had sleep depravation and mental exhaustion gotten to her and made her do something that might mess up their friendship? She knew he had a terrible crush on her, it was obvious. You didn't have to be profiler to get that he was fathoms deep in love with her. What about her? What were her feelings?

_Come on girl… stop second guessing yourself. You wouldn't ask him out if you didn't want to take the next step._

She told herself as the car moved through the night quiet streets that this wasn't a date. It was a simple meal with a friend.

_You don't believe that and neither will he._

Damn it, had she made a mistake? She pulled into the driveway of her small rental house and sighed heavily. No! She was not going to analyze this to death. They would meet up tomorrow and everything would be fine. Their friendship didn't have to change because of one little meal!

_Hello denial much!_

She forced her internal voice to shut up as the door to the garage closed behind her. She turned off the engine and got out of the car. The garage was a mess. She decided that this was a chore for her week off. Maybe she'd con Emily, Morgan and Garcia into helping her out.

_And Spence!_

The damn voice wouldn't shut up! She was obsessing and that wasn't good. It was time to think about something else. She fumbled open the lock on the door to her utility room. The bright lights stung her eyes when she flipped them on and she squinted against the glare. Her coat went on the hook next to the door. She slipped off her shoes and pushed them to one side. She wiggled her toes and sighed. Sometimes dressing for her job was a pain in the ass. The tile floor was nice and cool on the soles of her feet and she stood there for a moment enjoying the sensation.

She removed her holster and gun, along with her badge and carried them in her free hand. The kitchen light was less bright now that her eyes had adjusted. She turned left, went down the hall and dropped her badge and gun on the entry way table. She checked the door to see that it was locked and shut out the light.

The message light was glowing on her phone. She hurried over to see if her aunt had called. The older woman had a thing about calling JJ on her cell phone. She said she did want to disturb her niece at work. JJ tried to tell her that was absurd, but Aunt Sarah was stubborn and old fashioned.

She pushed the play button and heard nothing but dead air. Right… how could she have forgotten? The same person had called her again. Actually he'd call her seven times since she'd left. Her hands were beginning to tremble. She had to do something about this. It wasn't possible to laugh it off as a mistake or a prank anymore. This had been going on for weeks.

She sat down in the chair next to the table and tried to quiet her heart. It was slamming against her ribcage like a frightened bird. He never said anything. How could she know that he wasn't a she? Something told her that is was a man; women don't do these types of things, do they. She should talk to Gideon; he would know what to do. No! She couldn't do that, what if he said it was nothing, or thought she was overreacting.

She sat there for a long time listening to the creaks of the settling house and the noise of an occasional car passing by on the road outside. Then an idea struck her. She would call Garcia in the morning and have her trace the number. Yes… that was the best thing to do. She could explain to the computer maven the calls and hang ups and Garcia would find him. Then she could go to Hotch and figure out what to do next.

Feeling considerably better, she stood up and went into the kitchen. She was going to make a snack and watch a movie. Thoughts of Spence entered her mind again as she worked and she convinced herself to forget the fear this caller had put into her heart. It would be okay!

Ten minutes later she was in bed with a steaming cup of hot chocolate in her hands, a large bowl of popcorn at her side, and her favorite movie in the DVD player. It was midnight before the movie ended and her eyes were closing fast. She picked up the remote and shut off the television plunging the room into darkness. She turned over and moved her pillows into a comfortable position. All thoughts of the calls had been pushed back in her brain.

Despite the fact that she was very drowsy, it was tough to get comfortable and to stop thinking about the events at the airstrip. Her initial trepidation at the thought of escalating her relationship with Reid had turned into excitement. Waiting to see him at lunch seemed too far away for her. She shifted again and reached out an arm for the bedside lamp. She would call him and… She screamed when someone grabbed her out stretched arm and flung her over onto her back. A hand came down on her mouth and a gravelly voice warned her.

"Scream again and you're dead!"


	2. Chapter 2

_My thanks to all who've reviewed and add this story to your alerts. I also have to thank my wonderful and patient beta REIDFANATIC. She puts up with a lot from me. This is long, it was intended to be two chapters, but it worked better hooking them together._

_Warnings: Same as the first chapter. _

_Disclaimer: I own nothing from the show, no copyright infringement is intended with this posting. _

Reid turned off the lovely warm water cascading over him and got out of the shower. He toweled off and grabbed his robe. Looking into the mirror was depressing. The shadows under his eyes were still there. He hadn't slept more then two hours the night before. He couldn't stop thinking about JJ and her invitation to lunch.

Like the night before, the logical voice in his brain opened its mouth and began to remind him loudly that she had only asked him out of pity. He'd seen the look on her face when she'd called him back and suggested lunch. He'd also seen her face when she'd said no to coffee. She'd felt guilty for disappointing him.

He used the towel to wipe away the last of the condensation on the mirror. What had he done to make her feel obligated to not disappoint him? When she had accepted his offer to go to the Redskins game, he had been elated. He knew she only accepted out of a desire to see her favorite team in action. It had nothing to do with him.

He opened the door to the bathroom and headed back down the hall to his bedroom.He finished dressing and padded barefoot to the kitchen. He wasn't going to let his fears spoil the day. He had to look on the bright side; maybe she was ready for more. He'd been ready for a long time, and was beginning to think that she would never change her mind about taking their "relationship" to another level.

He decided to brew an individual cup of coffee in the microwave instead of an entire pot. He didn't need more stimulation then the caffeine content of one cup. He was already bouncing off the walls with excitement. The soothing shower had done little to calm his nerves.

He realized that he was pacing up and down in front of the microwave like a caged animal and he made himself stop. There was no use in wearing a path into the tiled floor. He watched the cup in the microwave instead as it revolved around on the glass turntable. Watching it turn was making him a little dizzy. When the beep sounded the end of the cook cycle, he jumped and let out a small scream.

_Okay… you are way too tense! How about a good book, you can concentrate on reading at normal speed instead of light speed. That ought to slow down your brain big guy. _

He decided that wasn't such a bad idea. Then his stomach rumbled loudly, and he decided that some scrambled eggs and a bagel would hit the spot. While taking supplies out of the refrigerator, he forced himself not to think about JJ or the date.

What if he went out with her again and she decided for the second time that they should just be friends. He couldn't stand that again. He cursed his doubts and tried desperately to think of something else. Cooking the eggs helped. It also helped to sit in front of his computer and chat with some of his fellow sci-fi enthusiasts while he ate his breakfast.

Unfortunately… when he left the chat room and began to cleanup the meal, his mind went right back to thinking about JJ and lunch. In fact… he was so involved in trying to decide what to do, he didn't see the upturned corner of the rug his way to the sink and he tripped. He didn't fall, but the plate he had eaten from flew out of his hand and shattered on the floor.

"Damn it!"

Now he had to clean up bits of broken porcelain, and eggs and toast off the floor. First… he had to put shoes on or his feet would get cut. That was a laugh because after putting his shoes on, he began to pick up the large pieces and ended up slicing his thumb open at the tip.

"Damn it!" He yelled again as red blood welled up onto the pad of his thumb. He stuck it in his mouth and feeling very much like a three year old kid, he went back to the bathroom for a bandage and anti bacterial ointment.

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When JJ opened her eyes the sunlight stung like sweat dropping into her eyes. She tried to turn over but cried out in pain instead. Her head began to spin rapidly when she tried to sit up. One side of her face hurt horribly. Her stomach was heaving and one side ached. Then she remembered the night before and her heart began to trip hammer with fear. What if he were still in the house? She began to sob wildly as memories of the night before started to come back in full color, and grisly detail.

The man had threatened to kill her if she wasn't quiet. Her FBI training was useless as he had surprised her and her gun was in the kitchen. He told her that he had watched her for a long time. He had blindfolded her and tied her hands above her to the headboard of the bed. She had tried to fight him off but he was too big and strong. He'd become angry when she resisted him. He'd hit her hard and she passed out, but he made sure she was awake and aware when he raped her. She couldn't believe that he left her alive.

Getting out of bed was the hardest thing she had ever done. Her body hurt from the beating she'd taken and from the rape. Every inch of her seemed to throb in time with her heart, which was beating faster then a frightened hummingbird's heart. Her feet finally found the floor and she stood up. The dizziness that overcame her pushed her back on the bed, and she landed halfway off the edge, nearly falling to the floor. She began to cry again. Her face hurt so badly that her head was throbbing like an infected tooth.

She stayed sitting at the edge of the bed for a very long time, looking at the hardwood floor. The floors were dirty, she really should clean them. In fact the whole house could use a through cleaning.

_What are you talking about, you need to get up and call the police!_

_No… he said… he said that he would… he would kill Spence if I call the police. He said he knew all about geeky Dr Reid. He said that he had watched us together, and he would kill Spence if I told._

_Then call Gideon, he'll help you both._

_No… I can't he said not to tell anyone._

_You have to call someone. The police can take evidence and find him before he hurts Spence._

She stood up again and swayed on her feet. Her head hurt so badly, she couldn't think straight. The logical part of her brain, the one that knew she should call the police was yammering at her like the buzz of angry bees. She took a tentative step forward and tried to ignore that voice. When she didn't get dizzy again, she went into the bathroom and began to carefully strip away her torn pajamas.

She saw her reflection in the mirror out of the corner of her eye and froze. Looking directly at the face in the mirror was not an option. She put her back to the mirror and slowly took off the rest of her clothes. It was cold in the bathroom; she should have turned on the heat because she realized that she was shivering. Gooseflesh was breaking out all over her body.

She didn't realize that she had turned on the shower until steam began to fog up the bathroom. The scalding water didn't register on her skin as she was still quaking with cold.

_You have to go to the doctor, your going into shock._

It didn't matter; the urge to wash _him_ off her skin was so overwhelming that she began to sob when her shaking fingers couldn't open the bottle of body wash she always used. The bottle dropped out of her hands, and fell to the floor of the shower with a loud thud. She jumped in fright, slipped on the wet tiles, and nearly fell. When she finally got the bottle open and poured some of the liquid onto her loofa, she was hysterical.

She turned up the hot water and began to scrub her body as hard as she could all over. The logical part of her brain tried to warn her that she was destroying evidence but she didn't care. She had to make _him _go away. She had to get _him_ out of her head and the feel of _him _off her skin. The water wasn't hot enough so she turned it up and then scrubbed at her lips where she could still taste _him_.

Finally the water went truly cold and she had to stumble out of the shower. The bathroom was still filled with steam and the mirror over the sink was fogged up. She didn't see the cut cheek or the black eye she carried. She didn't see how red her body was or the myriad of other bruises she had. Even the pain was pushed back in her head as she lurched into the bedroom and fell back onto her bed.

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Reid adjusted his tie for the tenth time since putting it on an hour earlier. It didn't look right for lunch on a Saturday afternoon.

_Wait just a minute, since when do you worry about your clothes genius?_

Okay… that was a valid question. He pulled on his collar again with hands that were beginning to shake.

_What you're wearing is fine. If she doesn't like it then she's not worth your time._

He frowned at his reflection and began to loosen the tie. Five minutes later he was back in front of the mirror, and surveying how he looked in an old purple tee shirt and jeans.

_Now I don't look like a college kid anymore._

That was his story and he was sticking to it. He hastily brushed his teeth and went to find his only pair of sneakers. He put on a pair of mismatched socks for good luck and tied up his running shoes. His hands were still trembling, but at least he wasn't worried that JJ would laugh at him.

_She never laughed at the way you dressed before, why are you worried about it now?_

The truth was that she never noticed before, but maybe she would now, and he wanted to look good for her.

He looked at his watch for the hundredth time in the last three hours and saw that it was only eleven o'clock. What was he going to do for an hour and a half? Maybe more reading would help? He fled from the bathroom to the living room and began to peruse the stacks of books that covered every inch of available space. Unfortunately… he'd read and memorized all of them, which meant he was out of luck. He checked his watch again. It was eleven fifteen.

Okay… how about a movie or some television. He grabbed the remote and sat down in a big comfy easy chair in one corner of the room. Five minutes later he turned off the television and tossed aside the remote with a grunt of frustration. Who knew there was nothing to watch on three hundred channels but infomercials and cartoons at eleven twenty on a Saturday morning?

He looked at his watch again, another two minutes had passed. He tried to read again but ended up throwing the book aside. He cursed when it slipped past his sore thumb on the way out of his hands. He spent the last 30 minutes before leaving his house, staring at the wall, and wondering if this was a bad idea.

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At precisely one pm, Reid parked his car and stepped out into the summer sunshine. The light of the sun dazzled the eyes that afternoon, and he wore a pair of dark tinted sunglasses. The market was crowded with people walking past him in both directions. There were large groups of young people dressed in grunge clothing laughing hysterically. He saw families of little children and parents. Here and there were couples strolling hand in hand.

He noticed as he made his way through the heat and the sun beating down on the concrete, that he was the only one that was there alone. He almost turned and ran back to his car. What if she didn't show up?

The shop was one of those places with tables covered in large colorful beach umbrellas. The shade was cool and inviting. He found the only empty table and sat wondering if he'd gotten the time wrong. It wasn't like JJ to be late.

He decided to people watch while he waited for her. He looked to the left and saw a couple sitting at the next table. The young man was dark haired and handsome. The woman was blond with a pretty face. She reminded him of JJ and he did a double take, thinking that she had come here and was with was with someone else. She wouldn't do that to him, would she?

Then the woman turned her head in his direction. It wasn't JJ. She was looking rather strangely at him, and he realized he was staring and probably had a very upset face. He ducked his head and began to count the holes in the woven metal table top. When he reached two hundred and twenty seven, he thought maybe he could look up without blushing.

He looked at his watch. It was one ten. He resumed watching people walk by in the harsh sunlight. All of the guys seem so confident that they could make their girlfriends, or in two cases boyfriends, happy. He didn't think he could talk to JJ now, much less give her a happy outing.

It was ridiculous; they sat next to each other on the plan all the time and talked. They played poker and rummy and got along great. They went out for coffee after cases, why was this different? He looked at his watch again and saw that it was one thirty.

He was beginning to get a little angry. How could she just not show up? Was she trying to hurt him so that he wouldn't try to be more then friends? He felt a tear in one eye and swiped at it impatiently. He was a grown man; he refused to cry in public!

It was one forty two pm. Maybe he should call her. Maybe something had happened and she couldn't get there. Maybe she forgot about the date. He pulled his phone out of his pocket. His finger hovered over the speed dial for her cell. He put the phone down on the table and stared at it. Maybe he could will her to call him and tell him why she wasn't there. Something had to have happened, she wouldn't just forget about him. She teased him a lot, but she wouldn't just let him sit there.

He picked up the phone and looked at it. He listened hard, hoping it would ring. The man sitting directly in front of him leaned over and kissed the women he was with. The clock on his phone said it was one forty seven. He slammed it down on the table.

A red-headed woman sat down alone at a table that had just cleared. She smiled at him. He ignored her and picked up the phone. His finger pushed the speed dial button. He listened to it ring and ring, his heart racing as though he'd just run a marathon. Her voicemail picked up and he left a very terse message with her, nearly demanding that she call him back.

He checked his watch again. It was one fifty seven. He would wait another three minutes and then he would leave. He looked around again and saw the red-head looking appreciatively at him. If he were Morgan, he wouldn't be wallowing in despair; he would go talk to her.

_You're not Morgan! _

That much was obvious. When he got up to leave, it was two fifteen. The red-head was talking to a very handsome blond haired man.

_Good job wimp. You let JJ lead you around by the nose and she_ _stands you up, then you ignore a perfectly acceptable substitute. It's a good thing Morgan isn't here; he'd be laughing his ass off. _

It seemed to take him forever to reach his car again. The sun was too hot and he couldn't touch the steering wheel. The air conditioning felt good on his face when he started the car. Her home phone rang for a long time before going to her answering machine when he gave in and called her.

"_Hi… you've reached the Jareau residence, leave a message."_

Her bright and vivacious voice cut his heart to the quick. He should hang up and not let her know that she'd hurt him.

"Ah… hi JJ… it's Spencer. If you're there, please pick up. Its two twenty and I'm at the market waiting for you. I just wanted to know if you're okay.If there is something wrong, please tell me so that I can help. Ah… you have my number. Call me!"

He shut his phone and began to berate himself for calling her. She obviously wasn't home and didn't want to be disturbed.

_She probably has another date, and she forgot about when she asked you to lunch and then she was too embarrassed to call. _

_That's a truly lame excuse, Reid. She decided she doesn't want to be with you and this is her way of telling you. _

By the time he reached his apartment, he'd decided he wouldn't call her again. They had the whole week off. He made a promise to himself that he wouldn't think of her again, and that when they went back to work he would be her friend but nothing more.

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When her cell phone rang, and woke her up from nightmares of faceless voices and rough hands on her flesh, she was curled up in a ball at the bottom of her bed. She tried to move to reach the phone but her body was so cramped and sore she couldn't get to it before it quit ringing. It took five agonizing minutes for her to straighten her body and pick up her phone. The missed call log showed Spencer's number.

_Oh God… I forgot about lunch._

The clock said it was one fifty-seven pm, she was an hour late. There was no way she could have met him, there was too much pain, and if he saw her, he'd make her tell him what happened.

_I can't allow that. He can't see me this way and know what I let happen to me. I should have stopped it… Spence won't understand, he'll think I should have fought harder._

She should call him back and apologize. There had to be a plausible excuse to use. Her hands were still shaking and she could hardly hold her phone. No way was she going to be able to talk to him and make him believe that nothing was wrong. He would hear her distress in her voice.

She had to go to the bathroom badly. Getting out of bed was more difficult then anything she had done in a very long time. She felt like she had been run over by a truck. Every muscle and joint screamed and she found that she couldn't stand up straight.

She heard the phone ring when she came out of the bath room. His voice came out of the answering machine, floating down to her as she tried to walk down the hall to the kitchen. The hurt, and the anger, and the concern were naked in his voice. Tears sprang up in her eyes. She wanted to answer the phone and tell him what happened. Her hand reached out for the phone, but she couldn't pick it up. Then the message was over and his voice was gone.

The handset of the phone was like an accusation, screaming at her to trust Spencer, to call him back and ask for help. Her job had ensured that she had few close friends. She couldn't call Emily, she didn't know her that well, or trust her. Penelope was a good friend, but she wouldn't let it go. She would pester or physically drag JJ to the cops. Hotch or Gideon was out of the question for much the same reason.

_Remember Tobias Henkel, only Reid can really understand. He knows what it's like to be tortured._

Suddenly dogs were barking all around her and all she could see were their glowing, insane eyes. Then one jumped her and she screamed, stumbling back into the wall. She could feel its hot breath on her check. She could feel the fangs on her arm tearing into the flesh. Pain flared in the old injury and added its counterpoint to the thrumming of her other injuries, creating a symphony of agony. Her head missed the counter top by inches when she fainted into a heap on the living room floor.

_A/n I'm trying to make this as realistic for JJ as possible without being graphic, please forgive me if I get it wrong, no offense is intended_


	3. Chapter 3

_A/n once again thanks to all my reviewers. Feedbak is a gift. _

_Warning: See the authors notes on first chapter. _

_Disclaimer: Nothing pertaining to CM is owned by me. No copyright infringment is intended by this posting._

It was raining heavily the next morning. He sat up in his bed and rubbed his eyes like a small child. The clock beside him informed him that it was only seven oh four am. He sighed loudly and punched one of his pillows. The clock had read four am when he'd finally stopped tossing and turning and found sleep.

It was no escape for him. His dreams had been populated with monsters that turned into barking dog, and men with multiple personalities that assured him that if he would just take the drugs they offered him, all would be well.

He scrubbed a hand over his face, feeling the sparse beard he always had in the morning. It scratched the palm of his hand. He should shave. He should just get up and get dressed for the morning and go about his business. There was no rule book that said he had to continue to wallow in misery like a pig in the mud.

Except… something was wrong. He could sense it. He turned to the bedside table and picked up his phone. The rain drummed on the roof over his head. The sky was ashen, the perfect day for a funeral. He shivered hard at such a terrible thought.

He put the phone down again and looked at his upturned palms. The two small vials he'd carried around with him for months, but never used sat innocently in one of his open hands. He blinked in surprise and looked again, they were gone. He wanted the drugs for the first time in months, he wanted them badly, but he forced himself to close the need out of his mind.

He began to run the statistics for sleep depravation through his mind. Okay… he'd had several nights in a row of little or no sleep; first the case, then excitement over his date, and now this. His brain must have reached the point of hallucinations.

The phone beside his bed called to him. He stared at it for exactly four minutes. No… if he just ignored the phone, he could pretend nothing had happened. The phone was in his hand, how had it gotten there? He was listening to his messages and she hadn't called. Why didn't she call him back? Something was wrong!

He tossed the phone aside and got out of bed. He wore only boxers and they hit the hamper just before he entered the bathroom. A long hot shower would do the trick and if it didn't, well he would stick his head out it the rain instead.

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The pain was more bearable when she woke up and heard the rain pounding on the roof. This was good. It meant that if Reid were suspicious he wouldn't come over to see her. No one was going to venture out in this storm.

Her muscles screamed all over her body when she tried to get up. The bed called her back, the sheets she had wrestled onto the bed last night when she could no longer stand _his _scent, were still crisp and clean and inviting. The other sheets were in the garbage can.

She pulled on a pink fuzzy robe and white slippers. The trip to the bathroom that morning was easier, but she continued to avoid her reflection. Her hand traveled on its own to her face and she winced at the pain in the right side. It had to be badly bruised.

The water was scalding again when she got into the shower. She could still feel him all over her. The water hurt her wounds, but the pain cleared her head of the barking dogs that had followed her to sleep.

The nightmares she hadn't remembered suddenly began to play over and over in her head. She and Reid were back at Tobias's house. Reid told her he would go around the back. This time she followed him, but when she rounded the corner, a faceless man stepped out, his hand around Reid's throat.

"You told… now you have to pay." She could hear Reid's neck snap as the man broke it and then tossed his body aside like a sack of grain. Then he reached for her. She screamed over the drumming of the water in the shower and stumbled out of the stall. Her feet slipped on the tile and she fell. She scrabbled on hands and knees for the toilet. Dry heaves were all that wracked her body; there was nothing in her stomach to lose.

She sat on the cold tile floor dripping water and sobbed while the water in the shower turned cold and the rain continued to fall.

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The shower didn't help and he was beginning to be afraid. What if something had happened and she was hurt and couldn't get help? He picked up the phone for the third time in a half an hour and dialed her home number. When he got the answering machine, he begged her again to pick up. She didn't answer. That was it! He was going over there whether she wanted to see him or not. He grabbed his holster and gun and ran out into the rain.

He knew that he shouldn't drive in this downpour. He could hardly see the road in front of him. He definitely shouldn't use his cell phone, but he couldn't stop calling her, first her cell and then her home number. His fingers danced over the speed dial like a monkey trying to play a grand piano. She never answered until he pulled into her driveway forty minutes later.

He was soaked by the time he got to the porch in front of the small home she rented. The blinds were all drawn and the door was locked, it twisted uselessly in his hand. He began to pound on the door, not waiting for her to answer his knocking.

When she didn't answer, he began to yell through the rain and over his fist which continued to beat on the door. He was going to make her answer. He knew that panic was making him irrational, but he didn't care. His heart was in his throat and pounding so hard it was making him dizzy

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JJ snapped out of her daze when she heard her home phone ring. It rang and rang and she ignored it. There was a pause and then her cell began to beep insistently. She tried to ignore both of them, knowing it was Spencer, but he wouldn't give up. The incessant ringing was boring into her head like a chisel on an anvil. She had just finished dragging on a sweat suit, when his voice was on her answering machine again. She froze when she heard him say he was outside her door. Then he began to knock.

Her heart kicked back into overdrive. She couldn't let him in; he would see her face and know instantly what happened. The knocking went on over the pounding of the rain and then he began to yell over the rain at her.

"I know you're there JJ. Please let me in. I can help. I know something is wrong."

Her legs were paralyzed. He wouldn't go away if she ignored him. Maybe the neighbors would hear him and think the worst. What if they called the police? That galvanized her into action. When she opened the door his hand was still raised to pound on it. She opened the door and stood back without a word.

She watched him hesitate and then his dripping wet form entered the house and stood staring at her. The house was in deep gloom and she knew he couldn't see her face. Abruptly the rain slowed to a gentle shower.

"JJ… is that you?"

"Who else would it be?" She tried to force her voice to be cheerful, but all that came out was a hoarse croak.

"I've been calling you for hours, why didn't you answer. Why didn't you show up yesterday? Did I do something wrong?"

It broke her heart to hear him blame himself for her absence the day before, but she couldn't get her mouth to work to reassure him.

The door closed and the room went even darker. She could only hear the water dripping from him and his breathing. Her heart began to race again, she needed to turn on the light, but then he would see her.

"Did you hear what I said?" He asked taking a step toward her.

She backed away from him and into the end table. Her hiss of pain echoed through the room like the report of a gun. She realized that the rain had stopped.

"I'm okay Spence; I just got sick all of the sudden. I really am sorry that I missed our lunch, but I'm okay."

"I can't see you JJ please turn on the light."

"Reid I…"

"Turn on the light!" He said it harshly and he heard her gasp in fright.

"JJ… is there someone here? Is someone threatening you?" His hand went to the gun on his hip. He prayed he didn't have to use it.

"No... of course not, I'm just sick that's all."

"I don't believe you. Turn on the lights, or I'll find the switch and turn them on for you!" 

She reached around and turned on the light. His sharp intake of breath ripped at her heart and made her heart gallop again. He would know now. There was no hiding it.

"Where is he JJ?" She refused to meet his eyes. She couldn't bare his pity when he looked at her.

"He's not here, he's gone." She was crying again. He moved past her and checked the house anyway his gun in his hands.

She stood her back against one wall and cried. Reid came back to the living room and stood looking at her his face white and drawn.

"You haven't called the police." His voice was passive almost careless, but she could see in his eyes that he was furious.

"I… I don't want to, just let it go."

He looked up in shock, his hair still dripping onto his wet tee shirt. "Let it go, you've got to be freaking kidding me."

She flinched away from him; he never spoke to anyone like that. "Please Spencer, go away!"

"No! I'm calling Gideon!" He pulled out his phone.

"No! You can't tell anyone, he said he would kill you!" She shouted thoughtlessly at him.

His hand paused over the speed dial button. He slowly raised his head to look at her. "He said that he has been watching us. When he… during… he said that he'd even sat at the next table when we had coffee a week ago. He heard us talking about Tobias and the dogs. He knows Spence, he heard everything. He said he had to be very careful in planning… He said that since I'm a FBI agent he had to be careful." Her legs were trembling so badly she couldn't stand and for the second time in twenty four hours she fainted.

Reid leaped forward and caught her in his arms. When he laid her on her bed minutes later she was moaning and thrashing. He stood up and went to the big easy chair in the corner of the room and sat down. He didn't know what he should do. Gideon would say to call the police, but it was likely that any evidence was gone by now.

She stayed asleep for a long time, and he stayed where he was in his damp clothes watching her restless slumber. He began to shiver with cold and found a knitted throw to wrap up in. She never stayed still, rolling from one side of the bed to the other. He heard her crying, and then she would moan. He heard his own name twice and then she screamed.

He went to her side and tried to calm her, but when she truly awoke, she pushed him away hard "Don't touch me." Her voice was so hoarse he could hardly understand her, but the look in his eyes made him get up and go back to his chair. She fell asleep again and after long minutes of watching her, he slept too.


	4. Chapter 4

_A/n thanks again to all who've reviewed or added this to your alerts. Here is the next chapter._

_Disclaimer: Nothing resembling CM is mine, nor do I want it to be, too much work. No copyright infringement is intended with this posting_

"Spence!"

Her voice yanked him out of his dreams. In the low light of the bedside lamp, he saw her sitting on the edge of the bed. For one wonderful moment he forgot what had happened hours earlier. Then her face became clear to his eyes. He saw the bruise blooming over her face like some alien flower. It was black and purple at the edges. The other side of her face was pristine and for some reason, the unmarked side of her face broke his heart.

He should have done something to stop all of this. He should have been more vigilant and noticed that someone was watching her. If he'd noticed then maybe…

"Reid… stop blaming yourself, this isn't your fault."

"I... but how…"

"What… you didn't think that working with profilers all these years didn't teach me some of the tricks. I can tell by your face what you're thinking.

He threw the blanket off; suddenly it was too hot to wear anymore. He stretched and finally made eye contact with her.

"I should've known something was wrong, maybe if I hadn't waited to come see you…"

"It wouldn't have made any difference; he attacked me the night we came home from New Mexico. You didn't even know anything was wrong until the next day." He watched her talk to him and suddenly she was crying again.

It scared him more to see her tears than anything he could have imagined. She was the strong one, she'd faced hostile press reps, family members and rabid dogs, and she hadn't flinched. He had to fix this, make it right somehow.

He stood up and she looked up inquiringly at him. "What time is it?" He asked.

She looked back at the clock on her bedside table. "It's about six, why?"

"You haven't eaten since…"

She flushed, and admitted to him that all she'd had in nearly forty-eight hours was tea.

"I'm going to make you something to eat." He informed her and began to head for the bedroom door.

"I'm not hungry." She tried to suppress the whine she heard in her voice, but he overrode her protests.

"I'll get you something to eat." He repeated. She was silent and he took that as consent. He went to the kitchen, and a feeling of resentment towards her overwhelmed him as he was reminded of doing this for his mother.

_She isn't your mother! _

He knew that, but the recollection was there nonetheless. He found the makings for a couple of simple omelets and set to work. There was orange juice in the refrigerator so he poured out a couple of glasses and loaded up his breakfast for supper meal on a tray with silverware and napkins. The resentment was gone by the time he finished, and only a vague disquiet about keeping this from the team remained as he made his way back to her bedroom with the tray.

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JJ was sitting up, her back against the headboard with her robe on when he came in. He handed her a plate and they ate in silence. The food was great and she found that she was ravenous after the first bite. The food disappeared from her plate so fast that Spencer chuckled when she finished and looked up at him.

"What's so funny?" She asked rather indignantly.

"I'm sorry… I'm just happy that you're eating and you looked like you were enjoying yourself immensely."

She put down her fork and watched him eat for a few minutes. "I was… thanks Spence." She said shyly.

"You're welcome, do you feel better now?"

"Physically yes, but I'm still scared." She began to finger the comforter that lay on the messy bed. She didn't look at him again, till he sat down next to her. She flinched away from him and he made to stand up.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to pull away, but I just…" She raised her hands and dropped them hopelessly at her sides. He sat down again and she didn't pull away when he reached out and touched her face.

The tenderness in his caress hurt her heart. Here was someone who would never hurt her like _he _had. He wouldn't hit her or force himself on her. She looked into his eyes and saw that he still loved her and she was glad. She thought he would hate her.

"I don't hate you." He said, seeming to read her thoughts. "This isn't you though, and if I could I'd give all that I have to my very life to change all this, to take it back."

He watched a stray tear fall down the bruised side of her face. He wanted to hold her and tell her that it was alright that everything would be okay, but he knew that wasn't true. Nothing would ever be okay again, not like it had before. He had to leave before he hurt her with his longing to hold her.

"I better go… I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Maybe I can call a friend or Garcia to help you."

"No… I didn't want you here, but now that you are, I don't want you to leave."

"But wouldn't Garcia help, she's a woman and…"

"What, you're a man so that means I want you to leave. I admit that I don't want to be touched, but I don't want Penelope here. I don't need her."

His heart began to beat very fast at the implications of what she was saying.

"I'll stay." He said simply.

"W-will you just t-talk with me." She asked, uncertain of the things she saw in the depths of his dark eyes.

How could he walk in here, see what had happened to her and still look at her with the innocent eyes of a child? She looked hastily away. His eyes scared her and filled her with wonder at the same time.

"Yeah… sure do you want to tell me what happened the other night or…?"

He stopped because her blue eyes stared at him with fear and total anguish. It was as if he'd just hit a tiny child. His heart hitched and he could no longer meet her gaze.

Then she said. "I… I can't, please don't be mad."

He flicked his eyes back to her and saw that she was wrapping herself up tight in the blanket on the bed as if she were cold or desperately afraid. He supposed it was both. He wanted to hold her, but he didn't move. She wouldn't allow it. Instead he took a couple of deep breaths and smiled as kindly as he could at her.

"I'm not mad at you JJ, how could I be. If you just want to talk about anything else, then that's what we'll do."

He went back to his perch on her easy chair and they began to talk. The man wasn't mentioned and neither were their jobs. She told him about growing up in a small town and living with her aunt after the death of her parents.

Hours passed and he was talking to her about his life, revealing more about his mom and her problems than he'd ever told anyone. She listened without judgment and he loved her for it. In the middle of talking about high school hers and his, he noticed that her eyes were drooping. She had lain down halfway through their long talk and in another minute she was asleep.

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Her screams woke him for the second time in ten hours. She was sitting up on the bed, her eyes wide open and staring, but he didn't think she was awake. His heart was racing as he stood and went to the bed.

"JJ!"

She jerked and looked around as the moonlight seeped in around the curtains at the window next to her bed. She flinched back from him and began to whimper.

"Please don't hurt me."

He hurried to the bedside lamp and turned it on. She squinted up at him clutching the blanket around her in a death grip. He waited patiently for her eyes to adjust. He wanted to hold her and soothe her frazzled nerves, but he didn't, he just sat down on the edge of the bed and watched her.

Eventually she relaxed and even gave him a tiny smile. "What happened?" She asked him.

"You were having a nightmare. Do you remember what happened?" He asked, and began to fiddle with the edge of a sheet.

"I don't really remember, I think it was the dogs and _he_ was there too."

He heard the italics she put in her voice when she mentioned him. He shouldn't be sitting here like this; she should go to a doctor.

"JJ please don't be mad, but you're hurt and don't you think you should go to a doctor."

"No!" She snapped at him. "I don't want to go to the doctor. They'll report it, and I told you I won't let him hurt you. I'll die first." Her hand went over her mouth.

"I love you JJ. I can't watch you be hurt and do nothing. I'm sorry if hearing how I feel causes you more pain, but I had to tell you." He was looking at his hands by the time his finished speaking.

"Spence look at me please!"

He dragged his eyes up to her face. He saw that she was crying again. "I-I'm sorry JJ, I s-shouldn't have s-said anything." He told her in a miserable whisper.

"Don't you dare take back what you said Dr Reid or I'll kick your ass once I feel better."

The look in her eyes and the sound in her voice made him grin broadly. She was beginning to sound a little bit like herself again.

"I love you too Spence. I should have said it first."

Reid began to splutter and she cut him off. Dragging herself up to a sitting position again, she said "I wanted to tell you yesterday when we had lunch; that was the plan anyway. Then all of this happened and…" She lifted her hands helplessly and then let them fall to her sides.

"Why did this happen to me Spence? Why did he choose me?" Her eyes searched his for an answer he didn't have.

He opened his mouth to lecture on the mind of a rapist and give her a bunch of meaningless statistics, but that wasn't what she wanted. He got up and went back to the easy chair and wrapped himself up in the throw. She was still looking expectantly at him.

"I don't know JJ."

"Did I do something wrong, or…?"

He shot up in his chair and said tightly. "No! You didn't encourage this, do you hear me?"

She flinched back from the rage in his voice and the fire in his eyes. He saw the fear flood back into her face and guilt slammed through him for making her afraid.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to shout. I just wish I knew who he was. I want to kill him for what he did to you."

She shivered and pulled the blanket closer around her shoulders. Hearing him talk like this scared her to death. "Please don't say that, I can't bear to hear you talk like that."

He looked completely surprised by these words, and he assumed the wrong thing. "Don't you think I can take care of you or protect you I…?'

She cut him off with a scathing look and brittle tone. "Don't say it Dr. Reid. I know that you are capable of taking care of yourself or me, but I don't want to hear you say that you'd enjoy killing someone. It's not you. I don't want it to be you."

He slumped back in the chair and silently chastised himself for scaring her. She was right, but it didn't change how he felt about her attacker.

"I know you're right, but I have to do something."

"Stay here with me. Help me put the pieces back together before we have to go back to work. I can't bear for anyone else to know what happened. Promise me that you'll keep my secret."

He didn't want to make that promise. It was a dangerous promise and what if others were hurt because of it? He looked into her eyes and knew he had to promise.

"Okay… I promise not to tell anyone at work."

She let go of the edge of the blanket she'd been holding tightly and relaxed. It was going to be okay. No one else would ever know and he was going to stay.

He gestured at the clock. It was a little after two in the morning. "Go back to sleep it's really late or really early, I never know which."

She laughed for the first time in days, and then she lay down and closed her eyes, feeling safe for the first time in two days.

Reid sat there and watched her for a long time before getting up and turning out the light. He went back to the chair and tried to sleep, but something wouldn't let him. He thought about bargains with the devil, and somewhere Jason Gideon's voice sounded in his head. It told him that letting this go was a bad idea. He didn't sleep again for a long time.


	5. Chapter 5

_A/n thank you all for your support of this story, all feedback is greatly appreciated._

_Disclaimer: No copyright infringement is intended from this posting. I still don't own them people_

For Reid… the next few days passed in a confused whirl of sleeping, eating and talking. When he woke up on JJ's couch on the morning of their last day of vacation, he began to feel fear worming its way into his belly like an earthworm burrows through wet spring mud.

He turned over onto his back and tried to think of what they were going to say to the team when it came time to go back to work. For the first time in five years, he wished that he worked anywhere else but the BAU. There was no way they were going to be able to fool the team, especially Gideon.

He sighed, stretched, and turned over again. He started in surprise to see JJ standing there. Her bruised face looked better than it had the very first time he'd seen it. The bruise was fading into an ugly green and yellow color, from than the black and purple it had been days ago.

"Hey… how are you feeling?" He sat up and ran a hand through his disheveled hair. She giggled when he stretched and his tee shirt pulled up and exposed a strip of white skin that was his abdomen.

"You must be feeling better if you can ogle me and laugh." He said rather grumpily. It was good to see her fully dressed with her hair washed and combed.

"I'm feeling much better thanks to you." She smiled brightly at him and his stomach fluttered.

He pushed off the couch and stood swaying for a minute while she watched him with a raised eyebrow. She'd learned that Dr Reid was a very reluctant riser, when he wasn't getting yanked out of sleep by her nightmares.

"Hey… I made some coffee." He sniffed at the air like a small puppy in a flower garden and she laughed again. He was thoroughly adorable and sweet. No other guy she'd ever known would've given up their whole vacation for her.

He saw her laugh and he grumbled something rude under his breath as he stumbled into the kitchen. She followed him like a shadow in the summer sunshine, and watched him pour a cup of coffee and add a diabetic coma inducing amount of sugar.

She got her own cup of coffee. When she opened the fridge and pulled out a carton of milk, she noticed they were getting low on supplies. It was time to face the world. She poured some milk and one teaspoon of sugar into her cup.

"JJ… we have to talk."

Her back was to him so he didn't see the coffee slosh over the rim of the cup when her hand began to tremble. She put the cup down on the edge of the sink and grabbed a paper towel.

"Did you hear me?" He asked in the same calm tone that meant trouble.

She wiped the side of her cup off and threw away the towel. Her face was carefully neutral when she picked up the cup and turned to face him.

He was sitting at the kitchen table and staring at her. His eyes bore into her like an infrared scope of a high powered rifle.

_Well, there's an image Jen. Where did that come from?_

"I heard you, but I told you that I can't talk about what happened the other night. Please don't ask me!"

He looked down at his cup of coffee, freeing her from the power of his eyes. "I don't mean that, although I think you would feel much better if you told someone."

_Don't tell me, I can't bear to hear it. _

He didn't realize that he was rocking in his chair till she spoke, "Spence!"

He looked at her in confusion. She was sitting across the table from him stirring her coffee slowly. He listened to the spoon scrape over the bottom of the cup and was oddly comforted by the sound.

"Spence, what's wrong?"

"Nothing… I know you don't want to talk about the other night, but we have to decide what we're going to tell the team. We have to go back to work tomorrow."

She pulled the spoon out of the cup and slammed it down on the table, splattering coffee all over the clean surface.

"I know we have to go back. It's all I can think of!" She was shouting.

"Then you know that we have to figure what we're going to tell everyone." He said is a maddeningly calm voice. He took another sip of his coffee and waited for her to speak.

She was stirring the coffee again and this time the sound grated on his nerves like fingernails on a chalk board.

"I don't know what I'm going to say okay. I know that makeup isn't going to cover all of this." She said scathingly and pointing to her own face.

He waited for her to continue and was relieved when she stopped stirring her coffee and began to drink it. She set the cup down with a clunk and looked up at him.

"Can't you think of something, like a fall or I walked into a door or something?"

He laughed hollowly at her. "That's not going to work and you know it." He put down his own empty cup of coffee and waited.

"It's all we have! I just have to pray that it works, or that everyone is too busy to notice." She picked up her cup and took another drink of the rapidly cooling liquid.

"What about me, they're never going to believe that I don't know anything about this." He asked while she took both of their cups and put them in the sink.

"I don't know. Why do you expect me to have all the answers?" She confronted him.

"I don't expect you to have all the answers. This would've been a lot easier if you had gone to the police!" He said without thinking.

Her face went white and she dropped back down into her chair as if she'd been shot. "I can't believe you just said that!" She shouted at him.

"I'm sorry JJ I…"

"Shut up, just shut up. I try to protect you from a psycho and you turn it against me."

He pushed back from the table his hands shaking and his heart pounding. "I'm an FBI agent JJ. I can take care of myself. I don't need to hide behind your skirts like a little kid."

"Oh really… so how did Tobias Henkel get the drop on the mighty Supervisory Special Agent Dr. Spencer Reid!" Her eyes were blazing and she was on her feet.

His face went crimson and his hands clenched into fists. "Have you lost your God damn mind?"

"Oh come on Reid," she said sarcastically. "You're the one that made the decision to separate, it was your call. You should have stayed with me."

He stood there staring at her with fury and hurt warring in his eyes. She'd gone too far and she knew it but there was no stopping it now.

"If we'd stayed together…"

"Stop it JJ… just stop okay. I don't know why you're attacking me, but it won't help you feel better."

She took a step closer to where he stood shaking in anger. "Quit profiling me!"

He backed away from her into the living room. "I'll stop when you get you're head on straight and face the fact that you have to deal with what happened in this house five nights ago.

"I am facing it. I have to get up every day and look at myself in the mirror. Do you think I can avoid it when I have to see my face?" She took two more steps toward him and was shouting, her face going red.

"Then talk to me, help me figure out what to tell our bosses. If you can't go to the police, then we have to make something up that won't arouse Hotch or Gideon's suspicions and right now I have no idea what that's going to be."

"Don't dump everything on my shoulders; I don't know what to do!" She closed the distance between them and thumped him on the chest with one closed fist.

His arms went around her and she pushed him away hard, terror springing up into her eyes. He stared at her for a minute then he turned and strode out of the door, slamming it behind him. JJ dropped down on the couch that still held a tiny bit of the warmth of his body. She huddled into it searching for the ghost of his scent before collapsing into angry and frustrated tears.

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JJ dumped the last of her clothes into the washer and spun the dial to start the cycle. After lying on the couch and crying till there were no more tears left, she'd gone to work cleaning her house. After three hours of scrubbing and shining and mopping, the home fairly shone like a brand new penny. She was exhausted and her body's abused muscles ached with every thump of her heart.

She had washed all of the clothes Spencer had brought back with him after going back to his apartment the day after the attack. She took the last of them out of the dryer and began to fold them mechanically. What was she supposed to do with a bunch of his clothes?

She searched around for the bag he'd brought with him. She finally found it in her bedroom, sitting on the floor of the closet. She packed his clothes and then collected all of his toiletries from the bathroom and threw them in the bag.

If he didn't want to be there, that was fine with her. She didn't need him there anyway; she was just fine on her own.

She sat on the freshly made bed and listened to the quiet in the house. It was too quiet without him there. She stood and went to the living room carrying his bag. She dropped it on the floor and sat down to watch television.

Half an hour later she was still flipping through channels, not seeing anything that was on the screen. She turned off the idiot box and went to the kitchen for a glass of milk. It was still too quiet. A floorboard creaked behind her and she whirled around with her heart in her throat and a scream in her throat. No one was there; it was just the house settling.

She paced around the kitchen with the glass of water in her hand for another ten minutes. The phone rang and this time she screamed out loud. She picked it up with a shaking hand hoping it wasn't Spence. It wasn't, it was just some idiot trying to sell her a new credit card. She hung up on the guy and grabbed her car keys. She picked up Spencer's bag and slipped on her shoes. She went out the door and locked it behind her, not that it mattered anymore, but old habits die hard.

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Reid was pacing around his small living room, furious with himself for letting her get to him like that. He couldn't understand why she was attacking him instead of dealing with the assault and the fact that they had to go to work the next day. What was he going to do?

He looked around and decided to reorganize his books. He really needed to get more bookcases. There were books all over the place.

_What would JJ think if she ever came to his apartment.…? _

No! He had to stop that line of thought right there. After that morning, she would never come willingly to his place. He'd messed that up good and proper, hadn't he? Why couldn't he keep his mouth shut?

He picked up a stack of books and began to go through them. He nearly jumped onto the ceiling when several hours later he was finishing and someone knocked at his door. Who the hell could it be? Maybe it was JJ.

_Oh sure, she just decided to come see you after the way you treated her. Yeah big boy that'll happen! _

He ignored the door and picked up another book. The knock sounded again and this time her voice said "Open the door Spence, I know you're in there, I saw your car outside."

He dropped the book and ran to the door. He checked the peephole and she was there with his bag in her hands. He opened the door and stood back to let her in.


	6. Chapter 6

_A/n hey everyone, once again I thank you all for your kind support of this story. Here is the next chapter_

_Disclaimer: No copyright infringement is intended by this posting since I still don't own them people. _

JJ entered the apartment, wondering for the tenth time since getting into her car and driving over here, if this was a good idea. It had taken most of her remaining strength of mind to leave the house and make the drive.

She followed him into the living room and he gestured for her to sit down. As she expected there were books everywhere.

"Sorry about the mess, I was reorganizing my books and I guess time got away from me."

She noticed that he sat down on the edge of the recliner in one corner of the room, as far away from her as he could get without leaving the room.

"I know what you mean, I just spent the last three hours cleaning and doing laundry. Here are all your clothes." She nudged the bag with one of her feet.

"You didn't have to do that." He said, still staring at the wall over her shoulder.

"What else was I going to do? You left and I had no one to talk to me and distract me from…"

He looked at her and she couldn't stand the unhappiness in his beautiful eyes. She'd hoped never to see him looking like that ever again.

She got up and walked over to the chair he sat on and reached out to touch his face. He flinched and a pulled away from her, so she bent a little and caught his lips in a kiss.

He broke off the kiss and leapt away from her, confusion in his eyes. He'd landed half in and half out of the chair, one leg hanging over the side of the arm. JJ sat down on the other arm and put her hands on his shoulders. Their faces were inches away from each other, and JJ could feel the heat between them.

"JJ, please don't do that!"

_He could make her feel better, he could comfort her and make the sensations she still felt in her skin from __**him**__ go away._

His eyes were dashing back and forth across her face and his rate of breath was increasing. She moved forward and kissed him again. He tasted like coffee and she smiled. One of her hands went behind his head and pulled him closer.

His mouth opened under hers and he moaned. Then he pushed her away hard and she almost fell onto the floor. He stood and fled from her to the other side of the room near the kitchen door.

"JJ… You don't want to do this. You're upset from the… I won't take advantage of you!"

She watched him twist his hands together in consternation. She wanted to be angry with him, but she also wanted him close to her. She needed it. She rushed to his side startling him into backing into the wall.

She tried to kiss him again but he pushed her away. "Please JJ, don't tempt me. I love you and I don't want to hurt you."

She went back to the couch and sat down. She put her face in her hands and began to cry. She never cried and in the last week she had cried every day. She felt him sit next to her and attentively put an arm around her. His warmth and his scent were comforting. "I'm sorry if I made you mad." He said quietly, "I'm sorry for everything I said and did today."

She nodded her head, it was the only thing she could do. He was right. She wanted him so badly, but she didn't want their first time together soiled by a rapist. She looked up at him through her tears and tried to smile at him. His eyes were sad again and it smote at her heart.

"I'm sorry, I'm so scared and you left and I…"

"I shouldn't have left you alone like that and I'm sorry. I was thinking and I think if you're careful with make up tomorrow and if we just tell Hotch that you fell or something, he'll believe it."

"Are you sure?" She pushed back the bangs from his face and this time she couldn't read what was in his eyes."

"Yeah, I'm sure." He looked at her and the arm he had around her and pulled away quickly. "I'm sorry JJ I just wanted to make sure you were okay and…"

She wrapped both arms around his waist. "It's okay, I'm not afraid of you, never of you." He sat there stroking his hands through her hair, till she went to sleep.

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He finished making dinner at just the same time that JJ stumbled into the kitchen. Her hair was ruffled on one side and there was a red mark on her face from its contact with the fabric of the throw pillow on the couch.

"Can I have some coffee?" She asked nervously.

"Sure… do you mind if I turn on the radio?"

She sat down at the small table in one corner of the room. His laptop was sitting on one side and it hurt her heart again to see that he spent mealtimes with only the company of electronics and memory chips. At least it was set for two, with sliver and crystal wine goblets. It was probably the first time he'd ever had a woman in his apartment and it had to be her, broken and damaged as she was.

"JJ?"

"What… oh sure turn on some music, that would be nice."

He went to the radio and tuned in a smooth jazz station. The deejay was talking about the holiday weekend and how it announced the end of summer. The man sounded depressed by that thought, and she wished that the end of summer was all she had to worry about.

"It smells great it here, what are you cooking." She watched him take a baking dish out of the oven.

"It's silly I know, but I made macaroni and cheese. It's my mother's recipe and she used to make it when I was a really small child. It reminds me of the good times before Dad left and the schizophrenia took over. It's my favorite comfort food." He put the dish on the wooden cutting board next to the sink and stripped off the dark blue oven mitts he wore.

_Nice job JJ, you made him want comfort food. What is wrong with you?_

"Spence, I'm really sorry if I upset you earlier. I didn't want to fight. I know that I messed up by not reporting that guy. He really scared me and I didn't want anything to happen to you. I love you. I want a chance to know what that means.

His back was turned while he dished out the noodles and melted cheese onto red porcelain plates. He brought the plates to the table and sat down

He said, "I'm not sure what wine goes with macaroni and cheese."

"I think red is fine." She started to play with the white linen napkin next to her plate while he fetched the wine.

"Do you want some salad to go with that? I didn't know how hungry you'd be." He asked pulling a large glass bowl out of the refrigerator. He grabbed the wine bottle and brought it to the table.

He said, "I don't want to fight with you anymore. You were wrong not to call the police, but I understand why you did it. I love you too. Let's just enjoy the food okay?" He picked up his fork and she felt the corners of her mouth turn up in a real smile.

"Okay," She forked up a mouthful of the macaroni and cheese and sighed in delight. "This is wonderful, what's the secret?"

He laid down his fork and grinned at her. "That would be telling, now wouldn't it? Besides, a chef never tells his secrets."

"I thought it was a magician that never tells his secrets." In her mind's eye she could she him doing his physics magic trick. He hadn't done magic for her in a long time.

"Whatever, I'm still not telling you. It's a family secret." He began to eat again.

"That's a lame excuse Dr. Reid." She tried to give him a dirty look, but couldn't quite manage it. She grinned at him instead and began to eat enthusiastically. She would get it out of him sooner of later.

"No plotting to get the secret out of me, you won't succeed." He said with a maniacal laugh.

"How do you always know what I'm thinking? Are you sure you're not a mind reader?" She finished her plate of noodles and sighed in contentment. She could get used to this.

"Nope, just a profiler and an expert in body language," He informed her.

"Is there any reason to argue with you?" She asked as she took her plate to the sink and then turned to watch him eat.

He swallowed hard and gasped. He shook his head at her and she laughed. "Hey you better chew your food, it isn't going anywhere."

"Very funny," He threw the last of his bread at her and she dodged it deftly.

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They cleaned up the mess in the kitchen and then took more wine to the living room to watch television. He'd expressed concern about her injuries and the alcohol. She told him it was okay and he dropped it. If she wanted to get stupid, he didn't blame her.

She didn't get drunk though, stopping after a second glass. It was after ten when he suggested that he drive her back to her home.

Her eyes went big and filled with fear again. "Please don't make me go home Spencer. I'm scared and I don't want to be alone right now."

"JJ, you have to stay alone sometime, we can't continue to do this." She had snuggled into his arms during the last part of "Dark Passage" an old black and white movie that was a favorite of hers.

"I know, but can I just stay here tonight. It'll be the last time, I promise!" He had no ability to say no to those blue eyes.

"Okay, but we have to get up early. You have to get properly dressed for work and you'll need your makeup." He said, not meeting her eyes.

He pulled away and stood up. "Come on you can sleep in my room and I'll bunk on the couch."

"No… please stay with me." She kissed him again and again he pulled away from her.

"Don't… I told you I won't take advantage of you."

"I need you baby, please don't push me away again." She tried to kiss him, but he backed away. His body was responding to the taste of her lips on his, but his brain was yammering at him not to grab her and kiss her.

"I won't do it. Please just go lay down. When you get some sleep everything will be clearer."

"Please Spence…"

"No, I can't, you're upset and not thinking straight. Please don't push me!"

"Don't leave me alone. Stay with me!" She took his hand and he tried to pull away, but she held on tight.

"I promise I won't try anything. I just need you to hold me till I go to sleep. Please Spence, don't shut me out."

He led her to his room and she took off her shoes. He fled the room when she began to undress and didn't return till she yelled out she was decent. He noticed that she wore one of his shirts and it looked a lot better on her than it did on him.

"I better just sleep on the couch."

"I promise, I won't try to get in your pants again Dr. Reid. Come here!" She sat in the bed with the covers up to her waist. He stood there for a long time just looking at her in the lamplight. Then he sighed and sat down to take off his shoes and socks. He lay fully clothed at the very edge of the bed.

She snapped off the light and he felt her shift and then lay her head on his chest. God… he wanted to forget who they were and who she was and what had happened to her. His better sense asserted itself and his brain reminded him that if he took the next step, she would hate him for it in the morning.

She held onto him and he waited till her breathing slowed before he relaxed and put his arms around her. He should get up and go to the couch anyway. She was sleeping, and wouldn't know he was gone till the next morning. He couldn't do it. He needed her near as much as she needed him, and for the first time since Tobias Henkel kidnapped him, he slept without dreams.


	7. Chapter 7

_A/n hey all, here's another chapter for you. Please let me know what you think, and thanks to all who have reviewed or added this to their alerts._

_Disclaimer: Still don't own them, no copyright infringement is intended._

JJ stepped onto the elevator at Quantico and nervously poked the button for the sixth floor. It was just after seven am, and she hoped that no one else had made it into the office. She reached up and touched the bruise on her face. It stung a little, but the color was fading as were the other bruises on her body.

She thought she had done a passable job on applying makeup to cover it up. She watched the light for the second floor come on and the elevator stopped. An agent that she didn't know got on the car and the doors closed. She watched the agent but he didn't appear to be interested in her face.

The elevator stopped at the sixth floor and she got out. The bull pen was always active, but none of the team was in yet. She heaved a sigh of relief and made her way to her office. After shutting the door behind her, she leaned back on it for a couple of minutes.

_Please don't let there be any urgent rape cases on my desk. Not this soon!_

She opened her eyes and went to her desk, which was an organized mess. To other's it looked like chaos, to her it was just as she liked it to be. She picked up the first case file and was relieved to see that it was a simple consult that Gideon could do with his eyes closed and his hands tied behind his back.

Time marched by on rapid feet and after about forty minutes had passed, there was a slight knock at her door. Only one person ever knocked, the rest just walked right in. She smiled and called out. "Come in Spence."

He opened the door and stuck his head in, after looking around, he turned to her. She nodded at him and he came in.

"How did you know it was me?" He asked her, his hands shoved into the pockets of a pair of dark grey cords.

"Because you're the only one that knocks, everyone else just barges in when they feel like it. It's a bit annoying now that I think about it." She explained while he sat down on the other side of her desk.

"I woke up and you were gone. I was worried." He said, his eyes reflecting his concerns.

"I'm sorry; I wanted to get back to my place and try to fix my face. I'm sorry if I made you worry."

He was fiddling with a paperclip and he said, "Its okay. I just thought maybe I did something to upset you."

"Spence… don't worry about last night. It was wrong of me to put you in that position. You were right if we had… Well let's just say I'd be really upset with myself and you." She came around and sat on the edge of her desk.

"Ah - I didn't think that…" He flushed and she cut him off by leaning down to place a light kiss on his lips.

The door opened without a knock and she leapt away from him and hit her elbow on the desk. "Damn it!" She yelped and turned on the person standing in the doorway.

It was Emily, she was halfway in the room and staring wide eyed at them. "Um… I'll just come back later." She backed out and shut the door.

"Great… now the whole team is gonna know what she just saw." JJ whined.

"Should I go after her?" Reid said and she was surprised to see that he was ginning.

"What's the use?" She waved Emily away and with a cocked head she looked Reid over without a word.

"What's the matter?" He asked.

She went back to her desk and picked up a file. "Do I look okay?"

"You look beautiful, just like every time I see you." Now he was sitting on the edge of the desk, swinging one leg back and forth like a little boy.

"Flattery will get you everywhere, but what I meant was does my face look okay? Do you think anyone will notice?"

"No I don't think they will. You did a good job with the makeup." There was a knock at the door and JJ looked at Reid with raised eyebrows. He shrugged his shoulders and JJ called out for the person to come in.

It was Emily again, and she told them that if they were done with their "conference," that Hotch needed them all in the round table room.

"Is it any use to ask you not to spread around what you saw?" JJ asked her as the two women left the room with Reid trailing along behind them at a more sedate pace.

"Hey… you know me, hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil." Emily stated in total seriousness.

"Right… I'll believe that when I see it."

"Hey… you make me out to be a gossip on the level of Garcia." Emily sounded very offended by the very thought. or such a comparison.

They reached the conference room. Hotch and Gideon was there with Garcia and Morgan. There were cases files spread out on the table and Hotch didn't look happy at all.

"We have a case everyone. Marsha Leland was found in her home in Atlanta raped and strangled. She is the fifth victim in three months.

He continued to speak but JJ didn't hear anything else he said. It wasn't fair. Why did they have to start with a rape case? Why couldn't it be something else, anything else? She looked at the battered face of the first victim and felt her stomach turn over.

Hotch and the others were beginning their usual brainstorming that would continue on the plane, but she didn't hear any of it. It was as though the volume had been turned down on her radio. All she could do was stare at the bloodied face of the woman and suddenly he was there. She could feel his fist hit her face and the pain that had exploded over her cheek.

"JJ… you okay." Morgan was asking her. She looked up and noticed that everyone was staring at her intently.

"Ah yeah…. I'm fine." She told them and saw from their faces that they didn't believe her. Spencer wasn't looking at her, but she knew he was aware of her distress.

"You were moaning. What's wrong?" Gideon asked and she could see him looking at her face.

"Oh, um… well I got a couple of wisdom teeth pulled over our vacation. I guess the pain meds aren't working that well." She said lamely.

"I was wondering why your face is bruised. My cousin in California had hers taken out, and both of her eyes ended up black and blue. You should have seen her; she looked like a raccoon for a few days." Garcia said animatedly.

"Yeah, I'm glad we had a few days off. I can actually talk today, but you should have seen me a couple of days ago." JJ added with a very forced laugh, making herself not look at the pictures.

Everyone else seemed to buy the story, except for Gideon, but she didn't have time to worry about that now. Hotch said he'd see them on the plane in an hour and she made her escape to her office. She was relieved when Reid didn't follow her. They couldn't be caught together after that awkward moment.

She shut the door behind her and dropped into her chair. Her head went into her hands and she took several deep breaths. She was not going to cry or do anything to make Gideon more suspicious than he already was. She pulled her bag from under the desk where it was always kept and put it on the chair Then she made herself go to work on getting things organized for the team.

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It wasn't nearly as bad as she thought it was going to be. The team caught the man after only two days and she didn't have to fake happiness at the final press conference when she announced the capture of Walter Carroll. Somehow… knowing that he wouldn't hurt anyone else again helped her too.

She had no opportunity to talk to Spence during the case, but she had seen him studying her a few times during the time they spent together working. She was glad that he was there to help her just with his physical presence and a small smile every now and then.

Gideon had stopped looking at her with a question in his eyes. The case had distracted him as well, and now that the bruise on her face was almost gone, no one looked twice at her.

It went on this way for several weeks. She went to work and did her job. She spent time with Spencer outside of work. They went out to dinner, or had their usual coffee after a case. She went to a sci-fi convention with him, something she had sworn she would never do and they played poker. He took her to the movies and they even went hiking in the woods. Her fear of them was trumped by her attack. It didn't matter anymore.

Everything was going to be alright. Spencer had told her that it would and she believed in him. He wouldn't lie to her.

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Reid entered the bull pen and breezed by Morgan and Emily who were having a heated discussion about some new book she'd read over the weekend. He grabbed his coffee mug off the desk and went into the break room. JJ was there and there were shadows under her eyes.

"Hey Spence," She said softly.

"Hi… are you okay?" She looked sick and very upset. Had he done something to make her sad?

I… don't …" She leapt to her feet and pushed past him. She nearly sprinted to the ladies room. He stood staring after her. Someone tapped him on the shoulder, he jumped and screamed a little.

"Hey… you're way too tense. What's up my man?" Morgan asked

"N-nothing, I'm fine." Reid said, as he turned to his friend and partner. "I was just thinking."

"Yeah… I can see that, thinking about a certain blond beauty." Morgan teased, his face crinkled into a smile and his eyes were twinkling knowingly.

"N-no, of course not," Reid said evasively.

"Right, so why is it that in the last few weeks, I've see you guys together all the time. You think no one see's it but I've noticed the little touches and kisses stolen when you don't think anyone is watching."

"Morgan… I don't know what you think you know, but you're off the mark ok."

"All I know is that JJ is about as jumpy as you are. I went into the conference room the other day when she was setting up. I guess she didn't hear me. I touched her shoulder and she nearly went through the ceiling and then she swore and threatened to kick my ass. JJ isn't like that and you know it."

"Just let it go okay." Reid poured a cup of coffee and went back to his desk. He took a sip and gagged. "Damn it!" He exclaimed.

"Yeah… you're not distracted are you?" Morgan stated and gestured to Reid's coffee cup. "You forgot the sugar genius. You never forget the sugar, so I repeat, what is going on?"

"It's nothing… please just drop it." Reid begged. Morgan glanced at Emily and she shrugged her shoulders.

"Okay man… you don't have to blow a gasket." Morgan turned away from him and went back to his discussion with Emily. She whispered to him that she would tell him what she knew about JJ and Reid, but it would have to wait till later.

Reid ignored them both and went back to the break room for some sugar. He would confront JJ when they saw each other after work.

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JJ rinsed her mouth out and looked at her reflection. This was not happening to her, it couldn't be happening! She closed her eyes and tried to keep the tears that wanted to fall from rolling down her cheeks. It was happening! Should she just go take care of it or should she tell Spencer she might be pregnant? No… she wouldn't tell him. It wasn't his, and she didn't want to carry the child of a rapist. She couldn't do it!


	8. Chapter 8

_A/n hey all, here is the next chapter. Once again, I thank all of you for your support. _

_Disclaimer: No profit is made from this posting as I don't the characters or anything from CM _

It was the longest three days of her life. Once the nausea passed in the mornings, she could do her job in a passable manner, but Spence was watching her. She'd have to make up some kind of excuse. He wasn't stupid; naïve and socially awkward, but not stupid.

They'd had only consults so she spent most of those days in her office trying to get organized for whatever case might drop in their laps. That particular day, she looked at her watch a dozen times in the last hour, trying to will time to move quickly. She had a late afternoon appointment with her doctor to confirm the pregnancy.

When it came time for her to leave, she tried to sneak out without seeing Spence, but somehow he knew what she wanted to do because he was waiting at the elevators for her, his hands in his pockets and his messenger bag slung over one shoulder.

"Hi Spence," she said as brightly as she could.

He didn't respond, instead he followed her onto the elevator and rode it down in silence. Agents got on and off at different floors, till they came to the first floor. She walked past the guard and tossed back a distracted goodbye. Reid's silence was making her nervous.

The early fall evening was cold and she pulled on her light jacket with a shiver. Reid didn't seem to notice the cold as he walked beside her to her car. She looked over at him once, but he wasn't looking at her. His face was pale and his eyes found the blacktop more interesting than her.

When they reached her car she couldn't take it anymore. "Spence what's wrong?" She challenged him. The sun was lowering itself to the horizon and had turned the air golden and ethereal.

"I could ask you the same question." He said, continuing to find the ground of great importance.

"Honey, I'm sorry but I have to go, I don't have time for these word games." She said, putting a hand on the handle of her car door. It was like touching ice, and she shivered.

"Don't call me honey!" His hand came down on hers, stilling any movement.

She tried not to panic at his grip, reminding herself that this was Spencer, he wouldn't hurt her. "Let go of me, I'm going to be late!"

He let her go and walked around to the other side of her car. He studied her over the top of the car and she refused to meet his eyes.

"I'll go with you." He said.

"No!" She said too quickly and loudly.

"Unlock the car JJ and I'll go with you!" He said, in that same infuriatingly calm tone.

"Why are you being this way? We don't have to spend every minute of the day together." She glanced at her watch. She was going to be late!

"You're going to be late for your appointment." He said.

"Leave me alone Dr. Reid. You don't know anything about …"

"You should've have told me you're pregnant." He said and now she saw the fury and the disappointment in his eyes.

She gaped at him in surprise. There was no denying it, he wouldn't believe her anyway. She should have realized that he would know. She opened the lock on the door and got in. She hit the button to unlock the passenger door and he got in after a long minute. He sat staring straight ahead, his hands clenched together over his messenger bag.

She turned on the car and the heater. They sat in silence while the car warmed. The air blasting from the heat vents slowly turned warm, but the chill in her heart didn't leave.

"Spence… I wasn't sure until today. I didn't want to hurt you worse than I already have." She tried to explain, but the words sounded trite in her ears. What must they sound like to him?

"No… you didn't want to tell me because you're going to get an abortion!"

"If I am, it's none of your business!" She snapped out at him. "It's my body and you're not the father."

He reared back into his seat and now there was only pain in his eyes. "I made a mistake. I thought I could talk to you, but I was wrong." He reached for the door handle and she grabbed his arm.

"I'm so sorry Spence. I just can't believe this is happening and I'm not dealing with it at all. Please don't leave angry."

His arm was tight and hard with tension under her hand and she thought he might bolt like a frightened colt if she let him go. He looked at her hand and she withdrew it. If he wanted to run now, it was her fault.

He said, "I understand how you feel but…"

"I can't believe you just said that. You have no idea how I feel. I was raped Spencer. Now I'm pregnant. I don't want to carry the child of a rapist. I'm sorry if you can't understand that, but I don't want to bring a child born from fear and hate into the world. I wish the baby was yours. I wish to God this child had been created from our love, but it wasn't."

She began to cry, after several minutes, she felt Reid shift and put an arm around her. "I didn't mean to imply that I know what you feel. I want to tell you something, if you'll let me."

"Alright, but I'm going to be late to the doctor. Can we talk on the way?" He nodded and she put the car into gear.

"When I was ten, my dad left my mom and me. You know that, but what you don't know is that for months before he left, they had a lot of loud arguments. Normally a kid my age wouldn't understand what they were talking about, but I was already a sophomore in high school and I understood what they said to each other.

My father said more than once that I was a freak. He said that more than likely I would end up nuts like my mom. One particular time, he told my mother that it would've been better if I'd never been born. He said my mother should have aborted me and then the world wouldn't be plagued with my existence."

His voice was a whisper by the time he finished telling her the story. She was crying again, how was it fair for a ten year old boy to, not only hear his father say such terrible things, but to understand what it all meant.

She turned right and entered the freeway ramp. He was silent next to her; she glanced over and saw that he was gripping his bag so tight that the knuckles of his hands were dead white.

"Your father was stupid and ignorant. You're a sweet, kind and gentle man, with an extraordinary mind. I know what you're trying to do but it's not the same thing. The father of this baby is a sexual predator. What does that make the baby?" She observed.

"He or she is half of you too and you're smart and funny and good. You're beautiful and I love you." Spencer said.

Her exit was coming up and she concentrated on getting off the freeway and onto the street that led to her doctor's office. When they had arrived and she parked, she turned to look at him again.

"Spence I love you too but I can't do this, try to understand."

"I do understand. Let's not talk anymore till we know for sure." He met her eyes and there was something in them that she didn't understand, but she let it go.

He followed her into the medical building and into the elevator. They got out on the seventh floor and turned left down the hallway. She opened a door and headed to the reception desk. She signed in and went back to sit next to Spencer.

"Shall I go in with you, or wait here?" He asked shyly.

"Would you mind waiting here?"

"Yeah, it's okay."

They waited in silence until she was called back. She gave his hand a final squeeze and then she followed the nurse back to a room.

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Waiting for Dr. Carrie Allen was torture for her. It seemed like she was waiting forever. She paced the floor then sat on the examination table, and then the chair in the corner and then she paced again.

When Dr. Allen entered the room JJ was on the examination table again and staring at her hands, which were sweating. She looked up and glared at her friend.

"Sorry to keep you waiting Jen. You look like hell!"

"A person could die of old age waiting for you." JJ snapped at her.

"Yeah… yeah I hear that all the time. I thought an FBI agent would be more creative in her insults." Carrie shot back with a grin.

"I don't feel very creative."

"I can see that, what's wrong." Dr. Allen asked.

"I think I'm pregnant!" JJ blurted out without preamble.

"Why honey that's fantastic. Who's the lucky guy? Is it that gorgeous guy I saw sitting next to you in the waiting room?"

JJ began to sob and Carrie just stared at her in amazement. "I'm sorry Jen did I say something wrong?"

JJ sniffed and Carrie handed her a Kleenex. "No, it's not him."

"Oh… I see. Did the creep run out on you?" Carrie asked as she put a blood pressure cuff on JJ's arm.

"No… I don't know how to… okay I'll just say it." She drew in a heavy breath. "Seven weeks ago I was raped!"

Carrie's hands went still. She spoke sternly to her friend. "My God Jen…did you go to the police? "

"No… I can't… he said he would kill Spencer. I can't let him get hurt again."

"Is Spencer the Dr. Spencer Reid you talk about all the time?" Carrie sat down in the chair in the corner.

"Yes… so you see why I couldn't tell anyone." JJ said as she picked at the paper on the examination table.

Carrie stood and put an arm around her friend. "Sweetie, you told me what happened in Georgia. As I recall it was Dr. Reid's decision to separate from you. His being hurt wasn't your fault. You have to let go of all of this guilt."

"I know… but this man… you weren't there. He'll do what he says he'll do." JJ clung to her friend and cried.

"Okay, let's just look you over and make sure there's no permanent damage. I'm doing a pregnancy test and an HIV test as well. It will take awhile to get the results back for the HIV test. In the meantime, if you're sleeping with the beautiful Dr. Reid, I hope you're using protection."

Carrie laughed when JJ went crimson. "No, we're not sleeping together. I tried to seduce him and he said that he didn't want to take advantage of me."

Carrie heaved an envious sigh. "Girl you better hold onto him, he sounds like a keeper."

JJ laughed and Carrie was glad to hear it. "He loves me."

"I guess he does, do you love him?" Carrie wanted to know, her eyes shining with amusement.

"With all my heart, I just don't know if we are going to get through this."

"Well let's take first things first. You're going to tell me your symptoms and then we'll get you tested okay?"

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Reid was ready to jump out of his skin by the time JJ came out of the examination room. She looked calmer than he'd seen in a week and he hoped the news was good. She grabbed his hand and they left the office.

"So did she tell you anything?" He asked.

"No, I have to wait for the results, but they have their own lab and she put a rush on it." JJ told him while they waited for the elevator. She didn't release the death grip on his hand until they got to the car.

They entered the vehicle and when she made to start the car, he said, "I want to ask you something. I was going to wait until a more appropriate time, but I can't." He took her hand in his. "JJ… will you marry me?"


	9. Chapter 9

_A/n thanks again to all my faithful readers for your comments, I appreciate all the feedback._

_Disclaimer: Nothing is owned by me accept original characters and the plot. No copyright infringement is intended. _

They entered the vehicle and when she made to start the car, he stopped her with a hand on her arm. "I want to ask you something. I was going to wait until a more appropriate time, but I can't." He took her hand and said. "JJ… will you marry me?"

Her heart thudded to a stop, and then it kicked back into life. Did he just ask her to marry him? "I don't… I can't…" She stuttered and his grip on her hand tightened painfully.

"I didn't mean to just spring this on you. I want to help you raise the baby if you decide to keep it. I love you and I want us to always be together. " He let go of her trembling hand and reached into his messenger bag.

She started to cry again when she saw the small velvet box in his hand. He opened it and showed her the half carat heart shaped diamond ring nestled within.

"I can't Spencer."

"I know it's too fast but…"

"I can't! I don't want to hurt you but I can't do this right now. Please try to understand." He shut the box and put it in a pocket. His eyes filled with tears but he blinked them back furiously.

"Spence, please don't be mad!"

"Just take me back to Quantico. I need to get my car." He turned away from her and looked out the window. His hands were trembling.

"Baby, I didn't say ever, just not now. Can you understand?" She tugged on his shirt.

He wouldn't look at her and she began to feel real anger rising up in her chest. It wasn't fair of him to do this to her. He had to understand that is was just too much to deal with.

"**Don't get petulant with me Spencer Reid. You ask me to marry you the same day I tell you I might be pregnant with another man's child, and you don't consider that I might have a little problem with that!" **She was shouting and it was like a gun blast in the confines of the car. She couldn't stop though, all of the rage that she had felt since the rape was turned on him.

"**You think that a ring and a piece of paper will make everything all better. You want me to carry this child and play house with you. What about what I want? **

He remained silent during her tirade, so she threw up her hands and started the car. He said nothing all the way back to Quantico. He refused to look at her or say goodbye when she parked in the parking lot at the military base. She watched him trudge slowly to his car, get in and leave the parking lot without so much as a look in her direction.

She slammed the car into gear and drove away to her home. When she got there, she locked the door behind her and strode into her little house. She picked up the first thing she found which as a little carnival glass from one of her trips to the fair with her aunt. She threw it on the floor and watched it shatter. It was just like her life, broken beyond repair.

She strode angrily up and down the living room. How dare he presume to try and make everything better for her with a marriage proposal? She knew that's what he wanted to do. Come to the rescue and fix her life. Just because his own childhood had been so terrible he wanted to make everything better in her life as well. How was it that someone so smart had no idea that life isn't a fairytale? The handsome prince can't just swoop in on his white horse and kiss the princess and pronounce everything better. Life didn't end with the slogan… And they lived happily every after… How could anyone believe such immature and banal crap as that? She picked up a book she'd been trying to read for weeks. It was a book by Chaucer. She wanted to understand it because it was one of Spencer's favorite authors. She didn't get any of it, so much for being smart like he said. She threw that book across the room and collapsed on the couch, crying until there were no tears left.

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Reid sat in the chair next to his newly reorganized shelves of books. The lights were out and he was starting into the blackness and listening to the cars going by outside his apartment window. The darkness didn't bother him that night. Who cared about irrational fears when his heart was broken?

His heart would speed up every time a car went by. His ears would prick up hoping that every time cars lights would wash over him, it would stop and then he would hear a knock at his door, and it would be JJ. He knew it wouldn't be, but hope springs eternal.

He began to doze off while watching the cars move through the complex parking lot. He didn't react at first when the knock sounded at his door. That hazy place between sleep and reality was playing tricks on his mind, he told himself. The knock came again and was followed by a familiar voice.

"Hey sweet cheeks, you in there?"

He jolted awake and looked around the dark room. It was quiet and he closed his eyes again. Sleep was the only escape he wanted.

He jumped and almost fell on the floor when another knock sounded on his door. He got up and stumbled to the door barking a shin on the edge of the coffee table. His loud oath must have been heard by Garcia because she hollered for him to let her in already.

He fumbled the door open and squinted into the light above his door. "Jesus Garcia, what the hell are you doing here?"

She ignored him and breezed into the room. "Why are you sitting here in the dark honey?"

"Look, I'm not in the mood right now. Can you please just get out?"

"Nope.. not till you tell me what's going on with you."

He sighed and flicked on the lights. God they hurt his eyes. He should have ignored the door.

_Yeah that would've worked; this is Garcia we're talking about. _

"I don't want to talk about it. Why don't you go bother JJ?"

"She's not my best friend, you are. Why don't you go talk to JJ?" She asked him as she made herself comfortable on his couch. He noticed that she carried a tote bag.

_Do I want to know what's in the bag?_

"What's in the bag, Garcia?" He asked.

"All in good time, now sit down here and tell Aunt Penelope what's going on with you and JJ."

He sat down because there was nothing else to do. Distracting her wasn't going to work.

"There's nothing to tell."

_If I say it enough, maybe she'll believe me and leave._

"Come on, I heard all about the kiss in JJ's office. Why aren't you on cloud nine? Come to think of it, why aren't you with her, instead of sitting here in the dark and being all moody and mysterious. It's sexy… but it's wasted on me honey."

He sighed and pulled at his hair with both hands. He should've ignored the door, he told himself for the third time in five minutes.

"Remind me to thank Emily when I get to work tomorrow." He said.

"What I want to know is why did I have to hear it from the tall, brooding one?" She poked him in the arm and he glared at her.

"It's not office gossip!" He informed her a bit testily. Why couldn't she just go away?

"Give me a break. You've been pining away for our JJ for years. This is like big news."

"I haven't been pining… okay!"

"Yeah, right… you just keep telling yourself that."

"Is there a point to all of this, or are you just here to invade my privacy?"

"I just thought you'd be over the moon about JJ, instead you both leave early today and don't come back. JJ doesn't answer her phone and you look like someone ran over your new puppy."

He glared at her. "Since when are you keeping tabs on my love life Garcia?"

"Since always, you never noticed before now. Are you going to tell me what happened to poke a hole in paradise, or do I have to guess?"

"Penelope would you just leave it alone, I can't talk about it!"

She reached over and took one of his shaking hands. "Hey gorgeous… you really are upset. What happened?"

"I can't tell you. Please don't pester JJ, let us work it out for ourselves. Will you do that?"

"I won't bring it up again. Promise me you'll tell me when you can!"

"I can't promise that Pen."

"Then the least you can do is watch a movie and eat popcorn with me." She opened the purple tote and pulled out a DVD and several bags of microwave popcorn.

"I really don't feel like it."

"You can't say no to the Princess Bride. It has everything, sword fights, a princess, true love, adventure, a giant -"

Reid put a hand over her mouth. "Okay… okay I'll watch the damn movie with you."

She beamed at him and asked where the kitchen was. He waved her away with the popcorn. He sat looking blankly at the cover art on the movie. He'd seen this one before, but it had been a long time ago. Wasn't there some Spaniard that kept repeating the same phrase over and over again…?

Garcia came back with a large glass bowl full of popcorn and two beers from his refrigerator. It was the same glass bowl he'd made salad in just weeks ago for him and JJ.

"Hey… you gotta let go of that movie so I can put it in the machine." He didn't realize he had the movie in a death grip.

"Oh… ah sorry," He let it go and she gave him a strange look. He did his best to watch the movie and laugh at the story, but the girl with long blond hair made his heart hurt. He was glad the lights were out so Garcia didn't see the tears in his eyes. He leaned back on the couch halfway through the movie and by the time Indigo Montoya had at last avenged his fathers death, he was fast asleep.

Garcia turned on the lights at the end of the movie, but he was too deeply under to hear or see her. She took the movie out of the machine, cleaned up a bit and left after kissing his forehead. He never refused to talk to her, that's why they were best friends. She was going to have to find out what was going on without bugging JJ. Maybe her babies could help, but she needed a timeline. She would have to watch for clues. If Derek could do it, so could she.

She left his apartment after shutting out the lights again and tucking a throw blanket around him. Esther was waiting faithfully and in spite of the chill fall air, she drove with the top down to another familiar address.

She knocked on the door and Morgan opened, looking sleepy. He let her into his house and when she told him her mission had failed, he assured her he would talk to Reid in the morning.


	10. Chapter 10

_A/n thanks to all who've taken the time to review and give some wonderful feedback or add this story to your alerts. _

_Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own them people. No copyright infringement is intended with this posting _

Reid was heading out to his car after returning home from a brutal case in Illinois. The man they had caught was kidnapping and killing small boys and it was only by luck and a little of what Morgan calls Garcia's magic that caught the man.

"Hey Reid, what's your hurry."

Reid's shoulders slumped and he drew a long breath. He'd managed to avoid Morgan's nosy questions about JJ for the duration of the case, but now he could no longer use work as an excuse not to work.

He and JJ were civil and polite to each other. He hoped that no one noticed that they didn't sit next to each other on the plane coming home as they always did when he wasn't sleeping.

"Come on man talk to me." Morgan rushed up and planted himself in front of the driver side door to Reid's car.

"Please just get out of the way. I don't want to talk tonight."

"That's the problem; you never talk to me anymore."

"Will you move so I can get in my car?"

"No… not till you tell me what's going on with you and the lovely agent Jareau."

Reid fidgeted with his messenger bag and wished he'd been faster getting off the plane and into his car.

"There's nothing to tell." Reid hoped the agent would buy that excuse and back off.

"That's not what I hear from Garcia and Prentiss." Morgan said his eyes lit up and ready for some juicy tales from his younger partner.

Reid felt a blush climbing up his face, so he decided to tell the truth. "Okay you caught us. She kissed me in her office that was it, end of story. Sorry to disappoint you… but it's hardly the romance of the century. Now may I please leave?"

"But…"

"Morgan, I'm exhausted and not in the mood to be chatty!"

The older agent pushed away from the car with an impatient shove. He clapped a hand on Reid's shoulder and said quietly. "You know I'm here to help, what ever you need buddy."

Reid's shoulders slumped and he really wanted to confide in Morgan, but he promised JJ and he had to keep that promise, right?

"Thanks man, but I got it for now."

"Okay, but like I said all ya gotta do is ask." Morgan slapped him good naturedly on the shoulder and nearly knocked the younger agent to the ground.

"I know I'll see you in the morning."

Reid made his escape to his apartment and while he was getting into bed he began to think that keeping this secret was a bad idea.

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The Women's Center of Washington DC was an unassuming building in the most political town in America. It was squat and short and built from red bricks. There were windows and door and a roof just like any building in America. The building was surrounded on three sides by trees and green grass.

To JJ it looked like a school. It wasn't a school though; it was what was called in politically correct terms women's health center. In reality it was an abortion clinic, one of the few in a large city that hadn't been bombed or shot up.

Every day for the last seven days since they're return from Illinois, she had driven here. The first time she drove down Cottonwood Ave she went right past the clinic and back to Quantico. Everyday she'd gotten closer and that morning, she had even parked and got out of the car. That was as far as she could go. She kept hearing Spencer's voice in her head telling her about his bastard of a father and all the terrible things he'd overheard.

There had been no cases in the last seven days. It was almost as though fate or whatever wanted her to come to this place and do what she thought she had to do.

She got back in the car and sat drumming her fingers on the steering wheel. It wasn't fair that he'd told those things. It had clouded her judgment. She wanted to be able to go in there do what had to be done. Now all she could do when considering an abortion is think about what life would be like without Spencer. What if he'd never come into her life? What would the BAU be like without him? She'd almost lost him to Tobias Henkel. She couldn't go through that again, ever.

Last night she'd called him and after a loud argument and a lot of tears on her part, she'd apologized and told him that she was going through with the abortion. He'd forgiven her for refusing his proposal, but he wasn't happy with her decision to terminate the pregnancy.

She pulled out her cell phone and hit the speed dial for his phone. He answered way too quickly for her liking.

"Hey Spence…"

"JJ, what's wrong? I thought you were going to the clinic today?"

"I'm sitting in the parking lot, and I can't make myself go in."

"I can come if you need me."

"No it's not that, I just can't do it. I… I wanted t-to ask if your offer was still open to be the baby's father."

There was silence on the line for so long that she thought he'd hung up in disgust. She wouldn't blame him; she put him through enough in the last two months.

"I said I would, but are you sure." She nearly fainted with relief to here him say the words.

"Yeah baby, I'm sure. I can't end this life no matter how it came about." She began to cry and her next words were so full of tears he could barely understand her.

"I'm so sorry for every thing I've said and done to you in the last few months. I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to see me again, but please let me try to make it up to you. I love you Spence."

"I told you I would stick by you, so don't think you can get rid of me now. Will I see you at work?"

"Yeah, I'll be there soon and we'll talk again."

"Bye," he said and she hung up the phone and started the car.

The decision was made. She prayed that God would be merciful and not punish her child for the manner of its entrance into this cold and heartless world. Now she had to face the rest of the team.

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Hotch placed the phone receiver into its cradle and sighed. Another bad case had come their way and it was time to gather the team together. His thoughts strayed to the two youngest members of his team. It was obvious that they were head over heels for each other. At first this had concerned him, and then he saw how happy they were together. Then ten days ago it all went to hell. Maybe he should…

His door was thrown open without a knock and he looked up to read the intruder the riot act. His mouth nearly fell open at the sight of his normally well put together and calm media liaison standing there. He was even more surprised to hear her say.

"We need to get the team together now!"

He was stunned when she turned and left the room without another word. Had the world gone nuts in the last twenty four hours? He waited two minutes on principal, and then he strode out his office door and down the hall to the briefing room. Everyone was there looking very confused. JJ and Reid were no where to be seen.

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The last thing Reid expected the minute he stepped off the elevator that morning, was to be ambushed by his girlfriend or ex-girlfriend or whatever she was that day of the week.

_Had they even broken up? Were they back together now?_

He didn't know the answer to that question. The night before she'd called him and they'd had a very loud argument, and it the end JJ had apologized for her reaction to his proposal. He knew it was stupid and he was probably going to get hurt again, but he couldn't stay mad at her.

Then she'd called him that morning and told him that she had decided against the abortion. He wondered if mood swings began this early in pregnancy. He would have to do research. He was so confused. Was it the rape, or had he done something other then pick the worst time in the history of the universe to propose?

His thoughts were interrupted when she was grabbed his hand and dragged him down the hallway to the briefing room without as much as a hello. They were in full view of at least a half a dozen other agents, and he felt his face going red.

"JJ… what are you doing." He hissed at her. She ignored him and tugged harder, increasing her grip when he tried to pull away.

_Geez this woman is a lot stronger then she looks. Do baby vitamins increase strength? He would have to look that up!_

She stormed into the round table room with him in helpless tow. "Okay everyone. I know you've all been speculating on my relationship with Reid.

He watched all of them react to this pronouncement with varying reactions. Morgan looked like the cat that swallowed the canary. Emily was looking at the table and Reid thought she may be redder then he was. Garcia looked thrilled and she gave Reid a large grin. Hotch looked angry and wary, but it was hard to tell with him. Gideon was the only one that looked serene and Reid wondered what to make of that.

"Thanks to people not knocking on my office door, you know who you are; it has been made public that Reid and I are together. It's really none of anyone's business, and I really want to tell all of you to stay the hell out of our lives.

Reid tried once again to extract his hand from hers, but she held on tight. She was going to do it. He opened his mouth and she shot him a scathing look.

"Unfortunately, I can't to that because circumstances have changed. I'm pregnant!

There was dead silence for so long that Reid thought maybe they'd all lost the ability to speak. That wasn't possible, was it? Unless it was mass hysteria in which case it was possible, after all a good illusionist can distract an audience and make them think they heard or saw something that wasn't there and…

"Congratulations, my man!" Morgan was the first to speak. He got up and engulfed Reid in a giant bear hug.

"_This is so not happening. Why didn't she tell me she was going to out us like this?"_

Garcia found her voice next and she jumped up to hug JJ and squeal. It was pandemonium after that until Hotch demanded that they be professional and work the case he'd just had dropped in their laps. His refusal to comment on JJ's announcement made Reid fell better. Gideon said nothing, but Reid knew he would be talking to the older agent on the plane.

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The case was long and brutal. The killer was hunting and finding his victims on a college campus. Working with the campus police and the local authorities had been a pain in the ass, even more so then usual. JJ was completely overwhelmed by the logistics of dealing with the press and the governor who was upset about the political ramifications of co-ed being killed on his watch.

The man they caught was a maintenance worker who had the opportunity to watch the women he targeted. Since he lived alone in a home in a college suburb, it wasn't hard for him to snatch them and have privacy in the sound proof basement he'd customized himself.

One of the women had escaped from him. He had gotten careless and she was able to trick him into taking her bonds off. She'd gotten the knife away from him and stabbed him with it. JJ was very happy that he wasn't killed. He was going to jail, and jail was brutal for sex offenders.

The flashbacks hadn't been so brutal this time and as before knowing that he would never see daylight again helped her enormously.

She noticed that Gideon roped Reid in for a game of chess as soon as they boarded the plane. She put her head phones on and pretended to sleep. She didn't want to over hear what her boss was going to say to Spencer. She wondered if Gideon would council him to ask her to marry him, or if he would ask him if they had thought out being parents, or any one of a dozen other things. She knew it was cowardly to avoid her boss, but she couldn't help it. She lay down and soon real sleep replaced the faking she had been doing.

Reid woke her up after they landed. Everyone else had fled, leaving them to themselves. Reid was furious over this but what could he do.

"JJ… wake up!"

She opened her eyes to the best sight she'd seen in ten days.

"What's wrong?" She said, slurring her words like a drunk

"We're home; it's time to get off the plane." He gripped her arm and pulled her to a sitting position.

"I'm really tired." She said thinking of the drive to her place.

"Let me take you home." He insisted as he picked up her bag and put his own over his free shoulder.

"No… it's okay."

"Let me take you home, you're wiped out. You can get your car tomorrow." He held her hand as they deplaned. He led her to his car and opened the passenger side door for her. The drive to his apartment was a quiet one. She didn't protest when he took her inside and into his bedroom. He pushed her into a sitting position on his bed and removed her shoes.

"Spencer… I -"

"Shh… we'll talk in the morning." He moved her legs up onto the bed and covered her up with a comforter.

"I'm sorry," she said softly.

"I know you are so am I. Go to sleep."

He grabbed his robe, a tee shirt and pajama bottoms from the closet. When he turned around she was sound asleep, her golden hair spilling over one of his pillows. He turned off the light and took one step to the door.

"I love you Spence." She sighed softly.

"I love you too baby, always" He said and his night's sleep on the couch was more peaceful then any night in the last two weeks.


	11. Chapter 11

_A/n here is the next chapter for my faithful readers. Thank you all again for your kind support and wonderful feedback. You all help me to write better with every chapter._

_Disclaimer: Remember boys and girls, I own nothing but my plot and original characters. No copyright infringement is intended_

Reid knocked on Hotch's door the next morning at nine am. His boss called for him to come in, and on trembling legs he entered the office. Hotch looked up at him and his expression was unreadable for the moment. He was the only one on the team that Reid couldn't profile.

"Sit down Reid." It was a command, not a request. He took the chair directly in front of his boss.

Hotch was quiet for a long time as he studied the young man in front of him. Reid knew he was being studied and he tried to control the shaking his hands. Did Hotch know what had happened to JJ, had he profiled both of them?

"That display in the bull pen and the conference room two days ago was unprofessional and unacceptable."

Reid squirmed in his chair as Hotch waited for him to respond. "I'm sorry sir," was the only thing he could think of to say.

_Good one Dr Reid, that'll placate him._

"I don't want to hear you're sorry. I've never had to worry about you or JJ before two days ago. Now you're acting like a couple of love struck teenagers."

Reid opened his mouth and Hotch cut him off neatly. "I don't care what you do with your time out of the office, but you have to maintain some professional decorum here."

There was another knock at the door, and Hotch told the person to come in. It was JJ.

"Take a seat Agent Jareau." He ordered.

"Sorry I'm late Hotch… I had a phone call from Det. Harrison in Cleveland and…"

"It didn't call you both in here to talk about pending cases." Hotch over road her. His expression never changed as he watched them not look at each other.

"I was just telling Reid that I don't appreciate the unprofessional behavior you displayed the other day."

"I'm sorry Hotch." She said.

"As I told Reid I don't want to hear an apology. I want you to remember where you are and promise me it won't happen again. I don't care if you have a relationship outside the office, but I don't want it brought to work with you. If you can't do that, then one of both of you will be out of the BAU."

This time JJ began to speak and Hotch stopped her with a look. "I don't want to lose either one of you. You both have talents the BAU needs."

He stared at them both and Reid felt the blush that had been on his cheeks recede. "Hotch we really are sorry, it'll never happen again."

"Then that's all I'll say about it. JJ how are you feeling?" Reid watched her start in surprise and her cheeks went a little pink.

"I'm fine sir."

"Have you seen a doctor?" He asked.

"Yes, I have a second appointment in a couple of weeks."

"Good, then congratulations to both of you. JJ… if the doctor tells you to cut back on hours, or gives you any other instructions to minimize your stress, I want you to do as your told. The FBI will accommodate you. Is that clear?"

"Yes sir, I will."

"Good, let's get back to work." He dismissed them by simply going back to work. He looked up and smiled widely after they left the room. Was it a character flaw to have enjoyed that just a little?

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Reid shut the door to his boss's office the leaned back sighing in relief. "Why do I feel like I just came out of the Principal's office? JJ asked him.

"I don't know. Did you spend a lot of time in the Principal's office in school?"

JJ made to him hit him and he grabbed her hand, arresting the movement. "Remember what the boss said, we have to be professional."

"Right… you wouldn't be kissing up to the boss would you?"

He smirked at her. "I just don't want to tempt fate."

They headed down the hallway to her office and began to chat about work as they walked. Several agents passed them, and a couple of them looked at them with smiles and chuckles.

JJ opened the door to her office and Reid followed her. She turned the lock on the door and collapsed into her chair.

"I thought that was it. I thought he figured out what happened."

"I know, I thought so too." He took the chair across the desk from JJ and took minute to appreciate how she looked. Her hair was down around her shoulders, and she wore a blue skirt with a pink and white stripped button down shirt. The smell of vanilla hung around her as it always did, and he was almost fooled into believing that they were a young couple having a baby and starting a life together.

"What are you thinking over there?"

"I'm surprised that you didn't have an abortion. Why did you change your mind? When you called me and told me you were pregnant, you said that is what you were going to do."

"It's your fault." She picked up a file and opened it.

'"My fault, I didn't try to talk you out of it." He protested.

She looked up at him and lifted her eyebrows. "You told me about your childhood and the things your so called father said. I started to think what life would be like without you. I decided that it didn't matter who the biological father of my child was. You said you would be its father, and that's the only thing that matters."

She put the file folder down and regarded him while he thought about what she said. "I didn't tell you that to change your mind, at least not on purpose. Maybe it was sub-conscious, I don't know."

There was a tentative knock at her door and he shrugged her shoulders when she lifted her eyebrows. "Wow… I guess you little tantrum convinced the team to be polite."

She stood up, rounded the desk and slapped him lightly on the shoulder. "I doubt it will last, Dr. Reid.

She opened the door and Emily stood on the other side. "Hey JJ I just wanted to say I'm sorry for…" She noticed Reid and froze just inside the door. "Am I interrupting anything?" She asked seriously.

"No… we were just talking. I decided that kissing Dr. Reid in the office was too dangerous." JJ said just as seriously. Emily looked from Reid to JJ and back again. She finally smiled. "Right… anyway I wanted to apologize for not knocking the other day. I'm not sorry for interrupting the kiss."

"Gee thanks Emily. I'm glad we can give you a vicarious thrill." JJ said her tone heavy on sarcasm.

"You're welcome. Congratulations by the way, you sure hid your relationship well, I had no idea you guys had something going till I walked in on you the other day."

"Thanks Emily."

"So JJ when are we going together for coffee, or whatever you can have with the baby, I want to hear all about how you hooked up with our resident genius."

"Why don't we talk about that later… okay?"

"Sure thing…" Emily turned and left the office.

"Are they all being deliberately stupid or are we just lucky." JJ asked him after locking the door again.

"I think people are blind when it comes to their family." Reid told her. He wore his usual cords and dress shirt and tie. He was so adorably geeky, she wanted to climb in his lap and make out for awhile. The desire surprised her. Maybe she was beginning to put the rape behind her.

"What are you staring at?" He began to look himself over "Did I spill coffee again. Morgan bumped into me this morning. He wanted to know all about us."

"No you look fine. What did you tell Morgan?'

"That it was none of his business. He said to tell you not to break my heart." He informed her as she sat down at her desk.

"I'll do my best!"

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Garcia was in her office just as she always was when Reid entered and took a seat in the chair next to her. "It's about time you came to see me sweet cheeks."

"I've been busy." Reid tried to defend himself.

"You've been avoiding me. Why didn't you tell me the other night that you and JJ were bumping hips?"

"Bumping hips?" Reid asked looking puzzled.

"Yeah… you know. The horizontal mumbo, dancing in the sheets, getting your brains screwed out…"

"Garcia…" She laughed at his face, which was taking on an entertaining shade of purple.

"I'm just saying you could've told your best friend instead of letting me hear about it in the briefing room."

"There's nothing to tell." He said evasively.

"Hey… I get that you don't want to kiss and tell, but you could've at least told me you were going out. How am I supposed to maintain my position as the gossip queen of the BAU if I have to hear about these things second hand?"

"I told you the other night that nothing was going on."

"You lied, JJ is pregnant."

"We just wanted to keep it to ourselves for awhile, can't you understand that."

"Sure honey… I get that. Just don't keep me out of the loop from now on. Okay."

He sighed and got up from his chair. "I promise that if JJ and I decide to tell the group anything you'll be the first to know."

Placated, Garcia went back to the multitude of searches she was running on her children. She turned her back on Reid and just like that, he was dismissed for the second time in one day.

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"Well… we got through the day without raising anyone's suspicions. I really can't believe it actually." Reid said to JJ as they finished their entrees.

Zach's Place was a sports bar with a great grill and the option of non alcoholic version of most of the popular drinks on the Washington scene.

It was a weeknight and the bar was close to empty. A football game was on the large screen television over the bar. They sat in a booth opposite the bar and JJ was keeping one eye on the game, while Reid was finishing his French fries.

"What did Gideon say to you on the plane the other night?" JJ asked looking at the desert menu with great interest.

"Pretty much the same thing as Hotch, he just wants us to be more discreet. I told him that the scene in the briefing room wasn't my fault."

She glared at him. "Thanks for your support, Dr. Reid."

He frowned and went pink in the cheeks. "I'm sorry JJ I just…"

"Oh don't get nervous, I'm just fooling with you." JJ smirked at him.

"I don't know how to act JJ, it's not like I've had lots of girlfriends." He took the desert menu from her, and saw to his delight that pumpkin cheese cake was available.

"I know that baby. I just forget that sometimes. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I'm going to get a slice of the pumpkin cheese cake. You want your own, or should I tell the waiter one slice and two forks?" He asked her.

"Are you kidding… I want my own. I'm not sharing with anyone, especially not you. Pumpkin cheese cake is way too yummy to divide between two people. "

"Okay…" Reid flagged down the passing waiter while JJ went back to watching the football game.

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Well… isn't this a strange coincidence. I come into my favorite eatery and here's the lovely Special Agent Jennifer Jareau and the super geek. They're right across the room where I can watch them eat dinner. Maybe I should have killed her when I had the chance. Why hasn't she gone to the police or her superiors? I can't believe my threats worked on an FBI agent. Still… it might be a good idea to keep an eye on her. If I have to, I can take care of both of them.

I am a force of nature, I go where I please and take what I please. No one is going to interfere with my favorite hobby. No one will ever tell me what I can or can't do, not ever again!


	12. Chapter 12

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything from CM. No copyright infringement is intended. _

Reid watched the snow begin to fall outside the living room window. The wind was picking up and blowing the white flakes into the window. The radio behind him was playing Christmas carols. He found himself singing along with "God rest ye merry gentlemen." The different colored lights strung along the homes across the street were twinkling in spite of the storm. He reached out and touched the window and the cold pane made him shiver a bit.

The timer on the oven went off and he went to fetch dinner. It was strange to be in JJ's home for Christmas Eve. He'd always spent the holiday alone. He put the roasting pan on the cooling rack and took off the oven mitts. Gideon said one time when watching Reid cook, that he had no sense of artistry about food. Reid had responded that cooking wasn't art, all you had to do was add ingredient A to ingredients B or C and add heat and you got an edible dish. He remembered Gideon shaking his head over this.

He called to JJ that supper was ready and was concerned when she didn't answer him. He headed back to the bedroom to see if she was napping. The pregnancy was going perfect, but she was tired most of the time. He was just glad the morning sickness was over now that she was entering the second trimester.

He passed the bathroom and stopped mid-stride and turned around. JJ was standing in front of the mirror with her sweater pulled up over her belly. She was turned to one side and staring at her abdomen.

"Baby… what's wrong?"

"I've got a baby bump." She told him without looking up at him.

He didn't see it, but he decided that his life wasn't worth disagreeing with a pregnant FBI agent. "Ah - are you sure?"

"Yeah… see," She turned around and pointed at her bare belly. He didn't care at this point whether or not the baby bump was there, looking at her bare abdomen was entertaining to say the least.

"Ah - yeah I see it. That's great baby."

She looked up at him and he desperately prayed she wouldn't see the lie in his eyes. "I'm scared." She said unexpectedly.

He entered the bathroom and pulled her into his arms. "It's going to be okay."

"How can you say that? I'm going to have a baby in five months! I don't even know how to be a mom!" He heard the tears in her voice and his heart constricted.

He kissed the top of her head and hugged her tighter. "I'm going to be there to help you. You know that don't you?"

"I know... it's going to be a bit like the blind leading the blind, don't you think?" She said with a watery laugh.

"Hey… I've been reading up on the subject and I know exactly what to do."

He pulled away and looked at her when she began to shake. When she raised her head to look at him, he was that she was convulsed with laughter.

"Don't laugh, I memorized all the books I could find on being a parent, there are a lot of conflicting opinions, but I'll figure out the best one to go with." He said seriously.

She scrutinized his face, and then she smacked his shoulder. "You're putting me on. You don't have a clue what to do."

"I got you to laugh didn't I?" He released her and left the bathroom with her in his wake.

"Yeah… I should know better than to mess with a profiler." She said begrudgingly.

"It's about time you learned that lesson." He told her as they entered the kitchen as she sat down at the table.

"Very funny Dr. Reid, I think the first smelly diaper is yours." She winked at him when he stared in horror at her.

"That's not funny at all Agent Jareau." He dished out their dinner.

"Yes it is you should see your face. I think you'd rather face an armed suspect then change a dirty diaper."

"You got that right."

The passed most of the meal in companionable silence, she helped him clean up the huge mess he'd made and he stayed in the other room when she called her Aunt.

When she came into the living room and joined him on the couch, tears were starting in her eyes. He didn't ask her what was wrong. He put an arm around her and held her until she quit crying.

"She's really mad that I didn't go home for Christmas." She told him.

"I figured as much. She doesn't understand JJ. I know you don't want to tell her the details, but you should at least tell her you were raped. You haven't told anyone the details and I know it's eating at you."

She pulled away from him and sat back on the couch. "I know I just can't bring myself to tell anyone. I still feel so dirty."

"I know but you need to tell someone." He repeated. "Why don't you call the rape crisis hot line? You can talk to someone anonymously the first time. They won't judge you."

"Okay… but I want to wait till after the holidays. I don't want to spoil them." She insisted when he tried to argue with her.

"Alright… I don't want to push you." He hugged her again and pulled a little box out of his pocket.

"What's this," She asked.

"Just open it and you'll see." He said a bit nervously.

She opened the box and gasped at the gold bracelet that lat nestled in the black velvet. She took it out with one trembling hand, and gazed at the small charms hanging from the chain. There was a magician's top hat, a small microphone and a tiny teddy bear.

She threw her arms around him and began to cry again. He patted awkwardly at her back.

"I take it you like it." He said happily.

"I love it, I think it's perfect." She let go of him and admired the bracelet while he watched her with delighted eyes. She held it out to him after a minute and he helped her put it on. She kissed him and then she got up and started out of the room.

"Where you going?" He wondered.

"Just be patient and you'll see," She said with a wink.

He sat wondering what she was up to, and found the thought frightened him, so he picked up the remote and began to channel surf. He was so intent on not thinking about what JJ had in mind, he jumped in surprise when she tapped him on the shoulder.

He looked up at her and if his eyes could've bugged completely out of his head they would've done so. She wore a silk robe that was light pink. The color was so subtle as to be nearly white. He was able to see through it to bare skin underneath. He swallowed hard and dropped his eyes to the floor as his face grew hot.

"Don't you want your present Spence," she asked him in a low seductive tone.

"I… I …" He couldn't speak. The last four months had been safe because JJ was hurting, but now he knew they come to a cross road.

"JJ I don't -"

"Please don't push me away again. I'm need you and you have to believe that I'm ready for this." She moved to stand in front of him and all he could do was stare up at her face. He did dare move his eyes to take in the rest of her. He gasped in surprise when she straddled him and sat down on his lap facing him

"I want you Spence and I know you want me too." She bent down for a feather light kiss on his lips. His hands seemed to move on their own as they slid up the outside of her thighs pulling the robe up to her knees.

She slid to the side and lay back on the couch, hissing at the cold leather under her bare legs. "I love you JJ." She sighed happily as he stretched out over her body and began to kiss her neck. He stopped abruptly when she arced up into his kiss.

"What's wrong Spence?" Worry had overtaken the lust she'd seen in his eyes. His hand rested on her belly and he looked severely disappointed. "I don't want to hurt you or the baby."

"You won't," she assured him and pulled him down for a long slow kiss. He pulled away and looked into her eyes. He saw that it was okay to do this, to take the next step. In any case, he couldn't refuse her again.

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The small wall clock in the kitchen chimed midnight. The little house was quiet except for the tiny settling sounds it made. The wind moaned around corners as the snow piled up around the outside of the home.

JJ moved to nuzzle Reid's neck and his arms tightened around her. She dropped little kisses along his collar bone and he sighed. She placed a kiss on his sweaty forehead, and then his lips before moving to lay her head on his chest. His heart was thrumming very fast under her ear. Her own heart was just beginning to slow down and her breathing to settle back to normal.

"JJ… are you okay?" His voice held more concern then she wanted to hear.

"I'm fine… great in fact. Please don't worry about me."

"But -"

She cut him off with another long kiss. "I told you before that this is what I want. I wanted to show you how much I love you."

She raised her head to look at his moonlit face. He was frowning. "You show me every day in little ways, you didn't have to do this."

"Spence I hate to tell you this, but this is what people do who love each other. Is this all I want from you, a great lay, not remotely. I want the whole package."

She could see him blushing even in the black and white shadows of the room. "I don't want to remind you of what he did to you, that's all."

"Hey… for the first time in weeks, he was the furthest thing from my mind. A kind, gentle and sweet man just made love to me. It was wonderful, erotic and soothing, not painful, degrading and sick. So let's not talk about it anymore. I just want to be with you."

He didn't say anything, but he did reverse their positions and kiss her breathless. She flipped him over on his back and they began again.

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This damn snow! Now I have to end my surveillance of my lovely new target. I've been watching, and waiting, and soon it will be time to make my move. The FBI agent freaked me out a bit but now I'm ready to get back to work and this new girl is lovely. This one will keep her mouth shut. No one has ever turned me in, and neither will she. I know her better then she knows herself, and I'll make sure that she never tells a soul.

The only thing on the radio are Christmas carols, but I like to sing along with them. I'll celebrate the holidays in my own way. The newest picture I've taken of the next lucky victim is beautiful. I can't help but compare her to the lovely Agent Jareau I still keep an eye out on her and the nerdy Dr Reid. It wouldn't do to have them come after me. Maybe my latest pictures will tell me what they are up to.

Well… that's interesting. Now I know why she's kept silent all of this time. Maybe it's time for me to pay her another visit and take care of Dr. Reid.


	13. Chapter 13

_A/n here's the next chapter for all my faithful readers. Enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: I own only my own plot and characters, so please don't sue me!_

JJ woke on the morning of the day after Christmas, knowing that she had to tell Spence the details of what had happened to her. It was eating away at her mind and her soul. Trying to keep it from Spence was tearing her apart. He deserved to know.

He was lying on his back and sleeping deeply, his chest rising and falling in a soothing rhythm that she was fast learning to depend on. She watched him breathe and wondered if he would still love her once he knew that whole story. What if he became disgusted with her and left? Having him there with her was addicting, she couldn't bear to lose him.

She reached out a hand and brushed his bangs off his face. Her hand lingered on his cheek for a few moments as she gazed at his closed eyes. Part of her didn't want him to wake up. If he did, he would see something was bothering her and this time she wouldn't be able to keep her pain from him. The other side of her wanted him to open his eyelids so she could see his beautiful dark eyes. Whenever she looked into those eyes, she was able to believe that nothing bad could ever hurt her again.

She leaned over the kissed him gently on the mouth. He whimpered and turned onto his right side, facing her. She pulled away from him and slipped out of bed as quietly as she could and slipped on her robe. Her eyes fell on the charm bracelet he'd given her. It was a kind and thoughtful gift, but it wasn't a ring.

She took a quick shower and once again took a look at her reflection in the mirror. Reid had been lying the other day when he said that he saw the slight curve in her belly where the baby was growing. She didn't call him on it because he was so kind to her.

The bathroom countertop held her toothbrush and toothpaste, which she employed at that moment, thinking of the last two nights she'd spent with him. His shaving razor was next to the bottle of hand soap. His toothbrush stood proudly next to hers. There was a bottle of shampoo in the shower that was his. Many of his things had found their way to her house over the last few weeks.

He'd spent most nights they were in town sleeping on her couch and making sure she was okay. He was so kind to her and she'd treated him terribly when he'd asked her to marry him. What had made her so mad at him at that moment? She'd complexly over reacted and now it looked like he would never ask her again.

Her hands shook a little at the thought, as tears sprang again in her eyes. She spit out the toothpaste and rinsed her mouth. She wouldn't think about it right now. Her stomach rumbled and not dealing with morning sickness made the prospect of breakfast that much more appealing.

"What do you say little one, what shall we have for breakfast this morning." She asked the baby bump, her hands caressing her belly.

"What's that? You want waffles! Okay… that sounds heavenly to me too." She giggled through her tears at her silliness and went out to the kitchen.

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There was a stack of wonderful smelling waffles on the counter, and a fresh pot of coffee brewing when Spencer stumbled into the kitchen. He wrapped her up in his arms and kissed her deeply.

"Hm… that's almost better than coffee to wake up to." He said with a huge yawn.

"Almost… Dr. Reid." She asked as he padded over to the coffee pot. "I most definitely rate higher than your beloved sugar with coffee added concoction." She headed to the table with the waffles and a platter of scrambled eggs. Her eyes flicked towards him just in time to see him show her his tongue.

"Keep your tongue in your mouth baby."

"That's not what you said last night."

She grinned wickedly at him and took her place at the table. "Just get your cute ass over here and bring me a cup of coffee."

"Yes ma'am." He bowed mockingly at her and poured out another cup of coffee.

The meal and the cleanup afterwards were filled with remembering the day before. Their first Christmas together had been wonderful. The weather had cooperated enough for Reid to feel safe taking her in his newly purchased four wheel drive SUV, to see Gideon and the others for a party that night.

"…when Morgan kissed Garcia after his fifth cup of Gideon's "special" eggnog, I thought Penelope would faint or spontaneously combust. I haven't seen anyone blush like that since… well the last time I said this." She whispered in his ear and he went cherry red. "Yeah, just like that," She laughed and he whacked her in the butt with the wet dish towel he held.

"Oh… you'll pay for that," She cried and chased him into the living room. He backtracked suddenly and grabbed her. The kiss he planted on her lips made her lose all ability to think straight.

He let her go so suddenly that her knees gave out and dumped her into the couch. "Don't think that will make me forget about that…" She said breathlessly and gestured to the kitchen.

"Just stay there and I'll finish cleaning up." He ordered her.

She stood anyway and he frowned down at her. "I'm just going to get dressed and then I promise to be a good girl." She marked off a salute.

"I'll be done in a few minutes." It was more than a few minutes, and when he came back to the living room, he was fully dressed in jeans and a sweat shirt, just as she was.

"Okay… I can tell something is bothering you. You've been trying to hide it, but -"

She sighed heavily and cut him off. "Alright Dr. Reid, profiler extraordinaire, I'll tell you. Don't get nervous."

She moved to sit right next to him and took his hand in hers. "I want to tell you about what happened that night."

"You don't have to do that; we agreed you would call the rape crisis hotline, remember?"

"I know I don't have to, but I want to." She bowed her head and looked at her leg resting against his, and thought about how well they fit together, almost as if they were made for each other.

She began to speak and tell him of the events of the night after they'd separated at the air strip. He said nothing as she talked, not even when she told him of the calls she had received. His hand tightened on hers and she saw from his eyes that he was angry, but she continued. They would deal with that later.

"I decided to take Morgan's advice and watch the idiot box for awhile. I made some popcorn and hot cocoa. It was about midnight when the movie was over. I was really tired and tried to sleep but I couldn't, the only thing I could think of was you and lunch the next day."

Her breath was beginning to hitch in her chest. He rubbed her back with small circular strokes and she relaxed a little.

"I decided to call you and I was just reaching for the lamp when I was grabbed. I don't know how he got in the house Spencer. He told me that if I screamed he would kill me. His hands were all over me. He hit my face when I tried to kick him. I think I passed out after that. When I woke up I was blindfolded and tied to the headboard of the bed.

That's when he told me that he knew about our coffee ritual after a case. He must have watched me for a long time. How could I have not noticed him? He knew all about the Henkel case and what happened to you. He saw the internet murders of the first two killings. He said that while Tobias was an artist, he was sloppy. He said that Tobias should have killed you. He said he would finish that unfinished business if I ever told anyone.

I was naked and he was kissing me. His hands were so rough, they hurt my skin but I didn't try to get away anymore. It hurt too much to resist and I was afraid that he would kill me and go after you. I tried to think of you and pretend that it was you. I thought that maybe it would be easier that way. I really tried to think about you, but it hurt so badly. I knew you wouldn't hurt me like that. I remember starting to cry. I was calling for you to help me. You weren't there and this monster was, and he was hurting me terribly. He laughed at me when I called for you. I think that was what got him off. I was so frightened and I was so angry. I needed you so badly and you weren't there.

When it was over he told me that I was a whore, that all women were, and I was only getting exactly what I deserved. He told me that you would hate me and that touching me would disgust you. He said that we would always have a connection that you and I could never share."

She was crying and her voice was so low he could hardly hear her. The blood was roaring in his ears and he wanted to get up and go search the city till he found the bastard that had done this and put a bullet in his head.

"I don't know if he gave me a drug or not or if I just passed out again. I never saw his face and when I woke up the blind fold was gone and so was he. I wish he'd killed me Spence." His hand was crushing hers, but it was a good pain.

"No… don't ever say that. My life would be over if you were dead." He said in a fierce whisper.

He wrapped her up in his arms and pulled her onto his lap. She cried for so long, and so hard, he thought she might be sick. His own eyes remained dry as a bone. He didn't care what she or anyone else said. He was going to find the son of a bitch that did this and kill him. He held onto her for what seemed like hours before she calmed down enough to look at him in the face.

"I'm sorry Spence; I didn't mean to upset you so badly."

"It's okay. I'm glad you told me." He was rubbing her back again and the soothing touch sent her into sleep once more.

He lifted her onto the couch and pulled a blanket over her. What was he going to do? He wanted to go after this man, but he'd made a promise to her. He only hoped that telling him would take some of the shadows from her eyes that the rest of the team didn't see.

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She is so beautiful. She's almost as lovely as the FBI whore. She will be a true challenge to me. She is a greater risk then Agent Jareau. She won't sit back and not tell anyone. She'll go to the police and when her father knows the BAU would become involved. I just wish that I could be there to see the look on Dr. Reid's face when he realizes that all of his silence on behalf of the whore was badly placed.

Soon I will see Jennifer again, once the police ask the FBI for help. The police are stupid and they'll never find me without help. This will all end when I say it ends and not before. Dr. Spencer Reid will pay for his misguided belief that he could raise my child as his own.


	14. Chapter 14

_A/n thanks again to all my reviewers and all who've added this to their alerts. _

_Disclaimer: Nothing is owned by me except my own characters and the plot. No copyright infringement is intended _

Dr. Allen smeared cold gel over JJ's belly and readied the ultrasound machine. Spencer stood next to where JJ lay on the exam table. He knew he had a death grip on her hand, but he couldn't make his fingers loosen their hold. This was the first time he'd see the baby. His hand was sweating, he tried to calm down, but his heart wouldn't stop pounding. The consequences of their actions were about to be seen on the ultrasound screen. Now was the point of no return. Once he saw the baby on the screen it would be real.

He looked down at JJ and she was staring up at him. He gulped, and smiled weakly at her. Her beautiful eyes held anxiety but also trust in him. He swallowed hard again, could he live up to her expectations of him?

"Here we go boys and girls," the doctor smiled reassuringly at both of them. Reid watched the screen intensely as the doctor began to move the transducer over JJ's abdomen. The pictures were black and white and grainy.

Dr. Allen began to point out the head and the spinal column which looked like a string of tiny pearls. The baby looked like a little alien to Spencer, but he wisely kept his mouth shut. JJ was watching and listening with all of her attention. The doctor adjusted a knob and baby's heartbeat filled the room. It sounded way too fast to Reid even though he'd done his homework and knew that the average for the baby would be one hundred and forty beats per minute.

He hardly heard what the doctor was telling him about the baby. He stared at the screen trying to realize that a baby was growing inside JJ. It seemed to be too surreal to comprehend. There was a tug on his hand and he looked down at JJ who had tears in her eyes, but also a big smile on her face.

"Where are you Dr. Reid? You seem a thousand miles away."

He didn't know how to answer her as a thousand conflicting emotions poured through his blood at once and churned up his stomach.

"I guess I'm a little overwhelmed." He finally said.

Dr. Allen chuckled and then she said seriously. "I can't thank you enough for helping Jen. She needs someone like you."

He wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. It was strange that hearing the doctor say something like that didn't make him blush.

"You have a healthy baby. Do you want to know the sex?"

He met JJ's eyes and she mouthed no to him. He nodded and told the doctor they wanted to wait and see.

"Okay," she handed JJ a cloth to wipe the gel from her abdomen. She was definitely showing now at five months along.

"JJ… I need to see you again next week, and in another month we'll do your follow up HIV test. Since your fist one was negative, I don't think the results will change, but we have to be sure."

"Okay doc," JJ said happily.

"Hey… stop calling me doc. It makes me feel Elmer Fudd." JJ and Dr. Allen laughed while Reid only looked on, wondering if they had both gone crazy.

"Dr. Reid I'd like a word with you."

"Uh… Oh… What did I do?" JJ asked in a semi serious tone as she buttoned her maternity blouse.

"You didn't do anything, unless you've ignored your doctor's orders and gone back to work when I told you not to."

"No… I wouldn't dare try. I have my own personal watchdog. As a matter of fact, it's pretty annoying come to think of it." She picked up her purse and looked up to see two pairs of eyes pinning her with equally put out stares.

"What… oh alright, geez… can't anyone take a joke these days?"

"No… so do as you're told!" Dr. Allen told her.

"Okay… okay I'll be a good girl."

"Wonderful… now get out of here so I can talk to Spencer."

JJ exited the room, but not before giving Reid a look that promised him the third degree when they were out of the doctor's office.

"Dr. Reid I'm concerned about Jen." She said without preamble. "Has she told anyone about the rape?"

He sat back down on one of the hard and extremely uncomfortable chairs next to the exam table. "She told me in greater detail what the bastard did to her. I finally talked her into calling the rape crisis center. I know she's talked to a couple of different people there."

Dr. Allen's eyes softened a bit. "Good I'm glad she's finally talking it out with someone whose been through the experience." she regarded him kindly when he didn't meet her eyes. "Have you talked to someone Dr. Reid?"

He looked up in shock and she smiled. "You may be the profiler, but I know this has to be hard on you too. I've known Jennifer for 6 years. Every time she comes in to see me I hear about you. At first it was just to tell me all the funny and strange things you say. I think she looked at you like a little brother for a long time. Then about a year ago I realized she was in love with you. She's never told me all the details of what happened to you, but I know it was terrible. It ripped her up inside. I know that things got better for you and I'm glad. Now this happens… and I just think you should talk to someone too."

"Are you sure you're not a profiler." He asked with a small laugh.

"No… I just know my friend and I want her to be happy. What makes her happy is to be with you and for you to be happy too."

He found his hands to be very interesting again and the doctor stood and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I didn't mean to embarrass you or meddle where I'm not wanted."

He finally looked up at her and she gave him another small smile. "Go on… take care of my friend. Okay?"

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Spencer took the cup of tea out of the microwave and took it to JJ. She was sitting in the easy chair in their bedroom looking at a parenting book she bought a month ago.

"You gotta stop spoiling me like this… in about 4 months." She teased.

He handed her the cup without saying anything and she frowned. "Hey… I was kidding you know."

"I know I just want you to be careful."

"Honey… getting my own cup of tea isn't going to hurt me." She said in exasperation. "What's bothering you Spencer? What did Carrie say to you?"

"Nope… can't tell you that, doctor patient confidentiality."

"Very cute, but she isn't your doctor." JJ pointed out and she took a sip of the perfectly brewed tea.

"I plead the fifth."

"Okay… I guess there's no making the profiler spill his guts." She put the cup down on the arm of the chair and held out a hand to him.

He sat down on the other arm of the chair and ruffled her hair with his hand. "I promise I'll tell you all about it someday."

His phone rang just as he was about to kiss her. He groaned and pulled the offending technology out of his pocket.

"Looks like Hotch." Reid said, his fears of the phone call coming true.

"Reid," He said into the cell.

"_Sorry to bother you on your day off, but we have a high profile case that needs to be dealt with now."_

"Alright, I'll be there in thirty minutes." He slapped the phone shut and stood up.

"I have to go."

"Yeah, I kinda figured that." She stood up, ignoring his protest that she stay where she was. She watched him go to the closet and get his coat. He grabbed his scarf and gloves.

"Do you know what the case is about?" She wanted to know as they went out to the living room and the front door.

"No. Hotch said it was high profile, that's all I know for now."

She wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him. "Be careful… I want my handsome profiler back in one piece."

He kissed the top of her head. "I promise."

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The team was assembled in the conference room when Reid entered. "What've we got Hotch?"

Hotch gestured at the photograph on the wall. A young woman with long blond hair and blue eyes smiled at them from the white board.

"This is Terry Pendleton. She's a graduate student at Georgetown University. She was raped last night in her apartment off campus. Her roommate came home from a weekend rock climbing with her boyfriend and found her. She was beaten pretty badly and she's lucky to be alive. Her roommate called the cops and they called us."

"Terry Pendleton, as in Donald Pendleton's daughter," Reid asked with a squeak in his voice. Terry looked a lot like JJ and he recognized the pattern of her wounds and bruises. He went cold all over.

"Reid you okay." Morgan was looking at him curiously.

"Yeah… I'm fine. This was a pretty brutal attack. I doubt if it's his first time." Reid answered evasively.

"He's been doing this for awhile. He had to have been watching her to pick a time her roommate would be gone" Gideon said, while he perused his file.

Reid didn't listen to the rest of the brainstorming the team was doing. He wanted to go call JJ and make sure she was alright. It was the same man. He was sure of it.

…all I know is that we have a major problem. We have the daughter of a United States Representative brutally attacked. The media is going to have a field day with this." Hotch was saying when Reid tuned into the conversation.

"Yeah… we could use JJ on this." Morgan said, continuing to watch Reid closely.

"It's not my fault she's not here." Reid said thoughtlessly as he fiddled with the end of his tie.

"No one is saying it is." Gideon remarked, looking over his glasses at the younger agent.

"Reid… what's wrong?" Emily asked him.

"Nothing… I just need to make a phone call." He jumped up from his seat and ran out of the room leaving the team looking at each other in surprise, except for Morgan. He stared at the door and his dark eyes held a question he didn't want to ask his partner.

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JJ put down her book again and got up to go to the kitchen for a snack. The refrigerator didn't have what she wanted when she opened it and stared inside. She giggled at the memory of a night last week, when she sweet talked Spence into going out in the cold and getting Rocky Road ice cream and cheese bagels with jalapeños.

Unfortunately, that snack was gone. There was nothing else there that she really wanted. She went back to her room and pulled on her boots. She put on her coat and grabbed her gloves and her phone. She was going to go get something from the convenience store down the street. They had some great chocolate donuts that would hit the spot. Maybe she would buy one for Spence too. He needed some meat on his bones.

She went out and locked the door behind her. It was still gray and stormy looking. She figured she could just make it to the store and back before it began to snow again.

A hand came around her mouth and a familiar voice from her nightmares said. "Stay quiet my sweet and I won't kill you."


	15. Chapter 15

_A/n thanks again to all my faithful readers for your kind reviews and to anyone who has added this to their alerts. _

_Disclaimer: I own only my own original characters and the plot. No copyright infringement is intended with this posting._

Reid ran to JJ's office and pulled the set of keys he liberated from her out of his pocket. His hands were shaking so hard he could hardly hold the key. It stuttered around the lock, but finally he rammed it home and opened the door.

The darkness and emptiness of the office frayed his nerves even further. The blinds were shut and the air was cool. Goose pimples popped out on his arms, and his forehead was sweating. He yanked his phone out of his pocket and hit the speed dial for JJ.

It rang five times and tears began to well up in his eyes. "Please answer damn it." He whispered in the dark. Just before the voicemail kicked in, someone answered. It was a man's voice that he didn't recognize and his blood went to ice.

"Dr Reid, how nice of you to call the beautiful Jennifer, I regret to inform you that she isn't able to take calls at the moment, but you'll see her soon.

"I-if you t-touch her, I-l'll kill you." Reid said in a low and hoarse voice.

"Y-you don't s-scare me, D-Dr. R-Reid." The man mocked Spencer's stuttering tones. "You'll see her again when I want you to see her and not before. She's mine now. I'll raise my child, not you!"

The man was furious and his rough voice got loud and breathless. "Show me how smart you are Dr. Reid and find us. You have six hours before I disappear with my lovely Jennifer forever."

"Let me talk to her!" Reid shouted, but he was talking to dead air.

He dropped his cell phone on the floor and his legs gave out on him spilling him to his knees. The dark room was suddenly weighing down on his lungs. He had to get out of her space and do something to get her back, but his legs wouldn't support him.

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"What was that all about?" Emily asked as Reid ran from the room. The others looked as bewildered by his behavior as she felt, except for Morgan. What was happening with the youngest member of their team?

"I don't know, but we need to concentrate on the case." Hotch told them with a frown.

"Terry Pendleton was a good student. She doesn't have a boyfriend and she is close to her family," Emily observed as she read the file in front of her.

"What about the roommate. Sometimes roommates have problems." Morgan asked distractedly.

_Someone should be looking after Reid._

"I don't see another woman getting revenge for something by paying someone to rape their friend." Emily said watching Morgan carefully.

"One thing we do know is that Ms Pendleton is a volunteer at the DC Women's center." Hotch informed them.

"So what… do we have someone with a grudge against abortion clinic workers." Emily asked.

"No… this man is a rapist because he enjoys the fear and pain of his victims. Reid is right, this isn't his first time. He is organized and careful, which puts him in his thirties or forties. He watches his victims carefully and picks the best time to attack, which is at night." Gideon observed while looking through the crime scene photos.

"It looks like he picked the locks on her doors. The women didn't have alarms set up in the apartment." Morgan said. "I'm curious why he blindfolded her. It was dark, why take the extra precaution of covering her eyes. The police said that he attacked her in the bed room. Does he have some kind of night vision goggles he uses?"

"We don't know. We can only speculate. We need to talk to Ms Pendleton." Hotch told the group.

"Morgan you and I will go talk to the roommate. Maybe she noticed something or saw something." Gideon said to the younger agent.

"Emily, you and I are going to the hospital and talk to Ms Pendleton." Hotch got up from the table.

"What about Reid?" Emily asked. "Shouldn't someone find him, he ran out on a briefing." Emily asked a little indignantly.

"I'm right here," Reid said from the doorway. Morgan stood and dashed to his side. The young man was ashen faced and his eyes were red.

"What the hell happened?" Morgan led his partner to the table and gently pushed him down in a chair.

"Reid… is JJ okay?" Gideon asked him carefully.

The young agent looked up at his mentor and a terrible smile crossed his face. "Oh yeah… she's just great. She's been taken by a total psycho, but yeah… she's great." His voice was hoarse and disturbingly calm. It sent shivers up Emily's back and she wrenched her eye's away from his anguished face.

"What the…" Morgan began to ask loudly before Hotch shook his head at the younger agent.

"Reid… are you sure?" Gideon asked in the same even tone as he knelt next to Reid.

"Of course I'm sure!" He shouted his face going a sickly shade of green. "It's my fault; I never should have let her talk me into keeping her secret. I should have called you Gideon. I should have called the police." His voice was shaking so badly, the team struggled to understand what he was saying by the time he finished his explanation.

He suddenly lurched from his chair and ran from the room almost knocking Morgan to the floor. His partner followed him ignoring Hotch who was telling him to leave Reid be. He followed the younger agent into the men's room. Reid bolted into a stall and slammed the door. Morgan could hear him retching and gagging.

"Reid, you okay man?" There was silence for a long time and then the toilet was flushed. After another long minute, the door creaked open and Reid staggered out. He leaned against the door jamb his face was paler then Morgan had ever seen.

"God… what the hell is going on with you!" Morgan leapt to grab Reid's arm when he took another step forward.

Reid said nothing; he pushed Morgan away and headed for the nearest sink, his gait very unsteady. Morgan watched him turn on the water and splash it repeatedly over his face. Then he just stood there looking at his reflection in the mirror while the water thrummed into the sink. His face and hands dripped cold water onto the floor.

"Hey… get a grip man!" Morgan reached over and shut off the cold water.

He pulled some towels from the dispenser and held them out to his friend. Reid ignored him. He was so white, that Morgan thought he might faint. The water continued to drop from his face. His eyes were huge and dead. He looked like a walking corpse. Morgan shook his head against that image and tried once more to get Reid to take the towels. The other man ignored him, so Morgan wiped his face like a child and threw the used towels into the trashcan.

"Reid… snap out of it. We can't help JJ unless you get a hold of yourself." Then Morgan reached out and slapped Reid hard across the face.

Reid staggered back against the sink and one hand went to his face. He stared up at his friend in shock and hate.

"How dare you!" He spat out at his friend.

"Good, you're talking." Morgan replied as calmly as he could. The red mark of his hand on Reid's face smote at his heart and conscience, but he had to do it. Didn't he?

"Are you going to help us, or are you going to stay in here feeling sorry for yourself. JJ needs you and you cower in here like a little kid. If you can't get it together, then you should at least help us save your child."

Reid slammed his fist as hard as he could into Morgan's face taking the older man by complete surprise.

"You have no right to tell me how to deal with this. JJ's in the hands of a monster and you expect me to just shake it off like it was nothing. Just who the hell do you think you are?" He was breathing hard and shaking his hand. Morgan had a face of granite. Maybe hitting him had been a bad idea.

The older man had staggered back from the blow, but he didn't fall to the floor and he didn't react to the punch. "Yeah, JJ is in trouble, and no, I don't expect you to shake it off like it was nothing, but you gotta tell us what's going on. You said she was in the hands of a monster, what did you mean by that."

Reid hung his head and then he said, "Alright, I'll tell you but we need to go back to the conference room. Everyone has to know and I don't think I can say it more than once.

Morgan put an arm around the younger man's thin shoulders. "Come on then, let's go talk to the team.

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JJ woke to a headache so bad it made the pain she'd felt after the rape look like a day in the park. She was in a dark room, with a tiny bit of light seeping in through the blind on one high window.

She tried to get to a sitting position, but her head was spinning so fast, her stomach began to lurch. Her stomach, she put a hand to her belly and began to cry. What if he'd done something to the baby? Then another terrible thought came to her as the dizziness made her lie down again. What if he knew the baby was his.

She started to cry. How was she going to get out of this alive? She found that she didn't want anything to happen to her child. She moved her legs and realized that she wasn't restrained in any way. She tried to get up again, but she was still to dizzy.

Her face hurt again, just as it had before, there would be new bruising. She should put something on it to keep the swelling down. She'd get up and find a wet cloth or some ice. When the dizziness overcame her a third time she let it take her down again into darkness.

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The man watched the monitor to the room where he was holding the beautiful Jennifer. The room was dark, but he could watch her with his infra-red cameras. He brushed a hand gently over the monitor above her body.

She tried to get out of bed more then once, but he knew the blow she taken to the head had made her very dizzy. That was okay, she would soon wake up and he would turn on the lights and let her see the room she would spend the next four months in.

When it was time for the child to be born he would take the child and then Jennifer would die. Once she was gone, he could raise his son and he would teach him to be powerful just as his father was. First he would take care of the geeky Dr. Reid. Jennifer would watch him die and she would know that there was no mercy for her.


	16. Chapter 16

_A/n my thanks to all who continue to support this story. I'm also very grateful to my beta REIDFANATIC. With out her this would be littered with mistakes._

_Disclaimer: I own only my own plot and characters. No copyright infringement is intended. _

Reid entered the round table room followed by Morgan. His face was still as white as paper and he moved like an old man. He returned to the chair he'd vacated and Morgan sat next to him.

"I know you're all wondering what's going on. I'll start by apologizing to you Hotch. I should have come to you when this all began. I let JJ talk me out of asking Gideon for help and now it might be too late." His voice was hollow and hoarse. He didn't meet his boss's eyes.

"Okay… I don't like where this is going, but we need to know what you know about this un-sub." Hotch responded, his voice very tight and controlled. His dark eyes pinned Reid like the oncoming light of freight train.

Reid's hands were laced together so tightly his knuckles were white, and still they trembled as he began to speak.

"Four months ago Hotch gave us a week off at Labor Day." The others were nodding, but he didn't see them as he couldn't make eye contact with any of his team members.

"The night we finished the case in New Mexico, JJ was raped and beaten in her own home. We'd made plans to go to lunch the next day and I was angry with her because I went to meet her and she never showed up. I thought I'd been stood up. I left a pretty nasty message on her phone and…" His voice was breaking and an arm came around his shoulders.

"You didn't know what happened, stop blaming yourself." Gideon told him in a comforting tone.

"I know… I just get upset thinking how I didn't go see her right away. She was suffering and I blamed her for standing me up. Anyway I tried to call her several times the next morning and she never picked up the phone. I realized that something was really wrong so I went to see her. She didn't want to let me in, but eventually she did. When I saw her face I knew instantly what happened. He was long gone and she begged me not to call the police or Gideon.

I really tried to convince her to go to the hospital but she refused. I know that she wasn't thinking rationally and I should have called someone but I didn't. I let her make me promise to keep it to myself. She said the rapist knew everything about us. He knew about Georgia and Tobias Henkel. He threatened to finish what Tobias started and kill me.

I stayed with her till it was time to come back to work, and I helped her work up a cover story in case any of you were suspicious. Then we found out she was pregnant and it all just spiraled out of control from there."

Reid continued to study the surface of the round table, hiding his face from his team members. There was a long period of silence before Hotch said. "I'm not going to lecture you on the stupidity of what you two did by not telling anyone. Right now we need to know all you know about the circumstances of the rape. What did he look like, how did he get in the house, anything Reid."

"I don't know what he looks like. She finally told me in detail what he did to her at Christmas time. It was dark in her bedroom when he attacked her, and he blindfolded her after knocking her out temporarily." Reid explained, finally meeting Hotch's eyes, they were unreadable as usual.

"I checked the locks on the doors and the one on the front door was picked."

"JJ doesn't have an alarm system." Emily said incredulously, ignoring the searing look Garcia gave her.

"She does now," Reid replied shortly, beginning to fidget in his seat.

"Alright… let's focus please. We need to proceed in the same way as before. Reid I'm asking you to leave this to us. You can't be involved in the investigation." Gideon said.

"I can't Gideon, I just called JJ and he answered the phone. He wants me. He knows JJ is pregnant."

"Gideon's right, you go into protective custody until this is over, then we'll discuss your future with the BAU and the Bureau. Is that understood?" Hotch told him sternly.

"Hotch please I –"

"No… you pushed the bounds of unprofessional behavior so far they've nearly snapped. You should have told us. You put more women in danger and now JJ is missing. If you'd come to us in the beginning, we could've put both of you in protective custody and caught the guy. Now I have to worry about three innocent lives, and the countless other women out there that he might target before we find him."

"I know I was wrong, but I have to help." Reid insisted.

"Then do what you have to do from here. You're not leaving this building until we find the un-sub." Hotch snapped. He left the conference room with Gideon.

The rest of the team sat looking at anything other, then Reid, except for Garcia. There were tears in her eyes and her face was nearly as white as Reid's. Morgan and Emily left the room after several minutes of silence. Reid knew that they both had questions he would have to answer eventually, but he was glad they had left. Morgan dropped a hand on Reid shoulder as he passed him, and he smiled at Penelope, but for the first time ever she didn't notice.

"Hey sweet thing… you okay." Garcia asked Reid after slipping her hand into his.

"Oh yeah… I'm great JJ is out there somewhere, and God knows what that bastard is doing to her." His voice was a hitching whisper and Garcia saw him dash away a single tear that fell from under his eyelashes.

"W-what have I d-done?" He asked her, his voice quavering and hopeless.

"You did what you thought was best honey. You love her and…"

"I have an f-funny way of s-showing it d-don't I? I s-should have c-called the c-cops the minute I knew what h-happened. S-she would've h-hated me for it for a couple of d-days, b-but at l-least she would be h-here." His voice quaked so hard she could barely understand him.

Garcia hugged him till he quit shaking. "I'm going to fix it gorgeous, don't you worry."

"H-how can y-you fix it."

"Trust me sweet thing, the queen of the information superhighway is on the job. This bastard won't stay hidden for long. My reach is long and my patience is infinite."

Reid looked up at her trying not to give into the urge to hope. Hope was foolish now, he'd seen to that.

"You d-don't know where to s-start."

"Don't worry… I'll have his name, shoe size and what side of his pants he hangs on for you very soon." She let go of him and got to her feet.

She laughed when his eyebrows met his bangs. "Really…" he asked incredulously.

"Why do you hurt me by doubting me, oh many brain-celled one?"

"Actually… did you know that the average person has hundreds of billions of brain cells so I…"

She shushed him and patted his head. "At least you sound like Dr. Reid," she said cheekily.

She gave him one last smile and left him to sit there and contemplate what she said. He had to find a way to help JJ. He couldn't just wait around and hope the team could find this guy, but how to do it?

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Georgetown University hospital in DC was large and imposing. It was one of the oldest buildings on the campus. That was going to change as a new and state of the art facility was being built on the other side of the campus. The old building would be remodeled and turned into classrooms for the medical college.

It was white, and lumbering ,and famous for getting people lost who came there to visit a friend or a family member. Hotch and Emily didn't get lost. There were ushered directly to the room of Terry Pendleton. Hotch concentrated on the gray industrial floors, and the small windows set at intervals in the beige walls.

The nurse that led them to Ms. Pendleton's room was extremely tall and thin. She was thinner then Reid. Her hair was drawn up in a severe knot at the back of her head and it was a graying dirty blond. Her eyes were large and hazel. She lectured them on disturbing her patient all the way down the long hallway.

"Ms. Pendleton has been through a terrible ordeal as I am sure you can imagine. She doesn't need the FBI hassling her." She said sternly.

Emily smirked at Hotch behind the nurses back. How many times had doctors and nurses said this same thing to the BAU? It was like they believed that the agents were going to bring out the hot lamps and rubber hoses as soon as the medical staff turned its back.

"Ma'am… I assure you that we won't cause Ms. Pendleton any undo stress, but we need to ask her some questions, there are other lives at stake." Hotch said, his voice considerably warmer then was normal for him.

The nurse frowned at them and then gestured to a door with a police guard. "Suit yourself, but don't cause a fuss." She left them and started back down the hall to the nurses' station.

Inside the room, a young woman lay with half her face and head bandaged. Her wrists had IVs infusing them, and she had a heart monitor hooked up and a probe on her finger to measure her oxygen stats.

Emily approached the bed while Hotch hung back. The young woman lay with her eyes closed, but they fluttered open when Emily called her name softly.

The eye that wasn't swollen shut was cornflower blue, and it cut Emily to the quick to see eyes that so reminded her of JJ.

"Ms. Pendleton, my name is Emily Prentiss, I'm with the FBI. Do you feel up to answering some questions?"

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JJ screamed when a hand curled into her hair and yanked her into a sitting position. The room was still dark except for the light oozing into the room through the high and small window.

"Shut up!" He yelled. "You'll speak when I ask you to speak." He slapped her face hard and she cried out. She was rewarded with another hard blow to the face. She whimpered and he laughed. His gravelly voice whispered in her ear, his hot breath making her quake with fear.

"You're mine now, sweet Jennifer. You're child is mine. My son will not be raised by a weak, self sacrificing wimp like Dr. Spencer Reid. Now apologize to me for breaking your promise."

"But I didn't…" He slapped her face again, hard.

"You will apologize for thinking you could fool me." He said yanking hard on her hair till her head was pulled back at a painful angle on her neck. A cold blade scraped gently across her collar bone and she moaned.

"What do you say." He said softly.

"I'm sorry!" She gasped.

"Now see… that wasn't so hard was it. Soon your precious Dr. Reid will be here, thinking he can rescue you, but he won't succeed and you and I will be left alone to raise our son."

He let her go so suddenly that she fell back and rapped her head against the concrete wall next to the cot she sat on.

"You will do as you're told or I'll make you wish you'd never been born." He growled and then he was gone.

She slumped down on the cot and began to cry as she stroked a hand over her belly. "I won't let him hurt you or your daddy, I swear it." She whispered before falling down into darkness, where nightmares of dogs in a cornfield and Reid lying in a shallow grave in a cemetery held sway over her.


	17. Chapter 17

_A/n thanks so very much to all of my faithful readers. I appreciate all the comments and feedback I have received from you._

_Disclaimer: I don't own them._

"Ms. Pendleton, my name is Emily Prentiss, I'm with the FBI. Do you feel up to answering some questions?"

The young woman in the bed only stared at Emily for a moment, and then with a sigh and a click in her throat she nodded slowly.

"We don't want to make this painful for you, but we need your help. Can you tell me anything about the man that did this to you?" Emily asked quietly, taking a seat in the chair next to the woman's bed.

A single tear spilled over the woman's right cheek. "He hit me and he blindfolded me," She whispered. "I don't know what he looked like and I don't want to know." More tears fell from her eyes and her breath hitched in her chest.

"I'm so sorry. I've never been through something like this, but when I was in college, my best friend and roommate was raped by her ex-boyfriend. He beat her so badly she nearly died. She was lucky, the police were able to arrest him and he spent a lot of years in jail." Emily told Terry, whose eyes were fixed to her face.

"Can you tell us anything, what his voice was like or -"

Terry jerked back as if slapped. "He had this strange voice. It was all deep and gravelly like those people you hear that lose their voice box or something."

"Do you think you'd recognize his voice if you heard it again?" Emily asked. Terry's eyes went huge and her hands twisted in the blanket that covered her body.

"I don't want to hear it again, please don't make me." The heart monitor was going crazy and the same tall, thin nurse that showed Hotch and Emily into the room, rushed in.

"I told you that I don't want you upsetting the patient."

"Ma'am we'd just like to ask -" The nurse cut Hotch off with a hard look. "I want you out of here now!"

"It's okay. We'll leave," Emily said giving Hotch a significant look. He frowned at her, but he knew that they wouldn't be able to get anything from Ms Pendleton at this point, not with the nurse standing guard over her.

They headed toward the elevators, and Hotch observed. "She is quite dedicated to her patients." He jabbed the down button and the waited impatiently for the car.

"My cousin is a nurse and she's the nicest person you ever want to know, but you don't mess with her patients." Emily told him.

Hotch glanced over at her just as the elevator doors opened on the first floor. They left the hospital and made their way to the SUV that had brought them there.

"The story about your best friend was that true, or did you make that up to gain Ms. Pendleton's trust." It wasn't an accusation, only curiosity.

"It's all true unfortunately. I can understand why JJ didn't want to report the rape. It's a terrible thing to go through, the worst thing, in my opinion, that can happen to a woman. My friend was never the same and JJ won't be either. On top of all that she's pregnant with this monster's baby. I can't imagine what she's going through."

"She should have at least called Gideon. We could have helped her." Hotch said as he started the car and pulled out of the parking lot.

"No offense sir, but you're a man you can't possibly understand." She said looking straight out the window.

"I wasn't judging, I'm sick to my stomach for her and Reid. They have a hard road; I'm just saying that I wish we'd known earlier so she didn't have to go it alone." Hotch told her.

"She isn't alone, she has Reid." Emily observed.

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Gideon and Morgan finished with the crime scene at Terry Pendleton's apartment. They're interview with Shannon Castor was fruitless. She hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary in the weeks before the rape. She told them that Terry didn't have any enemies, that she was popular and well liked. She was the top of her class and was very close to her family.

"Everyone has enemies," Morgan observed when they were pulling into the driveway at JJ's home. Her car was still in the driveway and the house was locked. Gideon used the key he'd persuaded Reid to give him to open the lock.

"This guy's punishing these women for something they've done, or for something some other woman did to him. He's having fun, this is his hobby. He feels powerless in his own life so this is his way of gaining control.

They went to JJ and Reid's bedroom. Morgan stayed in the doorway while Gideon looked around the room. He didn't want to go through JJ's things or Reid's for that matter. It was a violation of trust and privacy.

"He spends a lot of time picking each victim. He's very organized and in this aspect of his life is very controlled. The fact that he picked JJ and now he's gone after a government official's daughter could mean that he's getting bored with the rape. I think Terry Pendleton and JJ are very lucky to be alive." Gideon said, as he finished with the bedroom.

They entered the living room just as the crime boys for the Federal Lab showed up. Morgan let them in the house and the first to enter was a blond woman of about forty years old. She was of medium build and she had an open and kind face. Her eyes were green and she gave her name as Det. Janice Kelsey.

"SSA Gideon and this is SSA Morgan," Gideon explained. "If there's anything to find, we'll find it." Det. Kelsey assured Gideon when he apprised her of the situation.

Morgan went back outside and then called Gideon out. "Look at this; I don't think Reid's footprints are that big." Morgan said, pointing to the prints in the ground. Morgan thanked God the weather was so cold; they would be able to get some good casts. Gideon went into the house and brought Det. Kelsey and Det. Roger Bright Eagle out to the driveway.

"Yep… I can get some good casts form these." Det. Bright Eagle said in a heavy Texan accent. He was tall, with dark hair and eyes, and smile as big as the state he hailed from. His face was the color of mahogany and leathery from the sun.

"I don't like this cold though," he commented as he crouched down to look closer at the print.

"Just because you come from the desert," Det. Kelsey chided him. Morgan and Gideon took a look at the rest of the outside of the house, but there was nothing else to find. They went back to the driveway and Det. Kelsey signaled to Gideon. "My detectives tell me that they've got DNA from the bedspread and the sheets. We'll let you know what the results are as soon as we know."

Morgan glanced at Gideon, but the older man wasn't looking at him. They were in the SUV and headed back to the BAU when Morgan finally said. "I seriously doubt the DNA will match anyone but Reid. It's been five months and I'm sure JJ washes her sheet regularly."

"I know, but it's all we have to go on." Gideon said with a sigh.

"At least we know how he got JJ, he grabbed her outside the house in broad daylight. That's pretty ballsy." Morgan said.

"Yeah, it bothers me that he doesn't seem to care about getting caught anymore." Gideon said with a grimace.

"I don't like what it means for JJ." Morgan said worry coloring his voice .

"Neither do I," Gideon commented as he drove the SUV out of the driveway and onto the street leading to the freeway back to Quantico.

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Reid sat in Garcia's office watching the monitors with a ferocity that scared the hell out of her. She'd never minded people looking over her shoulder before that minute, but he was making her crazy. She hadn't the heart to tell him to leave. She could only do her job by forcing herself not to think of her friend and what kind of hell she must be going through.

At least he wasn't getting food or coffee all over her babies. Strangely enough, she wished that he were eating something really messy that she could yell at him for, this silence was unnerving.

"Sweet cheeks why don't you go wait in Gideon's office, there's a big comfy looking chair you could rest in."

"I can't, I have to figure this out." He was staring at the crime scene photos for Terry Pendleton's case and frowning. He'd been looking at the same photo for the last thirty minutes, his customary concentration shattered into a million pieces.

Garcia pushed her chair around to face him. He was still white and his eyes reminded her of some of the pictures she'd seen during her years in this job. He looked like a corpse and it was scaring the hell out of her. What if they didn't find JJ? What would that do to Reid? She decided not to pursue that line of thought.

"We'll find her, I know we will. Then you guys will have a little rug rat running around before you know it." She put a hand on his knee and smiled at him.

He didn't meet her eyes. "You don't know that Garcia. He wants the baby. If we don't find her in the next three hours, he'll disappear and I'll never see her again unless we find her body."

Garcia flinched at the bitter hopeless tone. She couldn't believe that he was saying these things. "Honey, I promise you -"

"**You can't promise me anything." **he shouted at her. **"These machines can't give anyone a guarantee of anything." **His chest was heaving and she saw him blink rapidly against the tears in his eyes**. "I know you mean well Garcia, but you can't promise me JJ will be okay." **

"I can't lose her Penelope." He put his face in his hands and his shoulders heaved with the sobs he finally let out.

Penelope stood and moved to his side. She put her arm around his thin shoulders. She didn't say anything to him for a very long time, till he stopped crying.

"I'm sorry sweetie, I didn't mean to upset you." She squeezed his shoulders and he looked up at her with his dark eyes that were now red and swollen.

"I'm sorry that I yelled at you Penelope, I don't know what to do. She could be hurt. She's depending on me and I'm just sitting here doing nothing.

"Baby cakes, don't think about her being hurt. You said the un-sub wants the baby, so he can't hurt her because that would hurt the baby, right?" She patted his arm and kept back her own tears by sheer force of will. God… she hoped she was right, that the rapist's desire to keep the baby would keep him form hurting or killing JJ.

"He's going to hurt her, he'll kill her after the baby is born if we don't find her. He doesn't want JJ, this isn't about her." Reid explained impatiently.

She opened her mouth to say something, anything, then her computers beeped. Finally the babies had something.

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JJ awoke again to darkness. The whole side of her face was on fire. The back of her head hurt where it had made contact with the concrete wall. She tried to sit up, but she was too dizzy to do anything but stay where she was and cry. How was she going to get out of there when she couldn't even move? Then her hands went to her belly. Was the baby okay? She felt a sudden and irrational anger at the baby. If it wasn't for the baby she wouldn't be here. She should have had an abortion.

Then she began to cry again, how could she think that way? Spencer was right, the baby was innocent. It wasn't at fault for this. Now if anything happened to the baby it would be her fault for wishing it away. She rubbed her hands over her abdomen.

"I'm sorry little one." she whispered. "I didn't mean what I was thinking."

The door to her cell was suddenly thrown open. The man was at her side and he hauled her to her feet. "Your lover is stupid. He should have found you by now." He pulled her out the door and down the hallway to another room; she stumbled along beside him and nearly fell. He pushed her down on a chair and yanked her arms behind her. She was tied to the chair and he moved away into the ever present shadows behind the small video camera on a tripod in front of her.

"We're going to make a little message for Dr. Reid, so smile for the camera."


	18. Chapter 18

_A/n I'm am so happy to receive so much feedback from you. Here is the next chapter, let me know what you think. Feedback is a gift._

_Disclaimer: I own only my own characters. No copyright infringement is intended. _

Hotch and Emily pulled into the parking lot at the DC Women's center and got out of the SUV. Terry Pendleton had worked as a lab assistant at the clinic. Even though it was a long shot, they wanted to talk to her co-workers and see if they could help with the investigation.

Hotch showed his badge to the African American woman at the reception desk. "Special Agent Hotchner of the Behavioral Analysis Unit at Quantico, we're investigating the assault on Terry Pendleton. What can you tell us about her?"

"Oh dear… I heard what happened on the news and I couldn't believe it. Terry was such a nice person and she didn't have an enemy in the world. I can't imagine who would want to hurt her." The plump woman shook her head, her wild head of curls reminded Hotch of Garcia and he had to force down a smile.

They spoke with the rest of the staff, including the counselors and the doctors. The Administrator, Dr Stanford Van Cott was out. His secretary explained that Dr. Van Cott only came in a few days a week.

"The poor man, he used to be a very good surgeon, and then he was involved in a car accident and paralyzed from the waist down. His face was scarred pretty badly. He was in a coma for months and they didn't think he'd live, but he did. He couldn't practice anymore, but he did get this position." Her voice lowered considerably. "I shouldn't be telling you this, but everyone says that he had to call in some big favors just to keep his license." The small blond woman said looking pleased to have a new person to gossip with.

After that, Hotch and Emily left the office to continue their interviews. Dr. Van Cott's secretary had promised to call him and tell him the FBI had questions for him.

The last person they spoke to was a lab tech, Janet Lindstrom. She was tall, black haired and thin with big blue eyes. Her skin was a creamy white and she was easily the most attractive woman in the clinic.

"Ms Lindstrom, I'm Agent Hotchner with the BAU…" He began, but she cut him off impatiently. "Yeah, yeah… I know who you are. Word travels fast around this place."

If Hotch was perturbed, he didn't show it. "Then you know why we're here."

"Yes I do. I know Terry Pendleton very well. We went to school together. I was two years ahead of her. She is a spoiled debutante that's used to getting her way. She only got this job because her Daddy pulled some strings. There were other candidates that had more experience and training."

Hotch's eyebrows went up and he glanced at Prentiss. "So you're saying that she didn't do her job."

"No… but she was more interested in flirting with the patients than working. Terry is notorious; I'll bet you were told she doesn't have a boyfriend. I'll also wager you were told she didn't have any enemies, that she was the sweetest person in the world." Janet said smugly.

"As a matter of fact, that's exactly what her roommate said." Emily stated.

"Terry's a lesbian; she hits on me all the time even though I'm engaged." Janet said with a grimace.

Hotch wasn't happy with the tone of the conversation so he decided to put a stop to it. "Ms Lindstrom, whatever her sexual preferences are, that hardly means she deserved what happened to her, no woman deserves to be raped."

Janet tossed back her long dark hair and glared at Hotch. "Whatever, all I'm saying is that it wouldn't surprise me if she pissed off the wrong guy? She had men after her all the time and she wasn't subtle about brushing them off"

"Is there anyone she might have annoyed recently?" Hotch asked his ears pricking up a bit.

"Do you have time for me to make you a list?" Janet demanded. "It'll take a very long time and I have to get back to work."

"Just give us the names of anyone you can remember in the last three months." Hotch told her. She huffed and sat down hard in the chair behind her desk. A few minutes later she handed Emily a list of several names.

"Are we done here?"

"Yes, thank you for your cooperation Ms. Lindstrom."

Hotch and Emily watched her flounce from the room before heading out to their vehicle "That was extremely unfruitful," Emily observed, as Hotch started the car and pulled out of the parking lot.

"Maybe we'll get lucky with those names."

"It's probably a wild goose chase." Emily muttered looking at the list. Hotch privately agreed with her, but he wasn't going to admit it. They had to do something, they had to find JJ. He wondered if Gideon and Morgan were having better luck.

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Morgan's phone rang and he put down the case file on Terry Pendleton. He'd been staring at it for an hour after returning to Quantico from JJ's home. All of the things he'd seen there had been like a knife to his gut. He'd noticed Reid's toiletries and his clothes in the closet. There were books there that could only belong to him and a man's robe was casually tossed over the chair in JJ's bedroom. He assumed it was Reid's.

It became painfully obvious to him in that moment, that his teammates were having more than just a fling. They were practically living together, and Morgan knew that Reid was desperately in love with JJ. He felt a momentary surge of anger toward JJ. She might not be aware of it, and he didn't think she was doing it on purpose, but it seemed to him that she was taking advantage of Reid's sweet nature.

His partner was ignorant of the ways of the fairer sex and he wouldn't see it if JJ were taking advantage of him. Obviously she'd convinced him to keep a huge secret. What else was going on that they were hiding? When they found her, he was going to have a talk with her about hurting his friend.

He yanked his mind away from these thoughts; there was no room for them now. JJ was his friend too, and no matter the reasons for her action's he had to help get her back alive.

When the phone call came in from the FBI's lab, his feet dropped from his desk and he sat up in his chair. There was only one DNA profile that had been found on the bed clothes. It came back to an internal control sample. It was Reid's, not a surprise to Morgan. No other DNA samples had been found. There was semen found in Terry Pendleton's rape kit. Unfortunately, there were no hits in CODIS so far.

The fact that this man didn't wear a condom when he raped, disturbed Morgan, it didn't appear that this un-sub was concerned about leaving evidence. That meant he might not care how close the FBI got to him. He might take JJ out and then kill himself before he'd let them take him alive. He didn't want to contemplate what that would do to his younger friend. Reid had lost so much already, it wasn't fair that this was happening to him now.

He picked up his phone to call Garcia and have her see if there were any other rapes that had DNA samples that matched to what they had found in Terry Pendleton.

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The monitor that was beeping on Garcia's desk had been running the search she was doing that would cross reference any phone calls in JJ's cell and land line records with the same records for Terry Pendleton. Garcia's phone beeped but she ignored it.

Garcia tapped some keys while Reid stood over her nervously tucking stray strands of hair behind one ear. She called up the records that had been found and informed him that they'd found a match.

"See this number," She pointed out for Reid and he leaned over her to get a better look at the monitor she was pointing at. "You told me that JJ had been getting calls to her cell phone and her land line for several weeks before the rape. It looks like Terry Pendleton was also called from the same number."

She tapped a few more keys and the screen changed to phone company records. "See this right here; it's the same number, here and here and here." She pointed to the matches. "The number is a disposable cell phone."

Reid dropped back into his chair, deflated. Of course, it couldn't be that simple. It was never that simple when the ones you loved were in trouble or hurt. He should have told the police or Hotch when this all happened, then JJ would be here with him. It was his fault if she were hurt or dead. Now he had to worry about the baby as well. How could he be so stupid to think this wouldn't come back to haunt him?

He was so deep in his own thoughts; he didn't hear Morgan come into the office. He didn't hear Morgan getting after Garcia for ignoring her phone. He didn't realize that the two of them were trying to get him to say something. Nothing mattered except for JJ and the loss of the only hope he had that they might actually find her.

"Hey sweetie… come on gorgeous, snap out of it. I have better news." Garcia was trying to tell him, but he didn't respond.

Morgan shook his shoulder and he finally looked up at both of them. "Geez… you had us scared man, we been trying to talk to you for five minutes now." Morgan said.

"Yeah baby cakes, I have good news." Garcia said.

"I got something to tell you as well." Morgan said looking less enthusiastic than Garcia.

"You want the good news or the bad news first," Garcia asked him.

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JJ could barely keep her head up as the man in the shadows filmed with the camera and a laptop computer that faced away from her. She tried to make out his face, but her eyes were blurred.

"There we go my love. Now smile for the camera, we want the good Doctor to know who he is seeing." She heard him tapping some keys on the computer.

"Good, this should bring your lover on the run."

She shivered hard and she wanted to scream at the camera, to tell Spence not to trace the feed, that it was a trap, but she couldn't do it. Her face hurt so badly and it wouldn't help anyway, Spencer would do what he had to do to save her, even if it was hopeless. She would try, even if the man hurt her.

"Please…" she mumbled faintly, thinking she was shouting. "Please… don't … hurt him…" Her head was spinning worse then ever and the room was spinning with it.

"I didn't mean… please don't … can't … please!"

Her eyes were closing again and then her head was jerked up again by the man. "I told you to look at the camera bitch." He slapped her hard. Her head flew back and she began to laugh crazily. "You're dead… he's gonna kill you…" She said with a dreadful smile. He hit her again this time with a closed fist to the side of her head; she plunged back in darkness that was her only escape.


	19. Chapter 19

_A/n hey everyone here is the next chapter. Thanks again to all my faithful readers and reviewers. All feedback is appreciated._

_Disclaimer: No copyright infringement is intended by this posting. Nothing is owned by me except the the plot and my own characters._

"Just tell me what you have, and stop beating around the bush!" Reid said in a flat voice. He kept checking his watch. It was one pm and only two minutes had passed since the last time he looked at it.

"Okay… bad news first." Morgan leaned up against Garcia's desk and began to tell Reid the results from Quantico's lab. "They found DNA on the bed clothes, not surprising the sample came back to you." The young man didn't even flinch or blush. His face remained the color of cottage cheese and he was sweating.

"The DNA from Terry Pendleton's case doesn't match anything so far, but they're still waiting on CODIS."

Reid met the eyes of his partner and saw the concern that was in their dark depths. "You can say it Derek, I'm a profiler too you know." A headache was beginning to creep up the back of his head.

"I'm concerned that this man doesn't care about leaving an evidence trail." Morgan began and was stopped by the younger man.

"You're concerned that he's irrational or that he feels invincible. You think that he'll kill JJ." Reid spoke for the older man in that same flat tone. His stomach was churning, and it was all he could do not to get sick again.

"I think he's obsessed with JJ and the baby. I'm sure he knows she's pregnant, which means he's been watching both of you for months."

Color returned to Reid's face, turning it crimson. His hands curled into fists and he was on his feet in a flash.

"**So this is my fault, is that what you're saying. I should have paid more attention and realized that he was watching us." **Reid shouted.

"Hey… calm down before you have stroke, that's not what I'm saying. This guy's very good. You know this isn't his first rape." Morgan tried to calm Reid, but the young man stood trembling before him, looking like he'd either deck Morgan or collapse.

"Okay… I think it's time for the good news." Garcia interrupted. "There's one number in Terry's phone records that is an extension at the DC women's center. The same number appears on JJ's phone records before the rape."

Reid's ears perked up at this news. He looked over at the computer screen with the faintest glimmer of hope in his heart.

Morgan pulled out his phone to call Hotch. Maybe he could catch the boss man before they left the clinic.

"It makes sense now," Reid was saying as he stared at the screen as though his life depended on it.

"What makes sense?" Garcia asked, her eyes moved between Morgan and Reid as they looked at each other. Sometimes being a tech instead of a profiler made her feel like a poor kid a Christmas that couldn't afford the nice toys in the store window.

"Are you guys going to tell me what you're thinking or do I have to hurt one of you." She demanded.

"The un-sub knew JJ was pregnant. She considered an abortion at first and went there several times before backing out completely. He must have seen her there at least once."

"Maybe he's one of the doctors, or one of the counselors, or maintenance staff." Morgan was thinking out loud while he continued to lean against Penelope's desk. Reid had taken his seat again and he was making notes with the pen and notepad he always carried.

"We need to check and see if there is some connection between the victims and the DC Women's Center." Morgan said, then he kicked himself, JJ was more than a victim to all of them.

Reid's phone beeped and he opened it. His gasp of horror made Garcia jump in her chair. "Reid… hey man… what's going on?" Morgan asked, the young man's face had gone white as paper again and he was staring at the phone as if his life depended on it.

"Reid… what the hell is going on." Morgan asked again. He moved to look over Reid's shoulder and his sharp intake of breath made Penelope try to look at the phone as well.

Reid had just received a series of pictures to his phone. It was JJ, her face black and blue again. The pictures were of quality that spoke of top rate video or photographic equipment. Reid could see more than he ever wanted to see. JJ's nose was bleeding and one eye was swollen shut.

There was a text message that gave an address in Washington DC. He was to come alone or JJ would be killed. He had three hours to comply.

Reid began to stand and Morgan said. "You're not going alone Reid." He laid a hand on the younger man's shoulder and held him there in an iron grip.

"**Let me go!" **Reid roared trying to twist out of the older agent's grip.

"No… I'm not letting you go alone. Hotch would kill me and you won't help JJ by busting in there alone. He wants you there and that means he wants to eliminate the competition."

"I don't care! If she dies… then I die… don't you get that!" Reid explained in such a matter of fact tone that Morgan was chilled to the bone.

"I know you love her, but -"

"**How dare you say that, you don't know anything about me. You never bothered to care about my feelings." **He was shouting, but he didn't care anymore.

"I care about you an JJ. Let us help you." He put a hand back on Reid's shoulder, without squeezing it. He felt his friends thin shoulders slump.

"Get out of my way and let me do what I have to do." Reid declared.

"No… we're going to call Hotch and he'll get back to the women's center. You are not leaving here alone."

"Alright… but I have to do something," Reid agreed, what else could he do. Morgan would stop him if her tried to leave. He sagged back in his chair, but his headache was suddenly and inexplicably gone.

"Look at the pictures; we need to know if there is anything they can tell us that will help JJ. In the meantime I'll let Gideon know and if he says we go, then we go with a team and take him clean."

Morgan left the office to try and find Hotch and to talk to Gideon. "Come on baby cakes; give me your phone, and let's get those pictures downloaded to my babies. I can get them working on enhancing the photos for you."

"We only have three hours; I shouldn't have let Morgan talk me into staying." Reid was on his feet again, pacing the office, back and forth, and up and down.

"She's going to be okay sweet pea. If I were the one that was kidnapped, I'd want this team to save me. You guys are the best in this job."

"But -"

"Come on Reid… who's the best computer tech this side of the civilized world." She grinned when he finally smiled and pointed at her.

"That's right, and didn't your mother teach you not to point." She criticized.

"Yeah, but I didn't pay attention." Reid deadpanned.

"Okay, you've been around me too long. Let's just get back to work on those pictures." She said after smacking him lightly on the shoulder.

"How do you stay so cheerful, I know she's your friend too?" Reid wondered out loud.

"I have to be happy; you're gloomy enough for everyone." She shot back her hands flying over the computer keyboard.

"Seriously Garcia… I want to know."

"It's just the way I am, I have to be happy or this," she said gesturing to the screen where JJ sat bruised and bloody, "would really get to me."

Reid felt the tears he'd been holding back well up in his eyes. He was going to bite them back, and then Garcia opened her arms and wrapped him up in a bear hug that undid him completely.

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Hotch answered the phone as he and Emily entered the reception area at Quantico. "Agent Hotchner," He spoke into the phone. Emily flew past him as he stopped dead in his tracks. "What…. No we spoke to everyone but a Dr. Stanford Van Cott. Yes… Is he still here? Yes… keep an eye on him Morgan; we can't have him taking off alone. Yes… you and Gideon take care of it; we're going back to the women's center."

He shut his phone and turned to where Emily was waiting for him at the elevator. She was looking at him intently and he motioned for her to meet him at the door.

"That was Morgan. Reid received some pictures of JJ on his phone. She's in pretty bad shape. He also said that the connection is at the women's center. We need to get back over there and tear that place apart. Call Garcia and see if you can get an address for Dr. Van Cott. We need to talk to him." He opened the glass door and held it open for her to pass through.

"You're thinking the doctor has something to do with this, I thought he was paralyzed." Emily asked as they re-crossed the parking lot to the SUV.

The wind was picking up and she pulled her coat closer to her body. The sky was becoming overcast with gray and pewter colored clouds. They entered the vehicle and when Hotch started the car, the radio declared that there would be snow again before commute time.

"Dr. Van Cott isn't the un-sub, but I'll bet he knows who it is." Hotch replied as he pulled out of the parking lot and onto the street. He explained the connection of the victims to the women's center, and what Reid had told Morgan about JJ trying to work up the courage to have an abortion, before deciding to have the baby.

"So this guy was watching her after the rape." Emily asked intrigued and surprised. "Isn't that odd behavior for a rapist?"

"Yeah, but JJ is an FBI agent and a liaison for the media and the BAU. Maybe he wasn't sure that his hold over her was complete. He wanted to make sure she didn't tell me or go to the police. Now he knows she's pregnant and for some reason he wants the child." Hotch said.

"He'll kill her won't he," Emily said bluntly. She found that idea scared her more than she'd ever been scared before. She liked JJ. She wanted the chance to be better friends with her. She also liked Reid despite that fact that they got off on the wrong foot. She couldn't imagine what he was going through.

Hotch was silent for the rest of the drive. The team and SWAT should be on their way to the address right now. He found that he wanted to be with them. He wanted to be there to help JJ, not just hear about it after the fact. He just hoped that Gideon would keep Reid out of it.

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I've never felt such elation. The nerdy doctor Reid will come to rescue the lovely Jennifer Jareau, and then I'll kill him and play in his blood. He will pay for assuming that he could take my place in the life of my son.

When I first knew that she was carrying my child, I thought it was a sign from God. I would take her and she would be the mother my son needs. Then she went to the clinic and I realized that she was just like all the other whores and bitches that entered that unhallowed place to destroy precious human life.

I thought that she was better than that, but she isn't; now I know that I was right to punish her in the first place. Now she will die when she has served her purpose and born my son.

I have to go see to her bruises and cuts. It wouldn't do for them to get infected. She has to remain healthy till the baby is born.

I am surprised to see that her mind seems to be breaking sooner than I had thought. She is an interesting subject. I wonder what seeing Dr. Reid die right before her eyes will do. Will she go completely insane? Perhaps I should kill him elsewhere; I can't allow my son to be contaminated by mental illness. What to do?

It's time to see to her wounds. Soon it will be over and I will win, not even the mighty BAU can stop me now.


	20. Chapter 20

_A/n hey guys thanks so much for your kind reviews and feedback. Here is the next chapter._

_Disclaimer: I own the plot and the characters made up from my own imagination and that is all people. No copyright infringement is intended by this post._

Hotch and Emily arrived at the front entrance of the DC Women's Center. They exited the vehicle just as it began to snow. Hotch pulled his coat around him and belted it as they moved through the lazily falling flakes.

There were two SUVs that pulled up behind them with another team of agents. When they streamed into the clinic, Hotch called for the office personnel to stop what they were doing. He approached the same receptionist he'd spoken to earlier in the day.

Emily pulled her phone off of her belt when it rang. "Prentiss," she said distractedly.

"I've got the address you wanted." Garcia said without her usual playfulness. In fact she sounded decidedly upset and excited.

"It's the same address that Reid, Morgan and Gideon are headed to."

"Thanks Garcia."

"Wait… I have more information for you. Doctor Van Cott was in an accident. His car went off the road during a winter storm last year. He was paralyzed. Guess who was with him in the car?"

"I don't have time for guessing games Garcia." Emily said as she found a corner out of the way from the activity around her.

"Alright, don't get nervous. His son was in the car. He suffered a neck injury that almost killed him. His voice box was damaged and his face was disfigured. The police determined that the car slid out on some ice and hit a tree. Dr. Van Cott's wife died when his son was ten. I'm looking at a picture of her and she looks just like JJ, it's spooky."

"Anything else Penelope," Emily asked as a chill began to work it way down her spine, raising the hair on the back of her head and making her shiver as the cold and snow couldn't do.

"No… that's all I got. Just go get JJ, make sure she and the baby are safe for my poor sweetie." Garcia demanded.

"Call Morgan and let him know what you told me." Emily told her, and then she shut her phone and hurried over to where Hotch was grilling a staff member.

"… I need to speak to Dr. Van Cott. I need his address and his phone number." Hotch said angrily.

"I told you I don't know. The doctor is a very private person he -"

"Hotch…" Emily interrupted, and Hotch swung around to face her leaving the receptionist almost in tears as he turned away.

"I just got off the phone with Garcia and she has the address of Dr. Van Cott. It's the same one that Reid got from the unsub." Emily informed him. She watched his face go blank, and then he turned back angrily to the receptionist.

"If my agents are hurt, you're going to have some hard questions to answer." He told the terrified clinic worker. She opened her mouth and then closed it with a snap at the look on Hotch's face.

Hotch motioned to another agent and told him what they had found out. The other agents continued to go through the clinics records and to question the employees.

Hotch and Emily ran back to their truck which was already covered in a thin blanket of snow. The white flakes were getting smaller and beginning to stick to the road. It was a little after one pm, but the sun wasn't visible in the sky. The clouds were white now and cars were already crawling along the interstate.

"Do Morgan and Gideon know what you told me?" Hotch asked after Emily finished briefing him on Garcia's call?

"I told her to call him, though I am sure it was unnecessary to tell her that." Emily said with a small smirk. She had to laugh, to think of something funny. She couldn't bear to think of JJ and Reid getting hurt. She wanted the chance to be more of a friend to both of them.

"You okay Prentiss." Hotch asked her, looking as though she was ignoring something he said.

"Ah… yes sir I was just thinking about JJ. She had to have gone through a terrible ordeal and yet she and Reid have something so special."

Hotch was staring at the road when he answered her as if her were trying to maintain distance from the happenings on the team.

"I know. At first I didn't like seeing them together. I thought it would distract them, but she makes him happy and he does the same for her. I'm only concerned that the rape and the fact that he's willing to be the father of that child will do to Reid in the long run." Hotch confessed as his speed dropped in the increasing snowfall.

"They'll be okay," Emily said with complete confidence.

Hotch flicked a glance over to her. "I hope so. I also hope this snow doesn't stop us. We need to hurry."

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Gideon and Morgan met the team of agents that were accompanying them to the address Reid had received with the pictures of JJ. Morgan was just finishing instructing the agents on the plan to enter the house when Reid came into the room.

"I'm not going to stay here. He wants me there. If you go without me he'll kill JJ."

"I'm not letting you get anywhere near this guy. He wants to kill you Reid; it's why he took her in the first place. He sees you as a threat to his child." Morgan had stood and blocked Reid's exit.

"Gideon please let me go with you. I can go in there and talk to him." Reid pleaded. His eyes were dead and his face had taken on the look of a man years older than he was.

"Get a vest on then." Gideon said with remarkable calmness.

"What… no Gideon. He is not going with us, he'll get -"

"Morgan… we need him and you know it. Stop treating him like a child. He's a member of this team and deserves to be treated as such. Besides, he's right. The u-sub wants him there; he may be the only one that can end this without getting anyone killed."

Reid pickup a vest and strapped it on while Morgan only watched him and didn't say anything. They trooped out to the Agency SUV's and were soon on the road. Reid sat in the back next to Morgan while Gideon drove.

Reid wanted to be the one to drive. He wanted to push the vehicle so hard that the truck would fly and he wouldn't have to wait so long to get to his JJ. Then he thought that they were going too fast. He had no idea what to do or say to make this un-sub give up on JJ and the baby. The man had to know that he wouldn't come alone. What was he up to?

"Hey man… we're going to get her back. Just remember what we talked about. He wants to talk to you. You're going to have to play into his fantasies and -"

"I know Morgan. I have done this before; I know what I have to do." Reid said in a flat voice. His hands were shaking so hard he wanted to sit on them to keep Morgan from seeing how scared he was.

Morgan frowned as he looked at the white face of his partner and his trembling hands. The young man was barely hanging on by his fingernails. His face was so pale he resembled some of the corpses Morgan had seen on the job. A deep chill of premonition swept through him, making sweat pop out on his forehead. What if his friend was going to his death? What if they lost JJ too? How would the team cope with losses like that?

It was bad enough when Tobias hurt both of them the year before, how much more could either one of them take. He sighed and tore his gaze away. He couldn't think that way. Reid was good, if anyone could get JJ out alive, it was Dr. Spencer Reid, but would he get himself out alive or would he sacrifice himself for the woman he loved.

He looked out the window of the SUV and saw that it was beginning to snow. There were large flakes spiraling through the air. The clouds were slate and the whiteness of the snow was stark against the winter sky. He heard the windshield wipers begin to swipe back and forth on the windshield.

Then his phone rang. He looked at it and saw that Garcia was calling him. God he hoped that she had good news for him, he didn't know how much more bad news Reid could take right now.

"Hey baby girl what have you got for me?"

She told him everything that she'd relayed to Hotch, and he told Reid and Gideon the same information, watching Reid go even whiter at what he had to tell them. The name of the doctor's son was Michael Van Cott.

"So Michael is raping women that look like his mother. Was he abused by her?" Reid said ignoring the concerned looks he was getting from Morgan. "It couldn't be the father, he's in a wheelchair.

"I think there is a good chance he tried to kill his father. Maybe she was abusive and the father was the weak one in their relationship, and Michael feels betrayed by him for his lack of protection." Gideon said glancing in the rearview mirror.

Reid only stared into the snow falling outside the window. They were only five miles from their destination according to the city map he had memorized. The traffic was piling up though and he could feel the truck slowing down when he wanted them to rocket down the road.

_Hold on baby, we'll be there soon, I promise you._

If only she could hear him or feel how much he loved her. Once more in the long morning, a tear escaped one eye and rolled down his cheek.

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JJ sat on the bed in the dark little room. The light was very weak, but JJ wasn't watching the movement of the light. She saw only the pictures in her head, the first time she saw Reid and how nerdy she'd thought he was. The Redskins game they went to. All the times on the plane they'd played poker, or the times she just sat next to him absorbing the calm that exuded from him. Then Tobias had taken that calm assurance from him, and all she felt was how uncomfortable he was in his own skin.

She went over their trips to Starbucks together, the days he'd spent helping her get through the rape. The first time he'd made love to her. She couldn't hear anything outside of her own thoughts, or see anything but his face in her mind. He was talking to her about all the things they would do together once she was free of the psychopath that held her.

She didn't feel the pain of her wounds, or smell the musty smells of the basement. She didn't realize that she was rocking back and forth to a rhythm in her head that only she could hear. Now Reid had her in his arms and he was dancing with her. The swayed to the music and the golden lights above her reflected in his beautiful eyes.

"Hold on baby, we'll be there soon, I promise…" He said to her and he smiled that wonderful smile before disappearing before her eyes. She screamed and screamed while the man watched and laughed.

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I've won. The geek is on his way. I am the Pied Piper and he is the child that will dance to my tune before I put an end to his miserable existence. Then his whore will give me my son, and I will kill her too. In a way it's very romantic. Romeo and Juliet will be together again for all time.


	21. Chapter 21

_A/n my thanks to all who've been kind enough to review and provide feedback or add this story to your alerts. _

_Disclaimer: I don't own them people, no copyright infringement is intended._

The SUV pushed through the snow as fast as Gideon dared to drive it. It wouldn't help JJ for them to have an accident. The other part of his mind was telling him that it didn't matter anyway. He should have listened to his instincts when they told him something was going on with the young agent months ago. He should have confronted her then.

The SUV slid sideways just a bit when he stepped on the brakes for a red light. He was yanked out of his thoughts by the sharp sensation on adrenaline in his belly. He berated himself for losing concentration. The snow was getting thicker and the roads more treacherous. The sky was entirely white now as the snowflakes got smaller and smaller.

When the light changed to green, he gingerly stepped on the gas pedal and the truck started forward with a bit of a lurch. The tires bit into the snow and the headlights stabbed into the whiteness showing the slow moving car in front of them. His heart refused to slow down. It was his fault this was happening, he should have confronted JJ, or Reid, and forced the truth out of them.

He noticed that they were getting closer to their destination, just one more right turn and they would be there. He slowed for the turn and rounded the corner with a slight slide. He regained control and halfway down the street they found the home of Dr. Van Cott.

He slowed to a stop, his hands sweating and stuck to the wheel. He hated driving in the snow. The other two vehicles carrying other agents and SWAT pulled up behind him. The SWAT team was dressed in white, and they quickly blended into the snow as they took up positions around the house.

Reid had leapt from the truck and Morgan had to hold him back from running straight into the house. "No… we have to check for booby traps." Morgan was saying.

"He hasn't bobby trapped the house. He wants me to go in." Reid protested fighting the larger man.

The house was a large two story affair painted white so that it was beginning to blend into the background. There were several large windows on each floor that were shuttered tight. The shutters were dark blue. A driveway led around to the back of the house, and the garage and it was already full of snow.

How was it possible for Michael Van Cott to bring JJ here without arousing suspicion? The homes were large and widely spaced, but surely someone should have seen him with her. Gideon shivered and not just from the cold.

"I think were going to find that Dr. Van Cott is dead." Gideon said. The team was informed by the SWAT leader that the doors and windows were clear of explosives.

"That doesn't mean its safe," Morgan declared once more holding Reid back. They were covered with snow and Gideon saw the Reid was trembling.

"Let him go Morgan." Gideon said resignedly.

"But -"

"Michael Van Cott wants him."

Reid stepped forward into the show filled driveway. Gideon put a hand on his shoulder. "Just do what you have to do to end this." He looked the younger man in the eye and Reid nodded. He was going to end it alright. Van Cott didn't know it but he was a dead man.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hotch and Emily swung off the off-ramp just as the snow abruptly began to fall harder. The snowflakes were so tiny they resembled ice crystals. Emily shivered just thinking about going back out into this near white out conditions.

The SUV followed along behind a plow, and Emily relaxed the death grip she had on the armrest of the door.

"Afraid of snow storms Prentiss," Hotch asked without taking his eyes off the road.

"I don't mind snow sir, but driving in a storm like this gives me the willies. Not everyone is as careful behind the wheel as you are." Emily observed.

Hotch actually smiled at this. "Well… I'll let you in on a little secret. I hate driving in the snow. Haley loves it, she claims it sharpens the reflexes, but in our line of work we don't need the stress.

Emily smiled back at him. "I agree with you sir." Then she frowned. "Are we going to make it," she asked him, her eyes pleading with him to lie to her if he had to.

"I don't know. The time limit is almost up." Emily's phone rang and she pulled it off her belt. "Prentiss…Hey Morgan… Yeah… were about a mile away. I'll tell him… Okay see you there.

She hung up the phone the turned to Hotch just as the plow turned right. They continued moving straight ahead to the next intersection. Hotch pulled up to the left hand turn lane and waited at the red light.

"That was Morgan. They're at the house and Reid is going in. They're following quietly." Emily explained.

"Good I don't want him going in alone…" Hotch began a slow left hand turn and out of the white sheets of snow a car careened toward them.

Emily screamed and there was a sickening crunch of metal as the small car hit the passenger side of the car just behind Emily's seat. The SUV was pushed half way around on the snow and ice covered road. Emily's head connected with the passenger side window, cracking the glass. She fell into unconsciousness without hearing the airbags deploy. The SUV continued in a circle until it faced the wrong way. It came to rest next to the traffic barrier, and cars skidded to a halt around them in a chorus of shrieking horns and screaming brakes.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reid entered the house easily. The front door wasn't locked. "Well… I guess that's an obvious invitation." He said, to himself.

His heart was hammering and his stomach was so queasy he thought he might lose what was left of the wonderful breakfast he'd had with JJ just four hours before. His hands were beginning to sweat and he wiped them on his pants. He unzipped the coat he wore and shucked it off. It didn't matter and it would only slow him down when he needed his gun.

He stepped quietly into the foyer and watched as the agents and SWAT swarmed through the house in total silence. He waited on pins and needles as they searched the house, but Reid was already sure he knew where JJ was. He'd noticed it in the pictures the sick bastard had sent to him. There was a water heater in the background of a room made from cinder block. It had to be the basement. It was always the basement, un-subs loved basements. He thought maybe this un-sub might be more original than the average psycho. He found black laughter wanted to well up in his throat and he fought against letting it out. Instead he giggled, and it sounded sharp and cutting against his ears.

He moved to the kitchen and found the door to the basement without informing Gideon or Morgan. He wiped his sweating hands on his pants again and reached out to the door. He opened it without stopping to consider that if might be booby trapped. He didn't care anymore; the only thing that was important was JJ and the baby. He couldn't let them become a statistic and what did life matter if they died. He would rather be dead than live without JJ.

He swallowed hard and took one step down the stairs. The light was on and it revealed ten wooden steps to the bottom. He trailed one hand down the wall as he walked slowly down the stairs. He wanted to run down and burst in on this man but he didn't dare. He looked down and realized he'd taken four steps down. He kept his eyes on the stairs and began to count the remaining stairs as he moved down them. His legs where trembling by the time he stepped off the last riser. The bile in his throat refused to go away and he swallowed past it as best he could.

The hallway was also lit as though he was being led. He thought for one fleeting moment that maybe coming in here alone was a bad idea. The hallway was short and the door in front of him was painted red and standing open. He realized his gun was still in his holster and he fumbled it out, nearly dropping it. The trembling in his hands wouldn't stop. Was he going to be able to shoot the gun if he had to? He hoped so, he hoped this man gave him a reason to pull the trigger, his whole body shook with the need to hurt this man as badly as he'd hurt JJ.

The door was right in front of him and he went in fast. At one end of the room JJ sat on a cot. A tall man with black hair and dark eyes stood next to her with a large hunting knife at her throat. His face and neck were a mass of scars. He was as muscular as Morgan and he grinned at Reid.

"Dr. Reid… how nice of you to join us," He said running his free hand through JJ's hair. She didn't move or flinch. Her face looked even worse in person.

"JJ… you okay?" She didn't respond to his voice. She only stared at the floor. She was as silent as a statue.

"Oh …I'm afraid that the lovely Jennifer won't be joining our conversation. Isn't that right my beauty?" His hand continued to stroke her hair. She didn't move or try to speak, even though she wasn't bound or gagged.

"W-what have you d-done to her." Reid shouted, not caring if the whole world heard him.

"Forget about her, I have business with you Dr. Reid. I want to know why you think you can raise my son." He tangled his hand in JJ hair and yanked her head back.

The knife scratched just a bit, and a tiny bead of blood welled up and ran down to her collar bone. She didn't make a sound, but a single tear fell from her left eye and rolled slowly down her face.

"Stop it…" Reid yelled.

"I don't think so. You see I made a promise to Jennifer that we would always be together. You're in the way of that." Michael Van Cott said.

"You make me sick…" Reid countered. "You have an abusive relationship with your mother and you think that makes it okay for you to hurt others."

"What would you know about it? You have no idea what that bitch did to me from the time I was a baby. I never did anything right. She told me terrible things and she beat me. Do you know what that's like?" Michael shot back, his hands beginning to shake a little.

Reid laughed hollowly. "This isn't about me; you pick women to rape that look just like your mother. You're punishing them. What I can't figure out is why you haven't killed any of them."

Van Cott laughed. "I don't need to kill them. It's a better punishment to leave them alive, don't you think. Why don't you ask Jennifer how she's suffered? Oh that's right you don't have to ask her, you've been watching it all this time."

Reid refused to be sidetracked. He flicked his eyes to JJ and saw that she was still silent and unmoving. Her refusal to fight was scaring him badly. What had this man done to her?

"No… I think the reason you haven't killed them is because they don't see you. You blindfold them so they can't see your scarred face. You don't want them to be repulsed by your face. If they can't see you, then the fantasy can't be complete can it. You'd want them to look in your eyes as they died, wouldn't you."

"SHUT UP!" Van Cott roared.

"Your father did nothing to help you when you were a child. He let your mother hit you and belittled you for years." Reid said as calmly as he could, keeping his gun on the man even though his arms was beginning to ache.

"He was weak and spineless, so I decided to kill him when the opportunity was right. The snow storm was perfect. The car slid and I grabbed the wheel. He tried to fight me, but then the car crashed."

"It didn't make any difference though did it; you still had to punish your mother. You had to show her from the grave that she couldn't hurt or control you. You failed though, your weak -"

"SHUT UP! He shouted again. He yanked on JJ's hair again and the knife cut her again. He watched more blood run down her neck.

"You won't kill her, because your baby will die too and I know you don't want that." Reid said.

The man roared and let go of JJ. He pushed her to one side and charged at Reid. The young agent pulled the trigger.


	22. Chapter 22

_A/n thanks so much to all the wonderful people that review on a regular basis and to the new reviewers. I love hearing what you think. _

_Disclaimer: Still don't own them or the song lyrics in the chapter. No copyright infringement is intended._

"You won't kill her, because your baby will die too and I know you don't want that." Reid said

The man pushed JJ to one side and charged at Reid with a roar of rage. The young agent pulled the trigger.

The blast of the gun was deafening in the small room. Michael Van Cott flew back, and onto the concrete floor with a bullet in his head. Reid dropped his gun on the floor as footsteps rushed down the stairs behind him. Morgan entered first with his gun drawn.

"You ok man?" He asked his eyes darting to the dead man on the floor and then to Reid's gun. He approached the rapist and took the knife from his hand.

Reid ran to the cot and pulled JJ into his arms. The blood on her throat terrified him. He looked her over carefully, but the cuts were very shallow, no more than scrapes on her delicate skin.

"JJ… it's okay. He's dead baby."

Her head lolled back and her eyes were completely unfocused. The only sign that she was alive was the sigh of her breathing and the pulse he felt at her neck. Her hair hung almost to the top of the cot they sat on. One of her eyes was black and beginning to swell. One side of her face was black and an angry red. The other side was scratched and cut.

"Is she okay?" Morgan said, moving to the other side of JJ, and staring down in horror at the violence Michael had visited on her.

"No! Does she look okay to you?" Reid snarled as one hand stroked her hair.

"Come on JJ… wake up." She didn't respond.

"**Where's the medic she needs help," **he roared at Gideon who'd just entered the room.

"There's a huge traffic jam caused by an accident a half mile down the road. The medics are trying to get through, but for now they're stuck in the middle of it." Gideon replied calmly.

Reid hands were shaking so hard, he thought they might rattle to pieces off the end of his wrists. His eyes were dry as paper and burning. He had no more tears left to cry.

"JJ… will you please look at me. Talk to me! Yell at me! Please just make some sound." Her eyes stayed calmly unfocused and her body was limp in his arms.

He pleaded mutely with Gideon, who joined Morgan next to the young couple. "I don't know what's wrong with her. She won't say anything, or move, or respond at all." Reid explained in a trembling voice.

Reid sat back against the wall and pulled JJ into his lap. His arms wrapped tightly around her. Gideon had knelt in front of her and was trying to talk to her in a low soothing tone. She only stared into infinity, her eyes seeing nothing. Gideon waved a hand in front of her eyes, but she didn't flinch.

"What's wrong with her?" Morgan asked in a low voice.

"I don't know. Reid keep talking to her… maybe you can get through to her." Gideon got to his feet and motioned Morgan out of the room.

"I don't like this." He told the younger man. "She appears to be in deep shock or catatonic. I don't know."

"Is she going to be alright?" Morgan asked his eye narrowing. He turned to look through the door at the dead man on the ground. He wished he could bring the man back to life and kill him again.

"I don't know… I hope the medics get here soon she needs medical attention." Gideon said his eyes still fixed on the young couple in the next room.

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A siren cut through the snow filled air, and its sound took on an impatient wailing as it tried to get around the traffic that was at a standstill

"I don't think we're getting through anytime soon." the blond man in the driver's seat said to his dark haired partner. They heard another siren and a police car passed slowly on the snow clogged shoulder.

"There are the first responders, it's about time. Maybe they can get traffic out of our way." The dark haired man said.

It was another ten minutes before they were through. The small car that had hit the SUV had only dead occupants. The SUV held two people, a dark haired woman in the passenger side who was unconscious and a dark haired man, who was sitting behind the wheel holding his head with one hand.

"At least no one is critical in the SUV," the blond man said to his partner as they got out of the ambulance and headed toward the wreck.

The car had smashed the passenger side of the SUV. The hood of the car was crumpled almost to the windshield. The SUV was dented in along the passenger side behind the dark haired woman. The medics had to wait for the fireman to pry open the door. They had arrived just as the police were clearing traffic. It looked like the snow was easing up a bit, but not much.

They examined the dark haired woman and got her name from the dark haired man. Apparently they were FBI agents, and the woman's name was Emily Prentiss.

"Ms. Prentiss can you hear me?" The dark haired man asked

Agent Prentiss moaned, and her eyes fluttered open. Then they closed again, "Ms Prentiss… stay with me."

Her eyes opened again. "What happened," she asked groggily.

"You were in a car accident, but you're going to be okay."

"Hotch…" she said faintly.

"What…"

"My boss…" she slurred.

"The man with the sour face… is that who you mean?" The blond man asked as they wheeled her to the back of the ambulance.

"Yeah…"

"He has a broken arm and a bump on the head, but he'll be okay and back to telling you what to do in no time."

"Kay…"

The men loaded her in and Hotch got into the back with her. "Prentiss, you okay." Hotch said through clenched teeth, his face white with pain.

"Yeah… I'm great… ready to dance."

Hotch smiled and the blond haired medic said, "I don't think the concussion is too bad." He wrapped a blood pressure cuff around Emily's arm and grinned at Hotch.

"Well have you two in a warm hospital in no time." He told them as the vehicle began to move slowly forward.

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'JJ… you have to wake up. We're going to be leaving here soon." Reid said into JJ's ear. She didn't move, but he could feel the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed.

What was he going to do if she never came back to him? What if she stayed this way forever?" "JJ… we're going to have a baby remember. You gotta get better because you're going to be a mama. I know she's going to look just like you. She'll have your blue eyes and your golden hair. She'll be an ass kicker, just like you."

He rocked her back and forth in his arms. Her body was warm, but her personality and her smile were gone. She resembled a hallowed out shell.

"It's snowing outside. You have to wake up so that you can watch it with me, just like we did the other day. Do you remember? We got snowed in that day, and we had the day off so you decided that you needed me to beat you at poker again. That was the best afternoon I've had in a long time, just you and me and some music on the radio. You made hot chocolate with those little marshmallows melting on top."

He looked back down at her and she was still limp in his arms, breathing, but not acknowledging him in anyway.

"Okay you're forcing me to bring out the big guns. You'll be sorry." He began to sing in a passable tenor voice.

_Jenny who can I turn to,  
you give something that I can hold on to,  
I know you think that I'm like the others before,  
I saw your name and number on the wall._

_Jenny I've got your number,  
I'm gonna make you mine,  
Jenny don't change your number: 8675309_

_Jenny Jenny you're the girl for me,  
you don't know me but you make me so happy,  
I tried to call you before but I lost my nerve,  
I tried my imagination but I was disturbed_

_I got it, I got it, I've got your number on the wall  
I got it, I got it, for a good time, good a good time call._

"Hey man, why are you singing that song." Morgan said with an amused grin.

"JJ hates that song. So I thought maybe if I sang it, she would get mad enough to wake up and let me have it. I wish she would. At least if she were yelling at me, I'd know she was okay." Reid said miserably.

"She's going to be okay." Morgan said clasping Reid on the shoulder, and looking down at JJ with pain filled eyes.

"You don't know that Morgan. What if she stays this way forever? He hurt her so badly, and who knows what he told her, or did to her while she was here."

"She'll come around and she'll tell you herself." Morgan reassured him, trying to keep the doubts out of his own heart.

"But you gotta stop with the singing or she will deck you. I didn't know you could sing." Morgan said.

Reid tightened his grip around JJ and gave Morgan a small smile. "It's not Karaoke worthy, that's for sure."

"Just keep talking to her. She will hear you. She loves you very much." He turned to leave the room again, and then he stopped and turned back to Reid.

"By the way I lost the pool on you guys. I lost out to Hotch, can you believe it. She has to wake up just to hear that." Morgan said.

Reid laughed bitterly. Of course Hotch would win any bets made about them; he knew everything, well… almost everything. Reid wished now that Hotch had guessed what was happening to JJ. He wished they hadn't been able to hide it from him. He wished his boss had confronted them about it, maybe then they wouldn't be in this mess.

He continued to stroke his hand through her hair, and talk to her about anything he could think of, their old cases, the baby, and the house they wanted to buy.

There was a sudden commotion in the hallway, and Gideon entered followed closely by the paramedics.

"Hotch just called. He and Emily were in the car accident that caused the traffic jam. They're both okay, but they're in the hospital."

He watched the medics convince Reid that he had to let go of JJ so they could evaluate her. They put her on the stretcher and Reid left the room with them.

Outside it was cold and the snow had finally stopped. Morgan looked at his watch and saw that it was five pm. They were all ending up in the hospital again. He got in the SUV with Gideon and they followed the ambulance to Georgetown University Hospital.

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She was trapped in a dark place. Her arms and legs were tied to something she couldn't see. Her voice didn't work, even though she was trying to cry out.

"Spence… can you hear me? Are you out there?" She thought she was yelling this, but no sound escaped her lips.

A hand came down gently on her sore cheek and stroked it. "Spence…is that you. It's so dark. I can't see you. Please turn on the lights so I can see you!"

A low laugh erupted and she gasped and tried to scream. It was his voice. "You're mine dear Jennifer… always and forever. I'll always be a part of you. You'll never escape me." He laughed again, and the rough voice changed to a high, and jarring sound like the sound of a hundred bells clanging at the same time. She screamed, and screamed, and again it was only in her head.


	23. Chapter 23

The emergency room at George Washington was overflowing with weeping children and wailing babies. There were injured adults and family members that were unhurt crowding the waiting area. Gideon had tried to get information of Hotch, Emily and JJ. The nurse refused to give information to the senior agent.

"I'm sorry Agent. I can't give you any information on your colleague. We've contacted his emergency contact and the contact for Agent Prentiss. Until they arrive, you'll have to wait. I'm very sorry!" She said. She looked extremely harried and one long lock of black hair fell over her face. She pushed it back impatiently and left Gideon to deal with a man who came stumbling into the ER with a large gash on his forehead.

Gideon headed over to one corner of the waiting room where Reid was pacing up and down. He tripped over a child's toy and the small girl began to wail. Her mother who'd been sitting staring into space. The scream of her child and Reid's spluttering apologies yanked her back to the present and she glared up at the agent.

"I'm sorry ma'am." He said and backed away from the child who was sniffling at his feet. He took another step back and bumped into a large black man holding a bandage over his arm. Gideon saw the moan round on Reid and he stepped up to pull his young agent away before something happened. Tempers were snapping and people were overwhelming the front desk, demanding news on loved ones or trying to get help for themselves or their children.

"Reid, I know that JJ recently changed her emergency contact. It's you," He said eyeing the shock on the younger mans face.

"I didn't know." Reid said and Gideon watching his face begin to twist and crumple. His Adam's apple bobbed up and down as though he'd eaten something that was about to come up on him. Then his face cleared, though it remained white as paper.

"Reid, go find out how she is." Gideon placed a hand on his shoulder and steered him toward the desk. Reid walked away looking lost and about twelve years old.

Gideon wondered if he would break under the strain. Losing JJ to her own mind would be the worst thing that could happen to his young friend. He'd made it through Tobias and his torture, he'd overcome drugs, but the reminder of what happened to his own mother could send him over the edge.

Gideon looked around for a place to sit, but all the seats were taken. Morgan was standing against the wall. He was talking on the phone, probably to Garcia. After this was all over he was going to have a conversation with Morgan about their tech. It was clear to Gideon that Morgan was in love with her but he didn't know it. A relationship between the two could help the younger man become more stable and perhaps put his own demons behind him.

"Gideon… where is he? Is he okay? What is going on? Haley's voice came from behind him. He turned to see her in a snow covered black coat and Jack on her hip.

He took the boy from her and set the diaper bag on the floor next to them. Her eyes were red and blood shot.

"Unfortunately… I don't have any news. The nurses won't release any information to us. They want to talk to his emergency contact. Don't worry, I'll look after Jack." He said kindly and Haley turned to join Reid in the throng at the desk.

"So how long do you figure Dr. Van Cott had been dead.?" Morgan asked the older man.

"Well I'm nor forensic expert, but Hotch did say they were told by the women at the clinic that he hadn't shown up for work in a few days."

"I've seen a lot of things in my day but the way he had that man displayed with haunt my dreams for awhile." Morgan responded with a shiver.

"Yeah… but just remember we got JJ back and we stopped him from hurting someone else." Gideon reminded him.

There was a commotion much louder then the rest of the noise in the emergency waiting room. "No… I won't allow it. I want to see her right now!"

It was Reid's voice enraged and carrying over the crowd. Most of the people around them stopped talking and Gideon hurried over to the desk. Haley beat him there and she was trying to calm him down.

"No… I want to talk to her doctor!" Reid ignored Haley's arm around him and her low voice asking him what was wrong.

"Reid!" Gideon's voice snapped like a gunshot in the mostly quiet room.

Reid froze in the middle of a sentence and turned to face the senior agent. "Gideon… I… they want to -"

"Come with me!" Gideon pulled the young man down the hallway and left Haley staring after them till she shook herself and went back to the nurses station.

The rest of the people in the waiting room went back to their conversations or weeping. Gideon pulled Reid around a corner.

"Get a hold of yourself Spencer."

"But -"

"You won't help JJ by making a scene."

"You don't understand." Reid said his face was red and his eyes were blazing. He tried to push past Gideon but the older man held onto his arm with a vice like grip.

"I understand that you will get a hold on yourself!" Gideon demanded, but he let go of Reid's arm.

"Now what's happened, what did they tell you about JJ."

"She's nearly catatonic. They want to do a an evaluation on her in the psych ward. I don't understand how they can. She can't talk." Reid was babbling.

"Reid, they have to determine what has happened to her."

Reid was watching Gideon while he talked and suddenly his eye's lit up. "Maybe if you talk to her doctor. You've done lots of evaluations. You evaluated Nathan Harris. You could see her and you would know if she has to… if they have to…" He couldn't continue.

"Listen to me! JJ is not your mother!"

Reid reeled back as though his mentor had slapped him. "I didn't say -"

"You don't have to say it. I know what you're thinking. JJ has been through two terrible events in the last six months. Her mind is trying to cope with all of it. Let the doctors help her!"

"I don't know what to do." Reid said helplessly.

"You're going to let the doctors do what they have to do and when you can you'll see her." Gideon said.

Morgan rounded the corner. "There you are. A doctor's looking for you Reid, man." He put a hand on Reid's shoulder and pulled him away.

A doctor with light brown hair and green eyes approached Morgan. "This is Dr. Reid." Morgan said.

"Dr. Reid, I'm Dr. Forrester. I've been evaluating Agent Jareau, she's got a lot of cuts and bruises and a bump to the head. It's a mild concussion. The baby is okay. I'm very concerned that she doesn't respond to stimuli. She's in a near catatonic state. I want to admit her to the hospital till we can do more test. She needs more x-rays and an MRI."

"Can I see her." Reid asked him.

"Yes… but just for a few minutes. We need to get those tests done." The doctor led him down the hallway to the elevators. They rode up in silence and then they headed done a long corridor to JJ's private room.

"I have to warn you. She isn't talking to anyone. She will look like she is awake, but she won't talk to you."

Reid took in a shuddering breath and nodded at the shorter man next to him. Dr. Forrester opened the door and Reid walked in behind him on shaking legs.

JJ lay on the bed, her eyes open and as unseeing as they had been when they'd taken her away from him in the emergency room. He face was blackened and bruised. She had two IV lines infusing into her arms.

"Is the pain medication going to hurt the baby." Reid asked numbly.

"She and the baby will be okay. I promise. We're going to be monitoring them both very closely." Dr. Forrester assured him.

Reid stood back from her unsure what to do. She had a blood pressure cuff on one arm that was set to take readings at ten minute intervals. There was an oxygen sensor on her right hand pointer finger. He finally took a step up to her. She was breathing on her own and that was a relief to him. She didn't look at him.

"Is she going to come out of this." He asked the doctor.

"I think a lot of that depends on you." The doctor told him. "You're her boyfriend, yes."

"Yes." Reid answered without taking his eyes of JJ.

"Then talk to her for a bit. Perhaps you can get through to her. I'll leave you alone till we're ready to do the next round of tests." The doctor left the room and Reid went to the chair next to her bed.

He took her hand and stroked it softly. "JJ… its Spence. You gotta stop this now. I know you miss me when I leave but there's other ways to get my attention."

He reached out and smoothed the covers on her bed and then his hand went to her face and pushed back her hair. It was snarled and had seemed to have lost it's luster. She would have to be seen like this.

He got up from his chair and went to the door. He looked back at her and she hadn't moved, or given sign that she knew he was there.

He went out to the nurses station and asked if there was anyway he could have a brush or a comb for JJ's hair.

A small dark haired nurse looked up at the pale young man in front of him and her heart went out to him. "I'll see what I can find." She was smiling at him and standing to leave the station when a loud scream sounded from JJ's room.

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It was still dark. The blackness was almost like a physical presence. It was the sign that he was till there somewhere on the edges. She was so cold. She shivered and shook like she were outside in January without a coat or sweater.

"Spence… why won't you answer me?" she shrieked. The words were absorbed into the darkness as though they had fallen into tar. It pressed around her like cotton. She couldn't breathe.

"Please…. I need you. Please come and find me. I know you can."

She was crying so hard her head hurt as though it was on fire and her chest was tight. She put her hands to her face and felt that it was wet and sticky. God what had happened now? She didn't want to know what was on her face, but she couldn't stop herself from inhaling and tasting it with her tongue.

God… it was blood…there was blood all over her hands.

"I told you I would never leave you… I will punish you until you admit that it's all you're fault."

"I didn't do anything… Let me go please…"

No," said the gravelly voice of her nightmares. "You will stay here with me forever." He laughed and laughed and she screamed again. This time her voice left the darkness and rang through the hospital room she couldn't see.


	24. Chapter 24

_A/n thank you all so much for your continued support of this story. I appreciate all of the wonderful feedback you've all given me._

_Disclaimer: I own only my own characters. No copyright infringement is intended by this posting. _

Reid ran back to JJ's room with the nurse hot on his heels. He shoved the door open and skidded into the room. JJ was sitting up in the bed, screaming. Her eyes were wide open and staring as tears poured down her face.

He hurried to her side and wrapped her up in his arms. "JJ… shh… it's okay. It's Spence… I'm here baby." His heart thudded painfully in his chest, and adrenaline raced through his blood making him feel sick to his stomach.

"Spence… where are you? I can't see you. Help me…" She shrieked. She writhed in his arms trying to push him away.

"No… you're not him. Leave me alone please. Spence… please come find me… I need you! Help me…" She continued to twist in his arms.

"I'm here baby. It's okay. He's dead. I killed him. Please hear me baby and come back to me. I can't lose you." He stroked her hair and rubbed her back. Her terrified begging made his insides feel like someone had taken the top off them and stirred them up with a stick.

Slowly she began to calm. Her breathing slowed and she stopped thrashing. "Help me please…" She breathed in a very tiny voice. She sounded like a badly frightened child.

"Dr. Reid," the nurse said from behind him. "Please come with me, the doctor needs to examine her."

"Let him stay with her." Dr. Forrester's voice said. "He's helping her more than we can."

"I'll be right outside if you need anything." He heard the nurse say.

JJ had calmed again and this time her eyes were closed and she seemed to be sleeping. He lowered her to the bed. Dr. Forrester patted him on the back and said. "I'm going to do a quick exam. You can stay if you want."

"Thanks, I really need to be here right now." Reid collapsed in the chair and put his face in his hands. He had to do something to help her; she was begging him for help. What was he going to do?

After a few minutes he felt a tap on his shoulder. He looked up at the kind face of the doctor. "She's sleeping. I believe that when she wakes up, it will be to real consciousness. I want you to stay with her; she seems to respond to you."

"You couldn't make me leave." Reid said with a tired and happy smile.

"I know, I won't try," Dr. Forrester said. He gave Reid another pat on the shoulder and left him alone with JJ.

The dark haired nurse touched him on the shoulder and he looked up at her with eyes that held some hope. They weren't dead as they had been when she'd first seen him.

"My name is Melanie. Push the call button if you need me. I'll be on till eleven." She gave him what she hoped was a hopeful smile and then she was gone.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hotch walked down the corridor to the nurses' station. Melanie looked up at him and decided that whatever he wanted to know, she would tell him. He wasn't someone to mess with.

"Can I help you?" She asked, hoping that her voice sounded more authoritative than she felt.

"Yes… I'm Special Agent Hotchner of the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI. I'm here to see one of your patients, Special Agent Jennifer Jareau." His dark eyes swept over her and she saw a flicker of intense concern pass over his face before he shut down again.

"Ah - yeah…she's three doors down, room 749." She waved a hand in that direction.

He turned to go and then he stopped, turned back, and said. "The press may be calling to try and find out about Agent Jareau's condition. I would appreciate it if you didn't say anything to them about her." He said with a frown.

"Don't worry; we never give out information unless it's the family or emergency contact." Melanie assured him as she placed a patient's chart on top of the stack in her out box.

"Thanks," he said, and then to her surprise he smiled, his eyes lit up and he reminded her of a small boy at Christmas. Then he shut down again and she noticed for the first time that he had a cast on his left arm and his head had a small dressing over his right eye.

"Agent Hotchner, are you okay?" She asked, moving around the desk to get a closer look.

"I'm fine," He said kindly holding up the arm that was in a cast. "I had a little car accident, but the doctors assure me that my brain isn't scrambled."

Melanie grinned at him and said, "Let me know if you need anything for the pain."

"You'll give me something," he asked surprised.

"No, can't do that, I'll page your doctor." She shot back cheekily.

"Thanks anyway," Hotch said dryly and then he laughed. This time he didn't turn back and she sat back down a little disappointed. She'd seen the wedding band on his hand.

"Oh well… story of my life, the cute ones are always taken." Then she thought about those eyes. They seemed to see everything, and she thought his wife must be brave to live beneath those all seeing eyes.

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Hotch knocked briefly and then opened the door to JJ's room without waiting for a reply. Reid was rising from his chair when his boss entered the room.

"What the hell happened to you?" He said softly.

"How's JJ?" Hotch asked.

They spoke at the same time and Reid smiled a bit. "She's sleeping. The doctor thinks she may have come out of the catatonic state she was in. We'll know when she wakes up." He sat back down and took JJ's hand gently in his.

Hotch watched him for a moment and the desire to have Haley there by his side was so overwhelming he nearly fled. He squelched the feeling and sat down in another chair on the other side of JJ.

His eyes flew over her face and he felt his heart constrict at the sight of her bruises. He was glad Reid had shot the un-sub. Sometimes there was no room for pity, or compassion, when it came to the human monsters he had to face every day.

"What happened to you?" Reid repeated.

"Just a broken arm and a slight concussion, I'm supposed to be in my room overnight for observation, but I made them let me come see you." Hotch said.

Reid watched him closely and noted that the senior agent looked very troubled. Not that this was a surprise but…

"Reid… you're going to have to answer some hard questions. The media is going to have field day with all of this. I don't know if I'll be able to save either of your jobs." Hotch informed him.

Reid looked dazed, but he also looked resigned to whatever his fate was. "I'm sorry for coming down so hard on you this morning. I don't know if you'll believe this, but I understand why you did what you did. If it had been Haley, I might have been tempted to do the same thing."

Reid's head whipped around in surprise. "No… you'd never do that Hotch. You're an honorable man." Reid protested, his long fingers fingering the bedspread like a rosary.

"I'm also very human and I love my wife, just as you love JJ. Reid this may come as a shock to you, but I am not perfect, none of us are. All we can do is the best that we can, and that's what you did for JJ."

"But I still didn't talk to you or the police and I should have." Reid said bitterly.

"And you'll have to live with that," Hotch told him. "I just hope we can keep the press from finding out about JJ. I spoke with Representative Pendleton and he agreed that since the rapist was caught, he wouldn't make a case out of the fact that his daughter was attacked after JJ's failure to report her attack."

"We're very lucky he and his daughter have agreed to keep silent about it. The only thing the press will be told is that JJ was kidnapped by a un-sub and is in the hospital because of her injuries. I don't know if they will buy it or not. If they don't, you'll both be up in front of the Review board. As it is, I'm suspending both of you till after the baby is born."

"But Hotch I -" Reid began and then closed his mouth when Hotch looked at him.

"No… I want both of you out of the line of fire till this dies down. JJ is already out on leave and now she'll need help dealing with her rape and the kidnapping."

"I know… I don't know what to do to help." Reid admitted his face turning crimson with embarrassment.

"Just be with her for know, and you have to encourage her to talk to someone. She's going to have to talk to the department shrink anyway. I think if she gets a head start on that by talking to someone that's been there, she'll do better when it's time for her evaluation to come back." Hotch said.

Reid was still fingering the bed spread while holding JJ's hand in his right hand. Hotch stood and started for the door.

"We won't talk of this again. You and I will sit down later and talk. I want you to talk to someone as well, you've had a rough year, don't let it bring you down Reid."

Reid nodded and watched his boss leave the room. He turned back and laid his head on the bed next to JJ's head.

"Please wake up and talk to me. I love you so much." He pleaded with her. She didn't move but she was breathing and she seemed to be sleeping peacefully.

"Please God… or whoever might be listening. Please look after her and the baby. Don't punish the baby for its father's crimes."

He lay that way for a long time, and when Gideon came into the room an hour later, he found Reid sleeping. He smiled to see that the two of them seemed to have found some measure of peace.

He was going to leave the room when a voice stopped him in his tracks. "Gideon…" He turned around and saw Reid looking up at him.

"I'm sorry I disturbed you." Gideon said.

"It's okay, I can't really sleep anyway. I'm so worried about her. I let her down Gideon. I should have told you what was happening." Reid said.

"Yeah… you should have, but I understand why the two of you kept it to yourselves." Gideon replied. How is she?"

"She's sleeping the doctors say. I just want her to wake up and smile at me, or tell me off, something. I can't take this waiting.

"She's going to be alright. You're both strong and you'll get through this." Gideon remarked looking at JJ.

"Will we Gideon? It seems like the blows keep coming. Maybe we're not meant to be together."

"Yeah… you're probably right. You have nothing in common. She's pretty, vivacious, and popular and you… well you're not popular and while you're reasonably attractive…"

"Oh stop it Gideon, reverse psychology won't work on me." Reid said, but he was smiling and his face was its normal pale color again. Gideon winked at him and they both laughed.

Then Reid felt JJ's hand squeeze his, he looked down at her and her eyes were open. "What's going on? Spence… where am I?" JJ's frightened voice said.


	25. Chapter 25

_A/n hello everyone. Here is the next installment. Thanks very much to all of you who have read or reviewed on a regular basis, feedback is a wonderful gift._

_Thanks to my wonderful beta REIDFANATIC. She keeps me on track and without her this would be riddled with mistakes_

_Disclaimer: I own only my own characters. No copyright infringement is intended_

"Hey… what's going on? Spence… where am I?" JJ's frightened voice said.

He looked down into the beautiful blue eyes that he loved. They were so full of fear and pain, it broke his heart. "It's okay baby… I'm here… its over." He said shakily. Her eyes filled up with tears and he leaned down to grab her up in a hug. It felt so good to be in her arms again and have her recognize him.

"I'll leave you two alone." Gideon's calm voice said.

"You don't have to leave Gideon." JJ told him in a cracked voice.

"No… we'll talk later. I want you to rest." He said to her from his position at the foot of her bed.

"Thank you Gideon!" JJ said quietly. "I know what I did was wrong, and I want to -"

"Never mind that now. I want you to rest right, okay?"

"Alright… but I want to talk to you if that's okay." JJ requested as the fingers of her right hand picked at the blanket on her bed.

"Of course, but later, just get some rest." Gideon left the room after giving Reid a pat on the shoulder.

Reid turned back to JJ and took her hand in his once more. "Is he dead?" Her voice whispered urgently. Her eyes were bright and panicked.

"Yes… he's dead. I killed him." He whispered back fiercely. "I'm not sorry I did it. He brutalized you and other women, I enjoyed it!"

Her face relaxed and the fear left her eyes. He hugged her again and stroked her hair for a few minutes before releasing her again and sitting back.

"I'm sorry Spence. I should have been more careful."

"This isn't your fault. Stop blaming yourself. He was obsessed; he would have found a way to get to you no matter what. I'm sorry I wasn't there." He said sadly.

He couldn't stand the bruises on her face. He wished that Michael Van Cott were still alive so that he could have the pleasure of killing him again.

"Spence, are you okay? You look so sad. Do I really look that bad?" JJ joked, trying to pull herself out of the dregs of the nightmare she'd been in for all of those hours.

"No… you look beautiful. You're always beautiful to me." He said.

"You're quite the flatterer, but my head and face hurt so badly. I must look as bad as I feel." She said trying to smile, but that hurt too, so she settled for lifting his hand and kissing it.

"I don't care what you look like. I'll always love you." He told her hoarsely. His headache had cranked up again to nearly bursting. His eyes were burning and stinging, and his stomach was churning with reaction.

"You look so tired Spence."

"I'm okay… just go back to sleep. We'll talk later." He soothed. He reached out and began to stroke her hair again, and after a long while, she was asleep.

"The nurse said she was awake." A voice said from behind him. He jumped and whipped around to see Dr. Forrester standing there.

"Yes… she was awake for a little while, and she knew who I was and who our boss was. She was talking normally and everything." Reid said very fast while he watched JJ sleep.

"Good… I still want to do an MRI and some x-rays to determine if there is any permanent damage, but that can wait till the morning. Dr. Reid… you look exhausted. Its nine pm, why don't you try to get some rest. The snowstorm is over and the roads are clear."

Reid wanted to stay with her, but he was so tired. He let the doctor talk him into leaving. He would come back as soon as he could in the morning.

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When the elevator doors opened on the ground floor he found Garcia standing there. "Hey baby cakes… I was just coming up to see you guys. How's JJ?" She demanded, throwing her arms around him and giving him a giant bear hug.

"I'm alright Garcia and JJ is okay." He told her, feeling a smile cross his face. There was never a time that she was in his presence that he didn't want to smile. How did she manage it?

"You look terrible oh beautiful one of the large brain."

"I am tired. I was going home. I just remembered that I don't have a ride." He said a little perplexed.

"That's okay. Esther is ready and willing to be your chariot."

He didn't argue he let Garcia take his arm and lead him out into the night. He could see only blackness overhead, and it was cold enough to jack up his headache another notch.

Garcia unlocked the car and Reid settled inside, leaning his aching head against the cold and icy window. Esther may have been old, but the heater worked very well, and soon the interior was warm and toasty.

He slept the entire way home. Garcia didn't talk to him at all. She seemed to know that he needed the quiet. She led him to the door, and he fumbled with the keys, having to try the lock several times before succeeding in opening it.

He flipped on the light and turned off the alarm before it could wail. "Thanks for bringing me home Garcia." he said wearily.

"No problem sweet cheeks. Get some rest; I'll see you in the morning." She patted his arm and just like that she was gone into the winter night.

He looked around and tried to convince himself that all of this was real. Everything that had happened in the last five months paled in comparison to what just happened. He knew he should feel something for having killed a man, but he didn't. The words that Gideon once told him came back.

"_You did what you had to do. I'm proud of you."_

Would he be proud to know that at the moment Reid had killed Van Cott, he'd felt great pleasure in the act? No… he wouldn't tell anyone. He would keep it to himself. Only JJ would ever know. He couldn't let anyone else know, they would hate him. God, he hated himself for enjoying it. It didn't matter that the man had deserved it for hurting all those women, and that he wanted to kill Reid. It was still wrong of him to take pleasure in the man's death, wasn't it?

He laid his wallet, his gun, and his badge on the table by the door. He reengaged the alarm and took off his shoes. He was so tired and his headache was a dull roar. He thought, as he stumbled to their bedroom, that he should take something for the pain, but he was too sleepy for that.

He wrenched off his sweater vest. The buttons of his shirt were too much for his hands, so he simply lay down and fell into a deep sleep, still thinking about Michael Van Cott.

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Reid awoke the next day to a room full of sunshine. His head had cleared, and his eyes didn't feel like sandpaper. He hadn't dreamed which surprised him. He thought that he would have awoken at least once during the night, terrified of the monsters that had once chased him through his dreams.

He looked at the clock and realized it was almost eight am. He got quickly out of bed. He was showered and had a cup of coffee in his hand twenty minutes later. He grabbed his keys and after setting the alarm and locking the door, he realized his car was still in the garage at Quantico. At least JJ's car was still in the driveway. It wouldn't have mattered; he would've taken a cab or the metro. He had to get back to the hospital and JJ.

The roads were still clear when he pulled out onto the road, and since it was a Saturday morning he didn't have to worry about the traffic. He turned on the radio, but just as quickly turned it off. The only thing that seemed to be airing was the details of what happened to Michael Van Cott and the FBI's involvement in his shooting. He didn't want to hear about it, even if it was good news. He wanted to get the facts from Hotch and Gideon.

When he got to JJ's room a half an hour later, Garcia, Emily, Haley and Hotch were sitting there chatting with her. JJ looked better that morning. He noticed that Garcia was sitting next to her, and she held a brush. He remembered that he'd wanted to comb her hair the night before. Her face was still bruised, but she was smiling at something Garcia was saying. Hotch and Emily was laughing too.

"What's so funny?" He demanded, as he walked through the door.

"Garcia was telling us about her attempt to get Prince William's phone number a couple of years ago." Hotch was saying. He was actually smiling and it made Reid grin to see it.

"It doesn't surprise me that she would try." Reid said.

"Why don't I get any respect from you people?" Garcia whined.

Morgan walked in the door just in time to hear that. "You have my utmost respect, mama." Garcia blushed and Morgan laughed.

"Come on you guys. Let's go get some coffee and let the lovebirds talk." Garcia said taking Morgan's arm and propelling him back out of the room.

"Hey Emily, I heard you got knocked on the head." Reid said as she got up from her chair.

"Yeah… I did… but the doc said I must have a hard head, no permanent damage was done. They made me stay here last night, but Hotch and I get to go home today."

"You let me know if I can do anything to help." Haley was saying to JJ. She let go of the younger woman's hand and took her husband's arm.

"Thanks Haley, I will." JJ said.

"The same goes for you." Haley said to Reid.

"Okay, I promise." Reid assured her as he took his place next to JJ's bed.

They filed out, Morgan promising to come back later with Garcia. "I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up." Reid said leaning in to kiss her.

"Hmm… that's okay. You look better. You were really tired last night." JJ brushed a hand over his face and he shivered at her touch.

"I love you JJ. I'm not leaving here till you do, even if I have to bribe the nurses."

"I don't think that will be necessary, before Melanie left last night she was talking to me for a minute when I woke up. I think she's very taken with you." JJ said with a wink.

Reid felt his face get hot. "I only have eyes for you."

"You sure do know how to make a girl feel good Dr. Reid."

He hugged and kissed her again. "The doctor said that I have to stay another day, but then I can go home. They did another ultrasound this morning and the baby is okay." she didn't meet his eyes and her hands were twisting in her lap.

"JJ… what's wrong?" He felt fear beginning to curdle in his body. What had the doctor told her?

"I'm sorry Spence. I know we said we didn't want to know, but I couldn't help it. The doctor told me the sex of the baby."

He let the breath he didn't know he was holding out in a rush. "It's okay baby. You scared me though, I thought something was wrong." He scolded her gently. He let her go and she sat back on the upright portion of the hospital bed.

"So you're not mad?" She asked the fear leaving her eyes.

"No… I understand why you wanted to know."

"Do you want me to tell you, Spence?

"Yeah… I want to know."


	26. Chapter 26

_A/n hello everyone. Here is the next chapter. I want to thank everyone again for your wonderful comments and feedback, the muse loves it._

_Disclaimer: Nothing of CM in mine. I own the plot and my originnal characters. No copyright infringement is intended with this posting. _

"So you're not mad?" She asked, the fear leaving her eyes.

"No… I understand why you wanted to know."

"Do you want me to tell you, Spence?

"Yeah… I want to know."

JJ's face lit up with a big smile. "We're going to have a girl." She said excitedly.

She watched Reid, and when he didn't reply, she poked him in the shoulder. "Hey did you hear me sweetie?"

"Ah - yeah… I don't know what to say." His brow was furrowing in genuine confusion.

"Are you happy?" She asked him, frowning a little bit. "You're not happy I can tell." Tears began to well up in her eyes.

"No… it's not that… I just don't know how to feel. I was hoping the baby would be a girl and now that I got my wish, I'm kind of freaked out a little…" His heart was beating strangely, and he felt a little light headed. It was kind of like how he felt when JJ asked him to lunch all those months ago.

"Baby what are you thinking?" JJ asked.

"I'm happy… yeah I guess I'm pretty excited." Reid said, thoughts and feelings were spinning through his so fast it was a bit overwhelming. Was this what it was like to have more then one good thing happen to him at once? He hoped so; he liked these feelings, even if he did want to faint, kind of.

"You look like your going to puke; you're a little green around the gills." JJ said letting out the first real laugh she had in so long.

He was a little upset that she was laughing so hard, then he realized that she wasn't laughing at him and he felt a grin cross his face followed by the desire to laugh, which he did. It was so liberating to laugh like that, it was the first time he'd felt that way in a long time. They sat there and laughed, both getting very red in the face.

"I'm glad you guys are feeling better." Gideon said from the doorway. He was wearing a maroon sweater and dark slacks. He was grinning at them.

Reid was the first to respond getting himself under control with great difficulty. "H-hey b-boss," He gasped out, still tomato red in the face. He still felt a little lightheaded and giddy.

"I take it you've got good news." The senior agent said around his grin. He leaned up against the window to the right of the room that was covered with cream colored faux metal blinds. The blinds clinked a little behind him.

"Yes… as a matter of fact we did." Reid said his laughter tapering off to the occasional snort which made JJ laugh again.

"That's great… are you sharing this good news?" Gideon asked highly amused.

"What… oh yeah… sorry, the doctor told JJ the sex of the baby. She's going to have girl." He grinned up at Gideon.

"We're having a girl… remember." JJ said in mock exasperation, her emphasis on "we're." She whacked Reid on the arm and he bent down to kiss her full on the lips, ignoring his boss.

JJ pushed him off of her and smacked him again. "Watch it… the boss man's in the room."

"I don't care if you act like a couple of teenagers in front of me." Gideon said calmly as if watching Reid and JJ make out was an everyday occurrence and he was used to it.

Reid was now a very entertaining shade of purple and JJ was still laughing gaily. "Sorry… I guess we got carried away." Reid apologized; he grabbed hold of one of JJ's hands and squeezed it tightly.

"Are you happy it's a girl?" Gideon asked Reid.

"Yeah… I'm very happy." Reid said.

"Okay… well congratulations. I just came by to see how you were doing. I also wanted to let you know that the press hasn't got wind of JJ's pregnancy. I don't know if they will, but for now your secret is safe."

JJ tightened her grip on Reid's hand. "If anyone asks, I'm prepared to tell the whole world the baby is mine." Reid declared not taking his eyes off of JJ's face. She relaxed and her beautiful smile reappeared.

"As far as I am concerned this is my child. Michael Van Cott is dead; all he's done for this child was contribute to the baby's DNA patterns. I love this baby, Van Cott wanted to control the baby, not nurture her."

"Can we please not talk about this now?" JJ pleaded with the men, her hand tightening around Reid's again.

Reid looked into the blue eyes he loved and nodded. He just wanted her to be happy; they would have to deal with the ramifications of their actions another time.

"Have you decided on a name?" Gideon asked.

"We haven't got that far." JJ said.

"Okay… we'll I'll leave you two alone. Hotch told me your going to be released tomorrow."

"Yeah, I can't wait to get out of here." JJ stated impatiently.

"The doctors want to be sure you're okay. I think you should stay here for at least another couple of days." Reid observed and then he yelped when JJ pinched the top of his hand… hard!

"Hey… what was that for." He whined.

"It's a good thing you're not a medical doctor, Dr. Reid." JJ informed him. "I want to go back home to my own bed. I want you next to me when I sleep." Real fear had entered her eyes again.

"I'll see you later." Gideon told them. He disappeared around the corner and out of the room.

"I'll never let anyone hurt you or our daughter again. I promise."

"I know baby, I'm so glad you're here." She sat forward and threw her arms around him.

"I love you Spencer Reid." She whispered in his ear.

"I love you too, Jennifer Jareau." He kissed her, and for a little while there was peace for both of them in a small hospital room, while the sunshine glinted off the snow outside her window, turning it to diamonds on the ground.

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Reid opened the door to the little house he shared with JJ and disengaged the alarm. He went back to the car and opened the passenger side door.

"Geez, Spence I can walk to the door you know." She complained when he picked her up. It was another gray day, but her heart was singing. It really was over and she was in her own house again. Reid carried her across the snow covered yard and into the house.

He took her into their bedroom and put her down on the bed. He'd just taken off his boots and coat when JJ sat up and grabbed the back of his sweater.

"What's wrong?" He asked her. He turned around with one sock in his hand and she stood up fast, capturing his lips with hers.

He pushed away. "JJ…"

"Shh… don't say anything. I need you." Her eyes were pleading with him to understand.

He didn't say any of the million things that were racing through his mind at that point. Instead he unzipped her coat and pushed it off her shoulders. She was wearing a bright red sweater and he carefully lifted it over her bruised face and past her head. He dropped it to the floor next to her.

He touched her cheek, running one finger down to her chin. He looked into her eyes; they were the only thing in his universe. He could get lost and drown in the depths of those wonderful blue orbs. She stood up on tiptoe and kissed him softly on the mouth. He didn't realize that she had opened all the buttons on his shirt till it slipped off his shoulders and hit the floor behind him.

His hands worked the top button of her jeans. He opened the zipper next and it whispered down. He hooked his hands into the belt loops and pulled. Her jeans fell to the floor and he pulled her against him and kissed her hard. His left hand was making its way up and under her sweater to skip over her bra. She sighed and he pushed the hand under the bra. She moaned and pulled him down on the bed.

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The doorbell ringing woke him up from a dead sleep. He looked at the clock and saw that it was five pm.

He knew he had to get out of bed, but it was so comfortable and warm here with JJ. Why couldn't they be left alone for one day? He wanted time with her. He wanted to feel that all of this craziness was over, and he couldn't do that if he went to the door and answered it. If he answered it, the outside world would be a reality again, and he didn't want reality to invade this little happy universe

He heard the knocking again, and he swore under his breath. He looked over and saw that JJ was still asleep, drooling adorably in her dreams. He extricated himself from her embrace and got out of bed. His robe was flung over the chair in front of her computer desk. He put it on and belted it.

He remembered how JJ had laughed at the robe the first time she'd seen it. He'd been highly offended by her amusement. Sure… it was an ugly, eye searing, yellow terry cloth, but it was comfortable. He'd worn it since his mother had bought for him on his eighteenth birthday. Her ability to judge what color was the best for Spencer had obviously been impaired, JJ had commented. He privately agreed, even though he defended his mother to JJ. It was rare that his mother had purchased gifts for him. When she did, he cherished it, no matter the embarrassment it might cause him.

Someone pounded on the door again and he muttered under his breath. "I'm coming, don't get nervous."

He tripped over a book on the living room floor near the doorway to the hall, and yelped. He was going to give the person on the other side of the door a piece of his mind, and then he would fix some food for JJ and they would have dinner in bed.

He looked out the peep hole and felt his heart sink. Morgan and Garcia stood on the other side of the door and his hopes for a quiet evening with JJ were dashed. He debated just ignoring them, but there was no way that would work.

He opened the door and said angrily. "What the hell do you two want!"

Garcia's face fell and Morgan frowned. "Why are you so cranky."

"I was sleeping if you don't mind." Reid said through clenched teeth, his bare legs going to goose bumps in the cold breeze entering the doorway.

Morgan looked him up and down. He winked at Garcia and asked with mock seriousness. "Are you sure you were sleeping or were you doing something else."

"I was sleeping." Reid repeated and Morgan was disappointed that his young partner didn't blush.

"Well, that's too bad, we're here to get you and JJ."

"JJ's tired, I'm not taking her anywhere." Reid said forcefully.

"Yeah… I'll bet she is… thanks to you." Morgan said with a lecherous grin toward Reid.

"Morgan I'm not explaining myself to you. You can see yourselves out, I'm going back to bed." Reid got up and stalked off down the hall.

"Hey sweet cheeks… you gotta come with us." Garcia said.

He stopped and looked back. "Garcia… I -"

"You won't regret it, I promise."

"Right… I think I've heard that one before."

"It will be fun." Morgan said.

"I'm not going." Reid said.

"Okay, it was supposed to be a surprise. Haley is trying to give you a welcome home party. Please don't disappoint her. If you do… Hotch will be pissed." Morgan said, playing his trump card.

Reid stared at them and saw that they were serious. "Fine I'll go get JJ. Just sit there and wait." He ordered them.


	27. Chapter 27

_A/n hi everyone, as always I'm excited about all of your reviews and feedback. Thanks to REIDFANATIC for beta reading for me. _

_Disclaimer: I don't own CM. No copyright infringement is intended. _

Reid scowled as he stomped back to the bedroom he shared with JJ. He didn't want to go anywhere with anyone. It was selfish, but he only wanted to spend time with the woman he loved.

He passed through the doorway to their bedroom and looked over at his lover. The light was going from the room as the sun was setting. She was still sleeping in the same position he'd left her. He didn't want to wake her up; she looked so peaceful and happy. She was smiling in her sleep and he wanted to keep that smile on her face.

He sat down next to her and ran a hand over her bruised face. It was beginning to heal. He wanted the marks to go away faster. He wanted to make every reminder disappear from her heart and mind. He traced a finger over her chin, and was about to call her name when she suddenly began to thrash and moan.

"JJ… wake up," He said loudly as her body turned away from him, twisting up the sheets around her small body.

"Spence… help me… I can't find you!" She breathed in a very small voice. She was crying and moaning.

"Hush sweetheart… I'm here, open your eyes darling."

He put a hand gently on her head and she exploded out of sleep, her eyes wide and staring. She was trying to scream, but the sound wouldn't come out, only huge breaths as though she were drowning. He wrapped her up in his arms and she fought him, trying to hit at him and twist away.

"Don't touch me… please don't hurt me again. I'll do anything you want. I won't tell anyone… I promise." Tears fell like rain down her cheeks and her face was red and splotchy. Her eyes were wide and staring.

"JJ… it's me… its Spencer. Wake up baby… it's just a bad dream. He can't hurt you anymore." She finally began to calm under his hand stroking her back and his forehead leaning against her.

"Spence… what happened?"

"Its okay, you had a bad dream." He said, trying to calm his speeding heart and hoping that she wouldn't see how she'd scared him.

"I remember this time. Why can't I forget, I don't want to remember." She demanded of him and all he could do was make soothing excuses to her.

"It's okay baby. We'll figure it out, I promise."

"I'm scared Spence. I don't want to be scared anymore. I'm tired of being scared every day." Her large eyes bored into his in silent accusation. Why couldn't he make it all go away?

"I know honey. We are going to get through this -" He was shocked when she wrenched away from him and scuttled to the edge of the bed.

"How can you say that? You weren't the one that was raped; you aren't carrying the child of monster!" She raged. She crawled out of bed and pulled on her robe.

"I'm tired; I just want to get him out of my head."

"You will, we'll all help you." Reid said, knowing how trite it sounded.

She scowled and turned to leave the room. "Ah - JJ wait a minute."

"No… I want some tea and something to eat, I'm starved." She strode down the hallway with him hot on her heels.

"JJ please there is -"

"Spence I don't want to hear it I -" She turned the corner and saw Morgan out of the corner of her eye. He and Garcia had played unwitting witness to her shouting a minute ago and they both looked extremely guilty.

"What are you two doing here?"

"We just came to take you to a party Haley's putting on for you and Hotch and Emily." Garcia said shamefaced, her usual smart ass attitude forgotten.

"Oh really… well I don't feel like partying. Is that okay with everyone?"

The temperature of the room plummeted at her words and even Morgan looked taken aback. Reid decided that enough was enough.

"JJ… I'd like to talk to you in private." He said gesturing to the door of their bedroom.

"No… we're all friends here, whatever you have to say, you can say it in front of them."

Reid stood looking at her for a long time. No one spoke and JJ glared back at him. "Fine… Morgan and Garcia are right, we should go. It'll be good for us to get out and spend time with other people."

"You don't believe that. Why are you letting these two tell us what to do?"

"I'm not; I just thought it would be nice of us to go since Haley's already gone to the trouble of putting this celebration together.

JJ eyed him angrily and turned on her heel. She rushed out of the room and down the hall to their bedroom.

"I'll talk to her." Reid said quietly and trailed slowly after JJ.

She was stepping into what she called her fat panties, when he came into the room. They were simple cotton underwear that accommodated her expanding belly. Reid usually teased her about them, but this was the time to keep his mouth shut. Her baby bump was definitely there and he liked the way she looked with it. She was sticking her arm through the straps of her bra and he said carefully.

"JJ… I'm sorry I know we said that we'd spend the evening together. Morgan said that it was supposed to be a surprise so I'm not ambushing you with this."

"I didn't say that you were." She shot back and pulled a white sweater over her head.

He decided that pointing out to her that he could tell that was what she was thinking by her body language was a bad idea. "We don't have to go honey."

"Yes we do." She zipped up her jeans and then her shoulders slumped. "I'm acting like a real bitch. I don't know what's wrong with me."

He pulled her into his arms and hugged her hard. "JJ… will you stop putting so much pressure on yourself? You've been through a terrible ordeal. You're pregnant. The pregnancy alone is causing mood swings, and fatigue and after all that happened; I would be surprised if you were happy to wake up to this."

She leaned back and looked up at him. "You're too good to me. I don't deserve you. Why do you stay with me? I'm having another man's baby and you act like nothing is wrong and -"

"JJ … I'm not perfect, I have my moments, but I love you. I'll always be here, I promise." He tipped her chin up and kissed her softly.

"You never know… you might have fun." He released her and she sat down to put on wool socks and her boots.

"Yeah… I guess you're right. Anyway… I look forward to seeing you deal with Jack." She glanced up at him and burst out laughing at the horrified look on Reid's face. He stopped dead his sweat shirt halfway over his head.

"Oh come on Dr. Reid, don't look so terrified. It'll be good practice for you."

"Great…" He mumbled as he yanked the sweat shirt down over his head, He grabbed his only pair of jeans and pulled them on.

"Hurry up… the sooner we get over there the sooner we can get back here and have a party for two." JJ said with salacious wink.

"After that remark about Jack," he said pulling on his socks. "I don't think you'll be getting any tonight."

"Oh… poor baby… that's such a dire threat."

"That'll teach you to get smart with me. Honestly… you think just because you're pregnant and your hormones are out of control, I have to perform like the prize stallion at a stud farm." He pulled her close and kissed her hard, startling a delighted squeal from her. "You've got another thought coming if you think that." He finished this rant with a swat to her jean clad butt.

"Hey… I don't hear you complaining, at least not till now." JJ reminded him.

"You're just lucky I happen to be a sex maniac, otherwise you'd be out of luck, Agent Jareau." He informed her while lacing up his boots.

"That's hilarious Dr. Reid."

Morgan yelled in from the living room at them. "Hey get the lead out, we haven't got all day."

Garcia hollered in. "That's his polite way of telling you to stop whatever hanky panky you might be up to and get out here."

"Man, talk about bossy." JJ groused. She grabbed Reid's coat and threw it to him. Hers was still on the floor where it had fallen in their haste to get into bed hours before; she picked it up and put it on.

"Let's go before they decide to come looking for us." Reid said pulling on her hand.

"Let's stay here and get busy. If they come in, they'll get an eyeful, and maybe they'll learn not to bother us." JJ said waggling her eyebrows.

"As tempting as it would be to see the look on Morgan's face, I don't think so; I don't like to be watched."

"Spoil sport." She giggled and walked past him to the door.

When they entered the living room again Morgan was kissing Garcia. "Here we -" Reid began and then he blushed when they sprang apart.

"Sorry my man, you two move slower than molasses in January and we were getting bored."

JJ ran into Reid when he stopped walking and Garcia laughed. "Alright let's get going." She said giggling.

They trooped out the door and Reid set the alarm and locked the house. Morgan was parked right behind Reid's SUV, so Reid and JJ took their time getting into the car and buckling up.

The night was cold. The sun was almost down and the sky was ablaze with gold and red and orange. It was cloudless again and ice was just beginning to form on the windows of his vehicle. He turned on the engine and then the heater and the defroster.

"It's going to be cold tonight." JJ said with a shiver.

"Yeah… we won't stay long. I promise." Reid said, looking in the rearview mirror and noticing that Morgan's truck was heading down the street.

"I'm sorry for being so cranky. I just want to spend time with you. I don't care where we are." JJ told him. He leaned over and kissed her. They pulled apart and sat looking at one another for several minutes.

"Come on… Morgan will think we backed out." JJ said.

He put the car in gear, checked the mirror and backed out of the driveway. The drive to Hotch's home was relatively problem free as the road were all clear. There were a few patches of ice, but the SUV was a sure footed as a tank.

"Are you sure you're okay with this tonight." He glanced at her and caught her looking at her face in the vanity mirror. She was brushing her hair and frowning at her face. She pulled out her makeup and began to try and cover the bruises.

"I'm okay. I think it will be fun. It's been awhile since the team had some fun together. We're such a bunch of sticks in the mud, especially Hotch." JJ said putting some lip gloss on her lips.

"Morgan says he ties his tie too tight."

JJ burst out laughing and Reid chuckled. "He's right. But I don't know, you gotta think how hard it is for him. I know I wouldn't want to run this team."

Reid laughed again and agreed with her. He just wanted to be a profiler; he had no ambitions to be anything more.

They talked quietly for the rest of the trip. The conversation stayed away from the kidnapping and the rape. They talked about the baby and they discussed the house they were looking at to buy.

When they got to Hotch's house, Reid noticed that everyone else had arrived before them.

"Okay… this is supposed to be a surprise so act surprised." Reid lectured.

"Yes sir." She saluted him and he rolled his eyes. They parked, got out of the car and he took her hand.

"Come on lets go," Reid said

JJ jabbed the doorbell on the right side of the darkly stained door. Then sun was completely down and the sky was dark purple and black around the horizon. No stars were visible yet and the temperature was falling. She shivered and smiled up at Spence when he put an arm around her shoulders.

The door opened and Reid looked straight ahead expecting to greet Hotch or Haley. Instead there was no one there. Then a small, very young voice said. "Daddy more people!" Reid looked down to see a small blond boy about two and a half years old standing in the door way, his head tilted all the way back to take in Reid's tall lanky form.

JJ bit back a laugh when Reid's face went white with a greenish tint. "Ah - hi you must be Jack." He squeaked.

Jack began to laugh. He grabbed Reid's hand and yanked him into the entranceway. Reid stumbled in behind him, surprised at the strength of the grip on the little guy. Hotch came around the corner and broke into a large smile, shocking the hell out of JJ and Reid.

"I see you met Jack. He takes his host duties very seriously, don't you little man." He extricated Reid's hand from his son's little hand.

"This JJ and Spencer," He said to the little boy. Jack regarded them both solemnly, and then he said seriously. "Me Yack." Then he threw his arms around Reid's legs and hugged him hard

He looked up at Reid again and said. "Hi 'Pencer, Hi Yay-Yay." He grinned at JJ and she giggled. Reid was so red in the face; she thought he might erupt in flames.

"Now Master Jack, let go of Spencer." Hotch crouched down to the boys eye level and began to talk seriously to him. "What did I say about opening the door?"

"Daddy open door, I tay hi." Jack repeated as though he'd memorized it off by heart.

"That's right, how about you go play with Morgan." Hotch said his grin even wider.

"Kay, bye 'Pencer an Yay-Yay." He ran into the living room narrowly missing running straight in Garcia, who was leaving the room.

Reid and JJ were taking off their coats and Reid said. "I thought you were all going to jump out and yell surprise."

"We were… but you're mutual reluctance to make an appearance kind of stomped all over that idea." She was trying to look mad but not succeeding.

"Come on everyone's in the living room and asking where you are." Garcia propelled Reid by the arm  
into the big living room.

Morgan sat on one of the big easy chair. Jack was ensconced in his lap and holding a big book in his hands. Reid was highly amused to see that Morgan was reading it to the young boy. He looked at home with the little boy on his lap.

Garcia had left him and was sitting on one of the arms of Morgan's chair looking very pleased with herself.

"Hey… I heard the door bell, but the guys beat me to it."

JJ turned to Haley coming into the room. She looked a bit harried and very happy. "Reid… since my husband is short one working arm, would you come into the kitchen and help me for a minute."

"Ah - well I don't…" He trailed off when he realized she wasn't waiting for an answer. She was headed back to the kitchen and Reid followed wondering what was worse, helping Haley in the kitchen or dealing with Jack.

He pushed through the swinging door and into a spotless kitchen. It smelled like a pizzeria. Haley went to the oven and opened the door. There was a large round pizza inside. She pulled it out and set it down on a wooden slab next to the sink.

The whole kitchen was white and stainless steel. There was an island stove in the middle and a refrigerator to one side. Haley picked up the pizza cutter and handed it to Reid.

"Ah - you want me to cut pizza." He looked very confused and she laughed. "No… I wanted to talk to you. This was just an excuse to get you away from the rest of the guests."

She laughed again at his nonplussed look as she put a couple of pans into the sink on the other side of the kitchen. She ran the water and washed her hands.

"I don't understand," Reid said, not looking at her and concentrating on cutting the pizza into triangles.

She wiped her hands on the towel hanging from the oven handle. It was light blue with two kittens playing on it. They were black and white with blue eyes that reminded him of JJ.

"Everyone is so concerned about JJ. I just wanted to see how you're doing." Haley said bluntly.

He looked up in surprise. "I'm fine!" He said firmly, turning his eyes back to the pizza. He'd cut it in half and was now cutting it in half the other way.

Haley said nothing and he looked up again, curious about her silence. "What," he said a little put out. Why was she concerned about him? JJ was the one that had been raped and beaten and kidnapped.

"Spencer I don't want to butt into your private life, but I'm concerned about you. Aaron told me all about what happened to JJ. He's very concerned about you, so that makes me concerned." She was taking soda out of the refrigerator.

Reid thought hard about how to say what he was thinking. "I'm really okay. JJ is the one I'm worried about, she's been through so much and the baby…." He trailed off the ducked his head down to finished slicing the pizza.

"You're upset that the baby isn't yours. You're mad at JJ because she let the rape happen in the first place and then she manipulated you into keeping a secret you knew was wrong to keep. You did all of that because you love her. She took advantage of that love."

His head whipped up so fast, it felt like whiplash. "Mrs. Hotchner that's not true I…" He was talking pretty loudly and Haley hushed him with a finger to her lips.

"Call me Haley." She said as she took glasses out of the cabinet and put them on the counter top.

She looked at him and he put the pizza cutter on the wooden block next to the pizza. It was weird to hear all the thoughts he'd had in the last days. They were thoughts he'd kept deep in his own heart and head. He didn't want to think or feel that way about JJ.

Haley was still looking at him. He heaved a sigh and felt the burning in his throat that signaled tears were close to the surface and he felt he'd been crying too much in the last months. Men weren't supposed to cry, he noticed that Morgan never did.

"Have you ever thought about becoming a profiler?" He asked with a false laugh.

"Don't change the subject." She ordered pulling paper plates from the pantry in the corner and dropping them on the table.

"Ok… you're right, everything you said is right. I'm not proud of it okay." He was angry. How dare she lecture him about JJ?

"I'm not trying to hurt your feelings Spencer. You've taken on the weight of the world. It's okay to be mad at her."

His eyes went huge and his face began to go pink. He picked up the pizza cutter and turned it over in his hands as his stomach began to churn a bit.

"It's not fair." He whispered.

"What's not fair?" Haley asked taking a salad from the refrigerator.

He slammed the pizza cutter down and began to pace the room. "All I ever wanted was her. I didn't care about children or even marriage. I just wanted to spend time with her, to have a chance to love her. Then she gets raped and yeah, I don't get how that happened. She's an agent, she should have defended herself!" He stopped suddenly and his hands went over his mouth like a small child caught stealing candy.

"I didn't mean that… "

"Don't say that Spencer. It's okay to feel that way." Haley said. She was standing there her ceaseless journey around the kitchen getting dinner ready at an end for the moment.

"But I -"

"Don't stop now. Get it out before it poisons your relationship with JJ."

Reid began to rage up and down the kitchen again. "How could she ask me to keep a secret like that, and then she wants me to raise a child that isn't mine?" He faced Haley his eyes bright and his face was dark red. "I asked her to marry me and she said no." His face crumpled and Haley laid a consoling hand on his shoulder.

"Have you talked to her about what you just said to me?"

Reid's eye filled with horror. "No… I can't do that she just got out of the hospital. She's pregnant; I don't want to upset her."

"You have to talk to her. She deserves to know what you're dealing with. She needs to know that you don't feel that way all the time.

"I don't want to feel that way, most of the time I'm very happy, she loves me."

"I know that, but you need to tell her the negative things too. Women are not fine china when were pregnant, you can tell us stuff."

He sagged down in a chair by the table and Haley leaned back against the island. "I just don't know if I can do it." Reid said honestly. He wished he could order his negative feelings away forever.

"Aaron told me about Georgia, he wasn't supposed to, national security and all but he was so proud of you."

For the third time she surprised him with her insight. He was also a little freaked by Hotch's feelings about that case.

"The point is that you can deal with this. You can talk to JJ and she will understand. I have a feeling that she resents you in certain ways as well."

He knew he should be offended by that statement, but somehow he knew that Haley was right. "What am I going to do?"

"Just talk to her. Is she going to therapy?"

"Yeah, next week," Reid said.

"Good… I think you should talk to the therapist about what were talking about here, but before you do talk to her in private."

His face had returned to its normal color and he grinned at Haley. "Have you thought about becoming a psychologist?"

"Naw… I'm a mother and a wife, that's enough for me." Haley pushed off from the island and went to the freezer. She pulled vanilla ice cream out and set it on the counter top.

"Do you want a root beer float, Dr. Reid?"

He stood and went to the counter. "Yeah… that sounds great."

She handed him an ice cream scoop. "Then make yourself useful. I'm going to find out if the others want one."

She left through the swinging door and he went to the sink, grabbed a glass from the dishwasher and filled it with hot water. He dipped the scoop into the hot water and was about to start scooping ice cream when Emily came into the kitchen.

"I'm supposed to tell you that everyone but Morgan and Gideon want Root beer floats."

She turned to go then she came back to the counter. "Is everything okay Reid."

He didn't try to blow it off this time. The women all seemed to know when something was bothering him.

"Thanks for asking Emily. I'm okay. I just have a lot on my mind." He said dropping another scoop into the second glass at his elbow.

"Of course you do. I hope you and JJ know you can talk to me if you need it. I want us to be better friends."

"Thanks Emily." She made to leave a second time and this time he called her back. "Emily… I don't think I said thanks for forgiving me when I was so bad to you last year. I really didn't mean to act that way."

"You don't have to say anything Reid. What's done is done." She smiled at him and picked up two glasses that were full of root beef and ice cream.

Haley entered the kitchen and picked up the pizza. "Let's eat." She said walking to the second door to the left and into the dining room.


	28. Chapter 28

_A/n hello everyone. Thanks again for all of your wonderful feedback. I'm very grateful to my wonderful beta REIDFANATIC who makes sure my updates aren't littered with mistakes._

_Disclaimer: I own only my own characters. No copyright infringement is intended. _

Jack insisted on sitting between Reid and Morgan. JJ thought Reid's discomfort was hilarious, but she didn't laugh. He was looking very pale and upset again. What had Haley said to him?

Hotch thought it was good practice for Reid, so he let his son dictate the seating arrangements, much to Reid's chagrin.

The pizza was getting passed around the table, and Haley stopped by Jack's chair to give him a small slice. He picked it up with both hands, and began to cram it enthusiastically into his mouth.

"Jack… what did I say about chewing?" Haley said with some exasperation as she sat down next to Hotch.

Jack grinned at his mother around a huge mouthful of pizza. He began to chew laboriously while everyone but Reid laughed. Reid watched Jack chew, concern in his eyes. The little boy didn't choke on his food much to Reid's relief. Did kids always eat that way? He had so much to learn before the baby was born.

He picked up his fork and cut off a piece of pizza, stabbed it and pushed it into his mouth. Everyone was talking around him except Jack. The little boy was looking at him with a quizzical look and another grin.

"W-what," He asked perplexed.

"I think he wants to know the same thing I do. Why are you eating your pizza with a fork, instead of your hands?" Morgan asked and Jack nodded.

_Great… now he had to answer to Morgan and Jack. Why did he agree to come to this party?_

"Eating pizza with your hands is hardly hygienic." He said seriously and Garcia snorted laughter.

"Reid… you did wash you hands before you sat down, right?" Morgan asked looking at Reid like he was very slow on the uptake. Reid flushed and put down his fork. He picked up the slice of pizza and took a bite.

Jack clapped his pizza covered hands and laughed. The rest of the table was roaring, and Reid wished the floor would open up and swallow him whole.

"Geez... can't a guy eat pizza the way he wants without a lecture on finger food." He said in Morgan's direction.

"Nope… not tonight," The older agent said.

Reid got through the rest of the meal without another "finger food mistake." He was very quiet for the rest of the party. Jack was the only one he responded to, and they ended up in a corner where Reid was showing the little boy magic tricks to his great delight.

Jack fought his mother when it was his bed time. Reid apologized with a very red face for getting the boy upset.

"Don't worry about it Reid. He has to learn that bed time is non-negotiable." Hotch said carrying the wailing boy away to his room.

JJ wanted to go home after Hotch came back from putting Jack to bed, and Reid didn't protest much. His headache was ramping back up to full strength. The others said good night, and soon they were back out in the cold night air making their way to the SUV.

JJ had taken his gloved hand and he squeezed it absently. "Hey you ok?" She asked him when they were halfway home and he hadn't said a word.

"Yeah… I'm just really tired. These last few days have been hell." He answered unconvincingly.

JJ looked at him and his face was very pale. There was more to it then just being tired, she knew it but she would leave it alone for now.

"I'm beat too, can't wait to get into a warm bed." She said.

"Good… does that mean you're going to warm it up for me?" He wondered.

"No, I thought you would warm it up for me." She retorted.

"I don't think so," he replied.

In reality he did warm up the bed. She headed straight for the bathroom, and when she came into the bedroom he was already sleeping. She pulled off her robe and climbed in beside him. He didn't move when she wrapped her arms around him.

"Night baby…" She kissed his shoulder and wondered what he was keeping from her.

Reid heard her come out of the bathroom. He pretended to be asleep when she got into bed. He wondered how long he could keep what he was thinking from her, till she pulled it out of him.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Gin!" JJ declared loudly, looking very pleased with herself. She set the cards down on the table with a flourish and grinned at Reid, who was frowning down at his cards.

"You losing your touch or what," She asked triumphantly.

He was still frowning down at his cards, and her feelings of victory were fast turning to lead in her stomach. He'd been acting strange for a week. She'd tried to wait him out, but it was time for action.

"Hey… you can't be that upset. I almost never win with you. This is the first time I've won at cards in a month and you're pouting. Normally pouting is very unattractive on a guy, but it's damn sexy when you do it." She waggled her eyebrows at him, and when that didn't work she was the one that was frowning.

"Come on Spence… don't be that way. You can lose once in awhile. I know you've got that big brain and all, but that doesn't mean you perfect, even if you did grow up in Las Vegas." She tried to grin at him again, but his refusal to meet her eyes made the grin feel like a mask on her face.

Abruptly he got up from his chair and left the kitchen. She sat there staring at her winning hand for at least five minutes before getting up to follow him. Was he angry with her? Was he thinking about leaving? Her belly turned to ice just thinking about the latter and she began to feel sick, seriously sick.

She felt a surge of anger that replaced the sickness in her belly. She was going to go find out what he was hiding from her. She took some deep breaths and tried to make the thoughts of hurting him that were raging through her head go away. After all, she could be over reacting; maybe this was another mood swing.

Several minutes later, when she thought she could go talk to him without causing him bodily harm, she went out into the living room and found him sitting on the couch.

"Honey… what's wrong?" JJ sat down next to Spencer on the sofa and curled into him. He stroked her hair absently, but he didn't say anything.

"Spence, you've been very quiet since the party at Hotch's place. Are you mad at me?" She could hear his heart beating where her left ear lay on his chest. It was beating much harder then she was used to feeling. She looked up at his face and saw that he was very pale.

"Please say something!"

He gently removed himself from her embrace and got up to walk to the window. She watched him stare out of it for a long time. Her own heart beat was loud in her ears. It was drowning out everything. She was beginning to feel sick inside again. Her hands went to her belly and caressed it.

"Spencer Reid… why are you ignoring me?" She asked in an irritated tone. She was beginning to get angry once more.

He finally turned to face her. His face was as unhappy as she had ever seen it, even in the first few days after the rape.

"Why are you doing this?" She demanded. "You don't love me anymore, is that it?"

His face went red and she could see that his hands were shaking. "How can you say that to me?" He asked very quietly.

"I didn't mean it, I was just trying to get you to talk to me. I know something is bothering you. I don't know what it is."

"I talked to Haley the other night at the party."

"I know I was there. You got real quiet after that. Morgan was wondering why you were so quiet." She said.

"I'm sorry about that, but …" He turned back to the window and stared out again, watching the snow fall onto the lawn. It was almost Valentine's Day.

"Spence please, I need you to talk to me." JJ pleaded. His back stayed straight and he didn't move.

"I'm sorry." He said so softly she almost missed his words.

"Why are you sorry? You're scaring me."

"I'm sorry." Reid repeated, he turned around again and his face was white. She could see his hands were still shaking and he rubbed them on his pants.

"I'm sorry because I was so angry at you. I didn't want to feel that way, but I did."

"Okay… I don't understand… what did I do?" She made herself stay calm; there was a logical explanation for all of this.

"I was talking to Haley. She asked how I was. I thought I was okay with all of this, but I realized that I was so angry at you for everything. You said you wouldn't marry me; you made me keep a promise that I knew was wrong to keep. I hated you for all of it. I was so mad that you were raped. I blamed you for the rape. I thought you should have done something to stop it or prevent it."

Spence… I -"

"I know you're mad at me and I'm sorry. I just wanted you to know that I don't want feel that way anymore. I was afraid to tell you. I was afraid you would hate me or that knowing would hurt the baby.

"You're right …I'm pissed. Do you think I could have prevented what happened to me? I told you what happened. Do you think I was lying?" She backed away from his white face and his hands that had balled into fists.

"No!" He shouted and she flinched back.

"Stop yelling at me. You're scaring me." What was wrong with him? She couldn't believe he was saying these things to her.

She saw the look of shock come over his face. He raised his hands from his sides and looked at the fists. His hands unclenched and he took a step toward JJ. She scrambled back on the couch, her hands on her belly.

"Oh god… I'm sorry baby. I didn't mean…" He looked down at his hands in horror

"**You bastard, I didn't ask for any of this! I wanted to get an abortion, but you talked me out of it!" **

Her hands were still clutching at her stomach.

"**I didn't talk you out of it. You made that decision on your own. Then you decided that you wanted to play house and have family, so you beg me to be the father of the baby, even though you refused to marry me." **

He shouted back. He was pacing again, his hands clenched together so tightly the knuckles were white.

"**I told you I wasn't ready. You thought you could fix everything with a marriage proposal. You couldn't, and then the job was more important and you left me here alone for him to get me again." **

She'd risen to her feet and was shouting at the top of her lungs.

"So what, I'm supposed to stay here with you and never leave the house again because something might happen to you?" He demanded.

"**That's not fair… Reid. You knew he was out there and you left me alone. I was so scared. I needed you and you weren't there."**

He stood up and crossed the room. "JJ I'm sorry I just wanted to -"

"Stop it Reid, I don't want to talk about this anymore. Don't even think about sleeping in _my_ bed tonight!" She hurried down the hall to the bedroom, crossed the threshold and slammed the door.

He stood in the hallway with his hands buried in his pockets looking at the door to their bed room. He turned halfway to the living room as if hoping that somehow she would be there. Then he turned back to the bedroom and stared at the door. He should go talk to her. He shouldn't just stand there and do nothing.

He walked slowly down the hallway to the door. He felt fear for the first time in approaching the door. Then a rush of anger slammed through him. It was their bedroom. She'd made no objection when he started to move his stuff into the house over the last few weeks. Had she forgotten that, or didn't she care. He knocked tentatively on the door.

"JJ… please open up and talk to me. I'm sorry for the way I handled this."

There was no answer only silence on the other end. "I didn't mean to get so angry. Come out and talk to me please."

There was still no answer and anger began to course like a fire through his veins again. This was crazy, why was she being so stubborn?

"JJ… I really am sorry!"

He felt the anger rising up in his belly again. She was acting like she was the only one that could get mad in their relationship. She must think he had to take all of this lying down, or worse that he had to go crawling back to her, which is exactly what he was doing. Well he'd show her. He knocked once more on the door and when she didn't answer he said.

"Fine… stay in there. I don't want to talk to you anyway." He gave the door an insolent kick and back down the hallway to the entrance to the living room, where he resumed his pacing.

The door opened and his heart sang. Maybe he was forgiven. JJ threw something at him and slammed the door again. It was his pajamas. Okay, so he wasn't forgiven. He picked up the pajamas and took them to the living room. It was only seven pm.

He went to the linen closet and got sheets and a blanket. At least the couch was very comfortable. He made up the bed, all the time muttering to himself about unreasonable women. When the bed was made up, he changed into his pajamas and lay down. He looked at the TV and wondered if there was anything on that was halfway interesting. Maybe he would watch that new FBI profiling show, he could see if they got it right, or if it was all glamorized like most of the cop shows.

He found the show he wanted and it was as vapid and stupid as he thought it would be, and it didn't stop him from wondering how JJ was. The voice in his head said that he should go talk to her. He successfully ignored the voice because he was mad. He turned off the television and the lights.

He punched the throw pillow under his head and turned over to stare at the window. Car lights went by at intervals and their room was silent. What was she thinking?

_Go ask her!_

No… he wasn't going to be the one to apologize not this time. He'd already tried that and look where it had gotten him, nowhere. It was up to her. He turned over to his back and looked up at the ceiling.

The lights of the cars passing by on the street made shadows on the ceiling. They crawled across the ceiling elongating and shrinking back, looking like strange alien creatures swarming over the room. Yeah... those were just the kind of soothing thoughts he needed to go to sleep.

He sighed, rubbed at his upset stomach, and hoped that JJ's trip to the therapist in the morning would make her more likely to talk to him. Yeah… that would work… Dr Orton would be able to find what was bothering her. Satisfied with his sound reasoning, he turned over and went to sleep.


	29. Chapter 29

_A/n Special thanks to my wonderful beta REIDFANATIC, she puts up with my quirks and makes sure these chapters aren't full of mistakes. She helped me whip these last two chapters into shape. One more chapter after this folks._

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything from CM only my own characters. No copyright infringement is intended. _

The ceiling was white, and the light was bright in his face when Reid opened his eyes that morning. He rolled away from the window and toward the back of JJ's chocolate leather couch. He groaned when the realization came over him that he was sleeping on the couch instead of in _their _bedroom.

He ran his hands through his hair and cursed Haley for telling him that JJ would understand his feelings. Haley thought every woman was as understanding as she was, after all she was married to Hotch, and she had to be understanding. He studied the brown fabric in front of him, trying not to think about getting up and dealing with JJ. The leather was pretty good quality he told himself. It was a great color for the room…

_Yeah, like you'd know about that, stop thinking about things that don't matter and deal with the problem at hand._

He didn't want to deal with it. He wanted her to apologize to him, he didn't do anything wrong. The haze of sleep was getting thinner and he smelled lovely coffee brewing in the kitchen. Maybe JJ was up and she'd made coffee so…

He got up and threw the dark blue blanket aside. He rubbed at his eyes and stood up fast. Then he sat down just as fast when a dizzy spell threatened to dump him to the floor. Okay head rush, not terribly fun, but amusing in its own way. He got up slower and staggered into the kitchen. His stomach was grumbling as well. Maybe she cooked too. He sniffed the air and only smelled coffee. Oh well… she was probably in the shower. He would make breakfast and they could talk.

He went to the refrigerator and pulled out the eggs, a block of cheese, and some green onions. He turned on the radio and tuned it into some classic country music. The omelet pan was heating on the stove by the time he had found some garlic, and other spices for the eggs. He began to break eggs into a medium sized bowl. He didn't have Gideon's flair for cooking but he had paid attention when Gideon cooked for the team and he could at least get it technically perfect. He was stirring the eggs when a news report came over the radio.

"…sources report that Hamilton, a freshman and Georgetown University was killed this morning. Her vehicle was car jacked and she was stabbed to death. The victim was alive at the scene but later died at University Hospital. The police have no leads on the case, and the victim's family and friends report she was well liked and had no enemies. We will follow this story and update you as we get more facts…

In other news our international correspondent report that the fighting in Iraq…"

Reid changed the channel. He didn't want to hear the news. He didn't need more terrible things bouncing around in his head. He already had enough to deal with. He slid one omelet off the pan, to a plate and began on the second. He finished his second cup of coffee by the time he had breakfast ready.

He drew a long breath and headed down the hall to their bedroom. JJ wasn't in there and she wasn't in the bathroom as well. What the hell? He turned to grab his phone and found an envelope on the bed with his name on it.

Well… this was not good at all! He stood looking at the envelope for a very long time. He tried closing his eyes. Maybe if he shut his eyes the envelope would turn out to be a hallucination and then it would be gone when he opened them again. Oh yeah… that was something to hope for, a hallucination, especially with his family history. He opened his eyes and of course the envelope was still there. He didn't know if he was relived that it wasn't a hallucination.

He picked up the innocent looking envelope and turned it over. Relived when it didn't take his hand off, he opened it and pulled out a single sheet of paper.

Spence,

I'm going to see the doctor. I'll be back in a couple of hours.

JJ

Well… that was just great. No apology, no "Love you," no nothing, what was he supposed to do now? Sure she'd made him coffee, but that was just out of habit he was sure. Damn it! He threw down the envelope and its contents. How could she just leave like that? He'd wanted to go to the appointment with her and offer emotional support.

Now his good will was gone again. He pulled off the pajamas she so callously thrown at him, and yanked on his jeans and a tee shirt. Maybe he wasn't allowed to work, but he had a friend he needed to visit at Quantico. He stormed out of the bedroom and grabbed his badge, keys and gun. His friend would know how to help him with JJ.

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JJ pulled into the parking lot of Greendale Medical Plaza. Dr. Victor Orton's office was on the third floor. She sat in her car for a few minutes. She was early and she wanted to collect her thoughts before going in. She didn't want the doctor seeing her distress and starting in on her about her relationship with Spence. It had no place in her visit to the doctor, no matter what Spence thought.

She got out of the car and pressed the remote to lock it. It was snowing just a little, and she pulled her coat a little tighter around her neck to keep out the icy chill of the air. She could see the sun trying to push through the white clouds. The feeble golden rays were doing their best, but the clouds pushed them back. It was a tug of war that turned the sky a pale gold in some places, and left it silver white in others.

She shivered again and strode into the five stories red brick building. The lobby was large, with elevators to the right, and a reception desk in front of her. She passed by the smiling, red-haired girl sitting arrow straight behind the big desk. She wore a headset, and a dark green sweater with festive white snowflakes worked into the wool pattern.

JJ's heart was starting to pound painfully in her chest. She didn't want to see this doctor. How was talking to a stranger, even one recommended by Gideon, going to help her. She'd had nightmares all night the night before, just like every night. Only Spencer wasn't there to chase them away with a caress of his hand or a kiss.

_Whose fault is that?_

The elevator announced its arrival at her floor with a ding and she jumped slightly. The open car looked like it might swallow her up, never to be seen again. She took a step forward, and the door began to close. She whipped in quick before they could close on her.

_Get a grip on yourself girl. It won't be that bad. You work with profilers, you can fool this guy into signing off on what ever paperwork he does, and it will be over. _

The elevator dinged again and she got out of the car with more energy this time. All she had to do was convince the shrink she was okay and it would be over. She nodded to herself in approval of this plan and opened the door to the office.

The waiting room was large, and there was a hugely overweight man sitting in a chair that was too small for his bulk. He looked very uncomfortable and was very red in the face. JJ hoped he wasn't on the verge of a heart attack.

"Can I help you miss?" A voice came from her right.

Startled, she whipped around to see a very tall black woman standing on the other side of the desk. She was smiling broadly at JJ, and JJ couldn't help but smile back at her. Her hair was long, and braided in cornrows with lots of colored beads. She wore a red, long sleeved blouse, and a dark grey skirt, under a white lab coat.

"I have an appointment with Dr. Orton." JJ managed to say, her heart was back to taking up residence in her throat.

"You must be Jennifer Jareau." It was a statement of fact, not a question.

"Ah - yes, I am." She stuttered sounding a lot like Reid. Thoughts of him made her hands sweat. She had been terrible to him for no reason. Why had she done that?

"Good," the nurse was saying. "I need you to fill out these forms. Give them back to me when you finish, we'll have you into see him in no time. Also… if I can have your insurance card, I'll take a copy of it right now."

JJ handed over her insurance card without complaint. She found a seat across the way from the red faced man. He wore a brown slacks and an unfortunate yellow turtle neck. He was staring into space, and he gave a big start when a small blond nurse called him back to see Dr. Kerman. He wrenched himself out of the chair and followed the nurse, moving very silently for someone so large.

She realized she was staring and her face got hot. Everyone had their own problems, who was she to judge. She pulled the pen from its slot on the clipboard, and began to fill out the seven pages of paper work in front of her.

How was she to remember if her grandmother had diabetes? Who kept their family medical history in their head anyway?

_Spence would know his families medical history, wouldn't he?_

She gulped at the thought and suddenly it was very warm in the room. She put the clipboard on the glass top table in front of her and pulled off her coat.

_Okay… focus on the paperwork… that will get him off your mind._

She picked up the clipboard and turned over the last page. The nurse looked up at her when she took all the forms back to the front desk. Another girl about JJ's age took the paperwork and began to rapidly enter it into the computer.

"Honey… are you okay?" The tall nurse asked looking very concerned. "You're as white as a sheet."

"I'm fine… I just need to sit down."

JJ made her way back to the chair. She began to stare at nothing just as the obese man had done, her hands stroking her belly. The baby kicked hard and she screamed a little. The baby had moved before, like little fluttering sensations, but she'd never felt it kick.

"Ms Jareau… are you sure you're okay." The nurse was at her side in a flash.

"Yeah, the baby kicked. It's the first time I've felt it that strongly." She began to cry.

"I think I should get you some thing or -"

"No… it's okay. I was just thinking I wish that the baby's father were here. He should feel it too."

The nurse smiled and held out a hand. "Let me show you back to Dr. Orton's office. He's ready to see you. I was just about to call you back when you started to cry. Are you sure you don't want a glass of water or something?

"Yeah… a glass of water would be okay."

She got to her feet and followed the nurse back to the doctor's office. It was time to bare her soul.

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The drive to Quantico was hellish as it had begun to snow again. He wondered if JJ was okay. He clamped down on his desire to worry about her. If she hadn't been so stubborn he would be with her right now.

The marine guard let him in without comment and he pulled into the garage. At least his car would be out of the elements. He was so sick to his stomach he was glad he'd thrown the omelet in the trash before leaving the house. He locked up the car and unbuttoned his black coat. His feet echoed in the garage to the elevator. Everyone was already in the office he thought as he passed their cars. He was glad to see Esther, Garcia's beloved orange car.

He pushed the button to go up, and stood waiting for the car to arrive at his parking level. He took his coat off before the car arrived. The cold of the garage was good to feel, he was too hot to wear the coat. His hands were still sweating. He shouldn't have let her go to the doctor by herself. The elevator dinged and it was too late to turn back now.

He got off the elevator on the sixth floor and took a quick look at the bull pen. It didn't appear that anyone had arrived, or maybe they were out on a case. It was kind of nice not to be on call with the rest of the team, he decided. He couldn't take Morgan's nosy questions at that moment.

He went down the hall and knocked on the door to Garcia's office. "Come on in." Her cheerful voice called out.

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"Come on in," the deep voice said. The nurse opened the door and gestured for JJ to enter the doctor's office.

The man sitting behind a large ornately carved mahogany desk had a kind face. He had salt and pepper hair, and a pair of steel frame glasses perched on his nose, much like Gideon when he was considering a perplexing problem at work. She was immediately more at ease. He was about six and a half feet tall and broad shouldered.

He stuck a hand out to her and she took it without hesitation. "You're Jennifer Jareau. Jason has told me a lot about you." He directed her to a chair in front of his desk. She watched him sit down and he moved with a grace common to men half his age.

"I'm Dr. Victor Orton. Jason told me you've been through quite an ordeal young lady."

He sounded like her uncle, kind but to the point. Maybe he had kids. Something told her not to play with this man.

"Yes… I… well I don't know what to say actually."

"That's not what Jason tells me, he says you're their bull dog for dealing with the media and other bureaucrats. Don't be shy just because I'm on this side of the desk."

"Well… I guess I should tell you that I'm pregnant." Oh that was clever she thought, it was in the paperwork in front of him, and she was showing for God's sake.

He watched her closely as she struggled to think of what to say next. Gideon had obviously told him everything he knew about what had happened to her.

"Let's just talk about you. Tell me about yourself. How did you come to be an FBI Agent?"

So she told him about her parents death when she was seven years old in a car crash, and going to live with her aunt and uncle. She explained about using soccer as a way to get out of a small town she hated as a teen. He listened to her relate how she had major in communications in college, and how she was recruited right out of graduation for the FBI. She quickly outlined her rise to media liaison at the BAU.

He interrupted her when she began to talk about her team mates. "Tell me about Dr. Spencer Reid." He asked, his fingers forming a temple under his chin.

"I met him at the BAU. He was… um… well I thought he was a nice guy, but I didn't like him as more then a working friend till about a year ago." She felt her face getting very hot. Why was she telling him all of this?

He smiled and gestured for her to continue. He didn't make notes like she expected, like she'd seen shrinks do on TV.

"Well, before that we did go on one date, but I told him I just wanted to be friends."

"Why did you change you're mind." He asked, the first question he'd put to her since she came through the door.

"What… oh I don't know. I just realized one day that I really liked him and wanted to get to know him better." She said, looking down at the pen on his blotter. Her hands were itching to reach out and pick it up and play with it.

"Um…hmm…" Dr. Orton said and she looked up to see that he was writing on a notepad in front of him.

"You sound like you don't believe me." She said defensively. Who did this guy think he was?

"No… you're the one that doesn't sound sure. Something happened, something big to change the way you looked at him, what was it?" He looked up and she noticed his eyes were a very light brown. They bored into her and she began to feel like she didn't need to speak, he could see into her soul. Gideon did the same thing. She was in trouble now.

"It wasn't a life-altering event." She lied, and his eyes narrowed a bit.

"Up till now you've been honest with me. Why are you lying now?"

"I can't tell you, it's a matter of national security." She shot back at him. What was the use in playing games, he would know, and it would make things harder for her.

"I maybe in private practice, but I have clearance. Anyway, I can't tell anyone, patient-doctor confidentiality," he reminded her kindly, his steely gaze retreating.

So she told him everything. How Spencer had been taken by Tobias Henkel, his subsequent battle with drugs, his resolve to beat addiction. She told the doctor how her respect and admiration had grown for Spencer. She told him about their growing friendship and attraction for each other.

He listened without a word till she got to the night of the rape. She fell silent and he stood up to walk to the window. She watched him stand silently for a long time. He turned back to her and said rather sternly.

"You have to let go of the guilt you feel."

"I don't feel any guilt I -"

"Agent Jareau… I may not be a profiler, but I can see how you scourge yourself with guilt over Dr. Reid and what he went through." He held up a hand to stop her when she tried to protest.

"No… let me finish. From what you told me, the decision to separate was his call. It was his fault to separate from you that night. He left you to go after a dangerous psychotic and you had to face three rabid dogs alone. You could have been killed that night. If I were you I wouldn't feel guilty, I would be angry as hell."

Her head whipped up from studying her lap and saw that he was back in front of his desk. "I… but I don't … I can't…" Then she was crying all the tears she'd held back for so long.

"It's okay Jennifer, get it out. The wound hurts because it never healed.

She cried harder, then she stood and began to pace up and down his office raging at Spencer for leaving her to face those damn dogs and before she could stop she was cursing him for not protecting her from Michael Van Cott.

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"Come on in," Garcia called in a bright and energetic voice.

He opened the door and entered her inner sanctum. She didn't turn but she did say. "Hey there gorgeous, I was wondering when you'd show up."

She turned and pulled out another chair for him to sit down. "You're busy, I shouldn't bother you." He said turning to leave.

"Give me break sweet cheeks… I'm never too busy for you. Sit your cute buns down and talk to me."

He sat down because he was incapable of refusing her smile. "What brings you to my humble office," she asked fingers flying over the keyboard. He knew he wasn't being ignored. Her babies helped her to focus.

"I just came to say hi. I was bored." He said evasively.

"Reid… stop lying to me. I know you're upset."

He picked up on of her fuzzy headed pens and started to play with it. She snatched it from his hands and made him look at her.

"Alright… I screwed up big time Garcia."

"I'm sure it's nothing that can't be fixed. You're the genius do something genius-like." She said waving her hands like it was one of his magic tricks.

"Spouting off stupid facts and statistics won't fix this." He said hopelessly.

"Then tell me what you did," she said patting his cheek.

"Why does it have to be something I did?" He asked defensively. This was hardly fair.

"Because it's always the guys fault in a relationship, didn't you know that?" She explained as if talking to a very small child.

"No… and that makes no logical sense." He replied frowning down at the floor.

Garcia laughed long and loud while he scowled at her. "If you're going to laugh at me, I'm leaving." He got up and she pulled him down again.

"I'm sorry for laughing, but you're so clueless, more then most men." She said trying to stifle her giggles. He was back to playing with one of her pens.

"Here's the thing sweet thing, you did something wrong. Go talk to her and apologize for it. No matter what is was, whether you think your at fault or not."

"But Garcia I -"

"It has nothing to do with logic. JJ doesn't want to hear reason, she want's an apology. So go find her and say you're sorry.

She wanted to laugh at his look of confusion but she didn't. She felt a lot of sympathy for JJ, what must it be like to be in a relationship with this beautiful but socially clueless man.

"Come on practice on me." She offered.

"What… no I'm not going to practice with you." He said jumping up to pace, which was hard to do in this small space.

"Fine then tell me what you did." He gaped at her and she just waited expectantly. So he told her everything.

"I see your problem. Haley is a wonderful woman, but she's married to Hotch. I'll bet he never apologizes."

Reid was nodding; he was thinking the same thing. Was it possible he got bad advice from her?

"Forget what she told you, go home and talk to JJ like you always do. It's worked before, right? Forget what I said to you too. I thought you were talking about some trivial screw-up on your part. This is much more serious. Just don't try to fix it for her. Women don't want you to fix the problem; they just want you to listen… okay?"

He nodded and she shooed him out the door. He was more confused then ever, but maybe there was a better way to fix things. He just hoped JJ would forgive him for what he felt he had to do.

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JJ pulled into the driveway and hurried as fast as she could into her house. Reid's car wasn't there, but maybe he was in the house anyway.

"Spence… are you here?" She slammed the door behind her and re-engaged the alarm. Please let him be there. By the time she found the note he left her on the kitchen counter, her stomach was turning to acid. The baby kicked again and she began to cry.

The note was leaning up against the toaster. She picked it up and opened it with shaking hands. The flap slipped and sliced her finger.

"Damn it!" She dropped the envelope and sucked on her cut thumb.

The little envelope looked harmless where it lay on the floor, but maybe the cut was a warning. That was stupid! She leaned down and snatched it up. There was one drop of blood on the corner of the envelope and the crimson spot stood out like an accusation.

She sat down at the kitchen table and was more careful in opening the envelope. The one page of white paper was folded in thirds, and unfolding it was the most frightening thing she ever did.

Dear JJ,

I'm sorry for what I said to you last night. You must know that I love you and would never hurt you intentionally. That being said, I refuse to take responsibility for everything that's happened in the last six months. If you think I will, then maybe we shouldn't continue to be together.

I'm always here to listen and to help if that's what you want, but I won't be used as a punching bag. You have to learn to deal with your own problems and emotions. I want us to be together. I want us to be a family. Right now I don't see how that can happen if you don't trust me or respect my feelings.

I'm going back to my apartment. I think we should spend some time apart. I'll always love you and the baby.

Spence.

She let the paper fall out of her nerveless fingers, it see-sawed to the floor like a feather on the wind. She watched it glide to the tile floor. There were no more tears left to cry.


	30. Chapter 30

_A/n hey all… this is it, the last chapter. I'm so happy with the response to this story. As a reward for putting up with all of the angst, you get this today as a bonus chapter. _

_My thanks to a wonderful beta REIDFANATIC. Girl, without you this wouldn't be as good as it is. Thank you._

_Disclaimer: I own only my own characters, no copyright infringement is intended. _

He'd been stubborn, she gave him that. Two weeks had passed, and two more appointments with the shrink, before she gave in and went to see him at his apartment.

His place was as neat as it always was, but he looked horrible. There were dark circles under his eyes, and he wore at least a weeks worth of beard on his face. It was one in the afternoon and he was still in that awful yellow robe he always wore.

He tried to look solemn, but she thought his eyes brightened a bit at her appearance on his doorstep. "I know I should have called, but I thought you might not be here if I told you I was coming to see you." She said with a nervous laugh.

He gestured for her to come into the apartment, and when she entered, he shut the door behind her. She went to a chair, and sat nervously while he perched on the edge of the couch.

"I- I just wanted to talk to you. I'm really sorry for everything." He opened his mouth, and she hurried to cut him off while taking off her coat.

"Please let me finish…Spence. I know I was way too hard on you. I was wrong of me to blame you for what happened in Georgia. You did what you had to do.

He tried to speak again, but she cut him off and went on. "Please just let me say this. What I did was wrong. I tried to tell myself that that all of this was your fault. I thought what I did with making you keep my secret was the right thing. I thought I was keeping you safe, and instead I put myself, the baby, and you in danger, and that was wrong. I don't blame you for hating me but can we talk. I don't want this to end. I want us to start again if we can."

He didn't speak again for a long time. She watched him looking at the carpet. He stood and left the room. Was he so mad that he didn't want to talk to her again? She waited patiently for him to come back. She owed that to him.

The grey light from the overcast day made the room gloomy to match her mood. There was a book sitting on the end table. She got up from her chair to go read the title. She was just picking it up when Spencer returned to the room. He was dressed in his usual office attire and seeing it ripped her heart in two. She began to cry, and he stood for a moment just looking at her before wrapping her up in his arms.

"I missed you so much." He choked out.

"I'm so sorry. I want to fix this." She said through her tears.

"I'm sorry I left. I was so tired of feeling bad about my own feelings. I'm not used to this, to us. I don't have any experience with this kind of relationship, and most of the time I don't know what I'm doing."

He led her over to the couch and sat with his arm around her. The radio in the corner was playing quietly in the corner, and the clouds outside the door were increasing. It was getting dark fast.

"I know Spence, I'm sorry for taking advantage of you. I took advantage of your feelings for you and used them against you. Will you ever forgive me?"

He took her face in his hands and kissed her mouth. "I don't have to forgive, but you do, I was terrible with the things I said."

"No… I was my fault." Reid began to laugh and she glared at him.

"Spencer Reid… I come over here and bare my soul to you and you laugh. Have you lost your mind?"

He stopped giggling and held her tighter when she tried to free herself from his grip. "I'm not laughing at you. It's the situation. We both apologize and blame ourselves. Can't we please just agree to disagree?"

She gaped at him and then the wisdom of what he said got through and she gave him a wry smile. "You're right… you're always right… it's very annoying you know!"

"I know… but it's very fun for me." He deadpanned.

She slugged him on the shoulder and he yelped. "I should turn you in for boyfriend abuse… little girl."

"Oh please… who would believe it?"

He kissed her again and snow began to fall. He hoped it was the last of the season. "Come on… let's get back home before the storm gets bad."

She took his outstretched hand when he had stood up and squeezed it. He was coming back with her. She told herself not to screw it up again.

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"I told you it wouldn't work!" Reid said glancing over at his girlfriend in the passenger seat of his SUV.

"I know… I heard you the first time. I don't know why you're complaining now, you weren't an hour ago."

"That's very cute, but your little science experiment didn't work."

He took the exit off the freeway into DC. The sun was up, and the flowers and green grass of government building landscaping were shining like jewels in the mid spring morning. He flicked on the radio and the disc jockey was going into ecstasies over the Memorial Holiday coming up.

JJ was absently rubbing her belly. "Come on kiddo, I know the doctor said you're not due for a couple more days, but give your mom a break."

Reid began to laugh and JJ glared at him. "What's so damn funny?"

"You are," he told her as they drove into the parking lot at Greendale Medical Center. "You think you can reason with an unborn child. You can't rush a biological imperative. I told you that the chances of sexual intercourse bringing on labor were -"

"Alright… Dr. Reid… you don't have to tell me again." She struggled out of her seatbelt as Reid shut off the engine.

Reid got out of the car, and ran around to her side of the car to open the door for her. "Come on… lets get your last appointment with Dr. Orton crossed off our to-do list today, and we can go do something fun."

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"You've made great improvement in the last three months. I'm going to recommend you talk to the psychiatrist at the FBI when you get back from your maternity leave. He or she will have to sign off on your return away." Dr Orton said giving JJ a kind and reassuring smile.

"It's not going to be easy. You'll have to deal with seeing what happened to you in the cases you work. Can you do that?" He asked her.

"If you had asked me that three months ago, I would have said no, but I feel like I can handle it now."

"I know you can. You have a good support system including Dr. Reid. I want you to fell free to call me if you need anything, ok."

She grabbed her purse and got awkwardly to her feet. The doctor came around his desk and walked with her to the door. "I'll send Spencer in, okay?" JJ said as he opened the door. He laid a hand on her shoulder and she smiled up at him.

"Okay, remember if you need anything to call day or night."

Spencer was reading a magazine when she came out in to the waiting room. There were three other patients waiting, either talking to whoever accompanied them or reading like Spence.

"He wants to see you now." JJ said.

He stood up and squeezed her hand before heading back to the office. A nurse pointed him in the right direction. He was looking forward to this encounter. Dr. Orton was on the top of his hit list at that moment.

He knocked on the door and entered when the doctor called out "Come in."

"Dr. Reid… it's good to finally meet you." He said getting up and extending his hand to the young agent.

"Dr. Orton." Reid shook the older man's hand and sat down. He didn't say anything as the doctor studied him.

"Dr. Reid… I wanted to see how you're doing with all of this, and tell you that JJ is doing very well."

"Yeah… I know she is," Reid said trying to keep his voice even.

"You don't sound convinced." Dr. Orton observed his face neutral and his voice very calm, too calm.

"Don't patronize me Dr. Orton. I have a PhD in psychology and once considered doing what you do. I know the tricks of the trade." Reid snapped out at him.

"You're a profiler Dr. Reid. You see what you want to see." His placid tone was getting on Reid's nerves, but he tried to remain calm.

"JJ tells me everything. She told me about your first session and -"

"I see…" the doctor interrupted. "You blame me for taking her side in blaming you for the incident in Georgia."

"Please do me the courtesy of not interrupting me." Reid said, his temper snapping.

"I'm sorry Dr. Reid I was only trying to -"

Reid leapt to his feet and began to pace. "I know what you're trying to do."

"If you we're concerned with what I was telling her, why didn't you say so earlier?" The doctor said, still maintaining a maddeningly calm tone.

"You were helping her; she's almost back her normal self, although I know she'll never be the same as she was." Reid was still pacing taking in the diplomas on the wall and the expensive mahogany furniture.

"Dr. Reid… sit down!" It was a command, not a request and Reid did sit down.

"I know you're angry with me. I want to tell you something that I don't think you realize. Did you know that JJ has loved you since the first time she saw you?"

Reid gaped at him. "What has this got to do with our conversation?"

"I know you think, being an educated man, that there's no such thing as love at first sight. I never believed in it myself till a met my wife. The point is that JJ didn't know what she felt for you for a long time. She denied it, wouldn't let it come to the surface because she is an ambitious young woman, and marriage and children weren't in the plan for her. Then she met you and it all changed.

She knows you weren't at fault for the events of Georgia. She blamed you because you were an easy target. In reality she blames the person responsible, Tobias Henkel. You killed him and she had to find another target for her anger and it was you and your team.

She watched you die on screen, she watched you get tortured and she blamed herself for that. She thought the team should have found you sooner so that you could have been spared some of what happened to you.

She loves you with her whole life and soul."

Reid was reeling from this revelation. "Why are you telling me this now? Isn't it a breach of doctor- patient confidentiality?"

"She told me I could talk to you about it. She agreed to tell you herself after this appointment. I think it's time and so does she."

"Why did you let her continue to blame me after your first appointment?" Reid asked.

"You know the answer to that Dr. Reid." Dr. Orton said

"You wanted her to trust you. If you'd attacked her, and said that none of it was my fault, she would have closed down and not talked to you. That's pretty extreme don't you think."

"Yes… I do but I have to do what works." Dr Orton smiled up at him.

"Now I know why I didn't become a psychiatrist." Reid said, still angry at the doctor. He sat down and crossed his arms over his chest. His stomach was twisted up in knots.

"It's not for everyone." the doctor agreed. Reid had to smile. The man's methods were extreme, but at least he got the job done, and Reid felt more relaxed then he had in a long time. He could finally stop feeling guilty about everything. Reid sat back in his chair the weight finally off of his shoulders. He should have talked to the doctor weeks ago. Why hadn't he?

The door to the office opened without a knock and the nurse came in. "I'm sorry Dr. Orton, but Agent Jareau needs to go to the hospital, her water just broke."

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"Okay… Jennifer you're ready to push. Be ready for the next contraction." The doctor instructed.

Reid held onto her hand, it felt like hamburger. Eighteen hours of labor had exhausted her and she was crying.

"I can't do this," she whispered. Her hair was drenched with sweat, and her face was pale and lined with pain.

"Yes you can! You made it JJ. We made it together, now push." He ordered her sternly.

She pushed with a scream that broke his heart. His hand was crushed by his, but he didn't make a sound. It took several hard pushes, but the baby finally arrived and JJ began to cry when the baby wailed.

"Come up here and cut the cord dad, your daughter wants to say hello."

He cut the cord and the nurse took the baby away to clean her up and do some tests on her. She brought her back a few minutes later and gave her to JJ.

"Six pounds thirteen ounces and 21 inches long," The nurse said, "She's gorgeous!"

"There she is mama." Reid said, his own eyes filling with tears. "She's as lovely as her mother."

Her eyes were blue, but that could change, they were the same shape as JJ's. She had a bit of dark blond hair. She looked like her mother; there was nothing of Michael Van Cott to be seen in her.

"She's beautiful," JJ agree holding her close to her heart. "Thank you for doing this with me. I know I was unfair to you Spencer."

"You don't have to say anything." He assured her. He traced a finger over their daughter's face. The skin was wrinkled and red, but it didn't matter.

'No… please let me say this. I was wrong to blame you for what happened in Georgia and for the rape and kidnapping. Dr. Orton said that -"

He put a finger on her lips silencing her. "I know what he said, he told me remember. What's done is done. Let's just forget about."

"You want to hold her," JJ asked Reid, looking down at their daughter.

"Ah - no I don't think so." He stammered, wanting to hold the little girl, but afraid to.

"Come on… you can do it, you won't drop her." JJ placed the baby in his arms, and he was overwhelmed by - well he didn't know what he was feeling. They didn't share DNA, but he was her father, he knew it in his heart.

"What are we going to name her?" JJ asked him, "We never decided on a name."

Reid thought for a long minute then he said "Hope… her name is Hope."

"Yeah… I like that!" JJ said. Reid leaned over and kissed her.

"Spence… I know everything isn't okay, but can we start over? Hope is here and she can help us heal."

"I'd like that." He kissed her again, and then he placed a kiss on the forehead of his little girl. Life wasn't easy, nor was it fair, but Hope was new. Maybe she could show them the way.

_**THE END**_


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